why are you still here?

[bluevalentine]

wishful thinking that one day ill wake up and things will be different but unfortunately things dont change cuz i dont change lol

 

[bellaisdonewithlife]

I'm hoping it's my last month, but I'm struggling to find someone in BC in the underworld that I could pay to help me exit or a partner to exit with.

 

[systemic_livestock]

Frankly, I'm scared shitless of death but i'm also afraid of continuing to living a horrible life and wishing ive done it sooner. I'm at a point in my life where I can fix things with the community college method and go to a 4 year to have a good life, I'm just always been a horrible student, I wonder if I'll ever fix things so I do have some hope even if it feels like its fleeting especially because even if I do well at college what if I dont find a good job. I'm currently waiting things out but I still cant stop thinking about death. for most of my entire life ive always wished for things to get better, they haven't and Frankly I wish I killed myself sooner before I transitioned somtimes because I dont want people to think I only killed myself because I'm trans. Although I don't think I'll be able to care after I CTB.

 

[scarredheart]

Because some annoying voice in my head keeps telling me to not give up on life yet in spite of the intense desire to die.

sometimes the desire is so strong that i wonder which thought is really the right one
feels like having a little angel and devil on my shoulder haha

Because I'm a coward and my SI is stronger than me.
I've set a date in just under 2 weeks and will be trying a new method to hopefully take SI's power out of my actions, will it work? Time will tell.
The reason I've stayed for this long seems similar to many others, because my suffering seems irrelevant compared to the pain my actions will cause others, this reasoning has shifted recently for me though.

this may sound cliche but i believe you're the opposite of a coward, you're strong for staying in this world despite it being so shitty rn, you're here despite the pain you're in

wishful thinking that one day ill wake up and things will be different but unfortunately things dont change cuz i dont change lol

i remember i would get moments in the past of "i'm getting better, life is worth it"
but thats all they were, moments that would fade away

Frankly, I'm scared shitless of death but i'm also afraid of continuing to living a horrible life and wishing ive done it sooner. I'm at a point in my life where I can fix things with the community college method and go to a 4 year to have a good life, I'm just always been a horrible student, I wonder if I'll ever fix things so I do have some hope even if it feels like its fleeting especially because even if I do well at college what if I dont find a good job. I'm currently waiting things out but I still cant stop thinking about death. for most of my entire life ive always wished for things to get better, they haven't and Frankly I wish I killed myself sooner before I transitioned somtimes because I dont want people to think I only killed myself because I'm trans. Although I don't think I'll be able to care after I CTB.

i often wish i had CTB earlier so i wouldn't have the fear of hurting those around me, i wish i had isolated myself more or idk just tried harder

 

[Liebestod]

I keep extending my time and there's this behavior health technician at my outpatient facility that I like. I'm really into her. I'm forced to be at the facility though.

 

[scarredheart]

I keep extending my time and there's this behavior health technician at my outpatient facility that I like. I'm really into her. I'm forced to be at the facility though.

something that's kept me alive for a while is "i can ctb later"
can't believe i've lazied myself out of suicide

 

[Gomomon]

hopefully this doesn't come off wrong, but i'm genuinely wondering what's still keeping us going in life.
for me it's mainly the fear of hurting others / lack of resources to ctb.
So, as the title says, what's been keeping you on earth this far ?

being too dumb to decode everyones clues to find the DSL, being broke, somewhat trying to better my life and it's a plan B atm. Love the seal pfp

 

[SummerTrip]

Don't really wanna die alone so I'm trying to find someone to hang out with and do this together.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I fear failing and remaining alive with more damage or brain damage. es

i don't fear Death because once my brain dies I can't suffer any constant unbearable pain ever. Death = Non-Existence forever the ultimate bliss