Cicis.Doing.Unwell7
𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐌𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐓𝐨 𝐃𝐨. <𝟑
- Aug 8, 2025
- 110
☆ ──꒰
(𝑪 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈...)
I am reasoning this out—trying to figure it out for myself right now.
My own perspective:
I was emotionally neglected and, both as a child and as a teenager, sexual abuse.
I have suicidal thoughts since I was eleven years old, and my parents hurt and harmed me for what felt like an eternity, in every conceivable way.
The only thing I have is myself—and, at times, the will to live. But even that is only a 50/50 proposition.
I have virtually no clarity on whether I truly want to live or not.
I have found acceptance within society and in my professional life; Work, Living situation, money, friends, holidays.
It feels to me I have already "played through" life, traumas and all. Sometimes it feels like nothing can take me down anymore... but then it does.
When I was sexually abused, I tried to end my life and survived it. Which makes me think, I can survive anything. Even though, deep down, my soul feels dead.
I find myself wondering—despite having endured this for so long, and despite still contemplating ways to take my own life even today—whether this is the "right" path to take... simply because I am suffering so profoundly.
I do have goals; I wanna be a good nurse and I wanna marry one day - but there is this gut feeling. I am terrified that everything I have been through will happen all over again. I have CPTSD, and I cannot imagine that nothing else severe will ever happen in my life...
I just do not know it any different. So would a Suicide Be Prophylactic for further suffering?
☆ ── 𝑩𝒚𝒆; 𝑪!
꒱
I am reasoning this out—trying to figure it out for myself right now.
My own perspective:
I was emotionally neglected and, both as a child and as a teenager, sexual abuse.
I have suicidal thoughts since I was eleven years old, and my parents hurt and harmed me for what felt like an eternity, in every conceivable way.
The only thing I have is myself—and, at times, the will to live. But even that is only a 50/50 proposition.
I have virtually no clarity on whether I truly want to live or not.
I have found acceptance within society and in my professional life; Work, Living situation, money, friends, holidays.
It feels to me I have already "played through" life, traumas and all. Sometimes it feels like nothing can take me down anymore... but then it does.
When I was sexually abused, I tried to end my life and survived it. Which makes me think, I can survive anything. Even though, deep down, my soul feels dead.
I find myself wondering—despite having endured this for so long, and despite still contemplating ways to take my own life even today—whether this is the "right" path to take... simply because I am suffering so profoundly.
I do have goals; I wanna be a good nurse and I wanna marry one day - but there is this gut feeling. I am terrified that everything I have been through will happen all over again. I have CPTSD, and I cannot imagine that nothing else severe will ever happen in my life...
I just do not know it any different. So would a Suicide Be Prophylactic for further suffering?
☆ ── 𝑩𝒚𝒆; 𝑪!