Venting Why have my dead relatives abandoned me

[Cuppatea856]

I have lost everyone that means something to me; my mom, best friend and now, my brother just died suddenly 8weeks ago. All have all died in the past theee years. My father died when I was young and another brother died about 6years ago. I feel abandoned by them, though I know it's not rational. I don't really think they don't have control over the date of my death but I still feel like why won't they help me, why don't they visit me in dreams? I pray to die everyday and I don't know why everyone has left me behind. This is such a lonely world.
i ordered a gun this week, I'm hanging on because I'm devoted to my elderly dog and don't want to leave her alone. But when she dies I know I will truly freak out. She's my only friend. Btw, I have bipolar disorder and the level of depression I'm feeling is such a dark, black hole that it seems I will never climb out of. Thanks for listening to my rant. Just having a really bad day.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm so sorry for your losses. I know I can't say anything to make it better. I hope you can find peace someday. Whatever that may be.

 

[inactive]

You're not alone. I've experienced more than my fair share of loss and will soon have zero immediate family whatsoever apart from... my dog. I am trying to hang in there for her and her only but am stressing over the emotional torture I will undergo when she eventually croaks. I 100% get where you're coming from. This is the darkest time in my life. I truly hope you discover peace soon, whether that is in living or in death.