Venting When they give you hope but everything fail

[MapleS]

I wish I could tell anyone that that is my final cry for help, my final try and if I don't get help I need I will die. I wish that culd be somebody that can help me

I want to try to have decent life, I really do. I even admitted mysrlf to private psych ward. But the cameras and punishments are make'ing me crazy... and sounds too.

They are propably looking at me through camera. Camera I'm so scared of and camera I'm hiding from under the bed.

I want to go somewhere else but It's rhe only place in my entire country that has option to be alone in room. That was my only chance...

We are going jnsane, alters start to think that somebody wants to hurt us, that somebody is after us, they will use us and manipulate us and- THAT WAS N E V E R HAPPENING BEFORE! never... and there's no emergency mental help on weekends...

I'm extremly sensitive to sounds but are unable to wear headphones/earplugs (especially earplugs) And these doors are made out of cardboard. People are listening to music, watching films... I hear all of this and I'm going insane. And theres this wrrrr sound every few minutes. all the time.
This COULD be resolved with me surviving like 4 days gere. I can get better room. It's not perfect but maybe this could work if I would try


But cameras. They cannot be removed. I cannot be mysemf and act freely. (I'm traumatized... on many levels)


So yeah. I want to live but son't want to exsist in suffering so I'll propably be forced to choose suicide

Thank you for reading <3 It means a lot

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

That sounds awful.
If you check yourself in the least it should do is help...! There is no one you can talk to there about any of this that feels safe?

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

It just baffles me how unpleasant the psych wards are. I've never been myself, but hear mostly bad things like you mentioned. It doesn't make any sense. And you mentioned "no emergency mental help on weekends", that's outrageous. I have no idea what to say, except that I read your post and sympathize.

 

[MapleS]

That sounds awful.
If you check yourself in the least it should do is help...! There is no one you can talk to there about any of this that feels safe?

nope, there's nobody. *(edit) nobody that can do anything aboyt anything. the person I told about it just noded her haid and said "then i don't know"

And I simply cannot say "if you will not turn off camera in my room I will need to go out of there and life circumstances will make me to kill myself. please I don't wan't that. please help me"
because of being sent to "public psych ward" witch will be hell

But I really wish I could say that

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

nope, there's nobody. *(edit) nobody that can do anything aboyt anything. the person I told about it just noded her haid and said "then i don't know"

And I simply cannot say "if you will not turn off camera in my room I will need to go out of there and life circumstances will make me to kill myself. please I don't wan't that. please help me"
because of being sent to "public psych ward" witch will be hell

But I really wish I could say that

That makes it hard.. I'm sorry this person couldn't help either. How have you been doing the past days?

 

[MapleS]

That makes it hard.. I'm sorry this person couldn't help either. How have you been doing the past days?

they.. actually turned them off
everything looked good

but something broke today
and there's no chance for life to be better
I just finished all letters. they are short but I never planned to write them anyway

goodbye kind stanger <3

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

they.. actually turned them off
everything looked good

but something broke today
and there's no chance for life to be better
I just finished all letters. they are short but I never planned to write them anyway

goodbye kind stanger <3

What broke? Inside?

I'm sorry you got to this point. I got the impression you wanted help, not out yet.
If you're leaving, I wish you peace and a painless departure.

If you change your mind, I'm here if you want to talk