Venting When it seems like the right time to go...

[Notwinnernotawin]

I don't think I've ever been worse - if I don't count the time I tried to OD. Looking back it was two weeks from the attempt, and then we moved to another house and things were okay for a while. Now it's been almost a month since I'm in the same state of mind; the only difference being now I have this stupid thing on my mind, that makes me want to live and I guess it's taking my strength away. But I have the biggest reasons to go. Also I'm physically and mentally deteriorating, as I'm losing my hair, having constant breakdowns, forgetting silly things and having insomnia. This shouldn't be the life of a young adult.
It would be easy to tie a rope on the bathroom stall, but since I found out about it, I don't even have the strength to kill myself. I feel like I'm fading away. And I don't know what to do.

 

[somniummalum]

what is the thing that makes you want to live, if I may ask?

 

[Deleted member 17949]

For me I can just feel the time slowly creeping up on me, and I'm ready to go when I feel like it

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

what is the thing that makes you want to live, if I may ask?

The desire to simply live. I have been a recluse for a long while, so I didn't do all these things you do when you're young. I remember hanging with my friends only twice, except for the times we gathered for some school project. I only had a brief thing with a crush, also at school. My life was resumed to go to school, come back home and repeat. I wish I had more experiences. And now that I'm grown I feel like my existence was just an empty agony.