Autistic and suicidal

[werewolfgirl]

This is my first post here on this site, I'm hoping I can find community here!

I'm an adult who was diagnosed with autism very late into my life, which caused me to never really have my needs met as an autistic person (and I still don't really have my needs met/resources, other than therapy and counselling)

I have a lovely family, lovely friends, lovely classmates and above all a lovely partner.

But, I still feel suicidal a lot of the time.
I have a job and I went back to college to go for a degree because I felt like I had to do something with my life, otherwise I wouldn't have a future.

I feel like college is just so much pressure, and while I like my classmates, I hate everything about college (going there, being there, going back, projects and homework) and the fact I have to work after college hours to pay for it is just so stressfull to me.

Recently I have also been thinking about how life, especially as an autistic, just doesn't seem enjoyable at all. I don't wanna have to slave away 5 days a week just to be able to live, and probably not even live good because everything is so expensive lol.

All of this just leads me to wanting to CTB, despite me having a good community, which makes me feel really guilty because I'm afraid I am just a very ungrateful crybaby that cannot do anything to fend for herself.

My question to you all is; are any of you in the similar boat? What's your perspective and what are your thoughts on CTB? I would love to hear perspectives from other people who are also struggling with being autistic.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

You aren't a very ungrateful crybaby prices are really high and expensive

I was also diagnosed with autism really too late..

 

[mistake22]

This is my first post here on this site, I'm hoping I can find community here!

I'm an adult who was diagnosed with autism very late into my life, which caused me to never really have my needs met as an autistic person (and I still don't really have my needs met/resources, other than therapy and counselling)

I have a lovely family, lovely friends, lovely classmates and above all a lovely partner.

But, I still feel suicidal a lot of the time.
I have a job and I went back to college to go for a degree because I felt like I had to do something with my life, otherwise I wouldn't have a future.

I feel like college is just so much pressure, and while I like my classmates, I hate everything about college (going there, being there, going back, projects and homework) and the fact I have to work after college hours to pay for it is just so stressfull to me.

Recently I have also been thinking about how life, especially as an autistic, just doesn't seem enjoyable at all. I don't wanna have to slave away 5 days a week just to be able to live, and probably not even live good because everything is so expensive lol.

All of this just leads me to wanting to CTB, despite me having a good community, which makes me feel really guilty because I'm afraid I am just a very ungrateful crybaby that cannot do anything to fend for herself.

My question to you all is; are any of you in the similar boat? What's your perspective and what are your thoughts on CTB? I would love to hear perspectives from other people who are also struggling with being autistic.

I relate to hating college. I myself am on a verge of self harm from all the stress. I never have been diagnosed but i know i am definitely not neurotypical. When i was 16 i joined the army, got humiliated and came back home feeling empty and aimless. Been trying to ctb since but i always find a reason to keep going to my utter agony. In my opinion, it would be nice if life was like those happy movies where everybody is happy at the end but life isnt like that. While suicide is sad and tragic it really feels like the only option left for me

 

[blueebellsss]

I have autism too, I got diagnosed right after graduating high school and I'm now 22. I feel the same way.

I often call it a silent killer. A high percentage of us carry traumas, past bullying/neglect and comorbid disorders. I've tried countless of therapy but I feel like nobody understands. It's torture to live with. I recall wanting to end things as young as 9 years old.

 

[werewolfgirl]

I have autism too, I got diagnosed right after graduating high school and I'm now 22. I feel the same way.

I often call it a silent killer. A high percentage of us carry traumas, past bullying/neglect and comorbid disorders. I've tried countless of therapy but I feel like nobody understands. It's torture to live with. I recall wanting to end things as young as 9 years old.

I have this too. I'm very grateful for all of the resources that I have in my life and while it is nice I feel like none of the professionals truly have an understanding for me nor can truly help me other than to teach me how to cope with bad thoughts and have a positive outlook, which is hard when things look stressful and all things considered the future looks very unstable. I started being suicidal around 13 and after I confided to my father he threatened to send me to a psych ward and also told everybody in our social circle what I said to him :/. People really just don't get it, hence why I came on to this forum

 

[blueebellsss]

I have this too. I'm very grateful for all of the resources that I have in my life and while it is nice I feel like none of the professionals truly have an understanding for me nor can truly help me other than to teach me how to cope with bad thoughts and have a positive outlook, which is hard when things look stressful and all things considered the future looks very unstable. I started being suicidal around 13 and after I confided to my father he threatened to send me to a psych ward and also told everybody in our social circle what I said to him :/. People really just don't get it, hence why I came on to this forum

Completely agree. As much as I appreciate non-autistic professionals' effort to understand us, I feel like it's genuinely impossible. It's very lonely. I hope you can find peace.

 

[thelostautistic]

Hey, I'm in a very similar boat to you. I was diagnosed at 23. Being autistic has destroyed my mental health.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

I have autism too, I got diagnosed right after graduating high school and I'm now 22. I feel the same way.

I often call it a silent killer. A high percentage of us carry traumas, past bullying/neglect and comorbid disorders. I've tried countless of therapy but I feel like nobody understands. It's torture to live with. I recall wanting to end things as young as 9 years old.

Literally the same traumas, past bullying/neglect and disorders yes.. even obsessions included with a package of agoraphobia and social phobia.

I have this too. I'm very grateful for all of the resources that I have in my life and while it is nice I feel like none of the professionals truly have an understanding for me nor can truly help me other than to teach me how to cope with bad thoughts and have a positive outlook, which is hard when things look stressful and all things considered the future looks very unstable. I started being suicidal around 13 and after I confided to my father he threatened to send me to a psych ward and also told everybody in our social circle what I said to him :/. People really just don't get it, hence why I came on to this forum

Having a bad family while you are an autistics would suck too much, it wasn't my case fortunately.

 

[werewolfgirl]

Literally the same traumas, past bullying/neglect and disorders yes.. even obsessions included with a package of agoraphobia and social phobia.

Having a bad family while you are an autistics would suck too much, it wasn't my case fortunately.

Don't worry, while my relationship with my dad is not the greatest we love each other very much and I have a good family situation! I have just learned that in the case of my parents they don't quite seem to understand what goes on in my head, how and why I act the way I do, and while that's ok I do wish they'd understand!