Help Which handgun is best?

[Eudaimonic]

So, I realized that a shotgun may be impractical given the size of it (I don't think I have a large enough backpack, for instance) and my current circumstances. I would have to buy a folding shotgun with all of the right specs, that can fit in mouth, etc. (I don't know if this even exists or how available it would be) or I would need to strip the weapon down whenever I was using it. I believe that even if I took the stock off, it would still be too long. The other reason I am leaning toward a handgun is that I may not be able to hide getting a gun license (assuming I cannot have the license held at the post office), so it would be FAR less suspicious if I got a handgun that is used for self-defense. I can't imagine anyone around here using a shotgun for self-defense. Regardless, it doesn't seem worth the risk since there is a definite possibility that the people I live with will figure out that I have a gun license/bought a gun, and it's better if it's something with more plausible deniability than a shotgun.

I know where to aim (10-15° intraoral aimed at medulla oblongata, 1.5-2" deep), and if I use JHP and practice enough, I think it should be alright, especially if I take blood thinners, wear a weighted vest, and shoot myself in a river/lake and/or on top of a high structure in a remote enough location.

Since for a handgun, practicing is absolutely essential to avoid flinching or jerking the gun, I figured I would get either a 44 or 357 magnum (supposedly, revolvers are better for CTB purposes), so that I can hopefully handle the recoil. It is my understanding that the .44 has considerably more recoil, which might make the tradeoff not worthwhile despite being more powerful overall.

Should I use P+ or +P+ for either? Is 125 gr for .357 good?

Anyway, I know next to nothing about guns, so any input would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Eudaimonic]

Honestly, after doing more research I don't think I want to use a handgun. There are too many factors to take into consideration (type of JHP, reliability of JHP, just outright missing the medulla oblongata, potential flinching/jerking/muscle spasm, causing one to aim incorrectly, etc.) and the risk is too high, IMO.

 

[theneverending]

generally pistols and guns that can carry .357 magnum or higher caliber are the best for handguns, as long as you angle it correctly it's usually a quick and easy death. but it's entirely up for you, and you should definitely test out a gun before you attempt to CTB with it.

 

[Eudaimonic]

generally pistols and guns that can carry .357 magnum or higher caliber are the best for handguns, as long as you angle it correctly it's usually a quick and easy death. but it's entirely up for you, and you should definitely test out a gun before you attempt to CTB with it.

I'm definitely worried about angling it incorrectly, which is the main reason why I decided not to use this method

 

[galavance]

I will likely use 115 grain JHP 9mm. I doubt consciousness would remain very long even with a slight miss, and wearing a weighted vest in a river would seal the deal anyway. Of course you can always use a bigger caliber if you're worried. I wish you luck with whatever path you choose.