BurntToCinders
From a Bad Place, Somewhere in the Past
- Jul 2, 2026
- 19
For backstory, I attempted back in 2023. I spent several months planning it out, thinking about it, writing a note, then finding the perfect day. I obviously failed. Never had a reason, really. Just don't feel like sticking around anymore. It subsided until just about the start of last month.
It's back. And for all of June it was pretty much just ideation. Thinking about doing it, but not actually dwelling on it or planning on acting upon it. Then, last Thursday, I found myself here. I think I was searching up OD information, and landed in a thread here. It's slightly terrifying because I have no idea where it came from or why I ended up looking for the OD info in the first place, but now I've ordered SN from one source, and am planning on finding another if it falls through.
Passive ideation has become an obsession incredibly rapidly. I've found myself on here daily so far, and expect to again. It's strange and slightly disturbing, but has an odd sense of comfort to it. I'm back to planning. Thinking around the 3 year anniversary of my last attempt, November 21st or 22nd, maybe 28th or 29th. I wanna do Friendsgiving with the gang right before heading out. Just like last time.
All these words to say it's incredibly interesting how casual thoughts can evolve into action so quickly. Especially when I have absolutely no logical or emotional reason for CTB in the first place.
It's back. And for all of June it was pretty much just ideation. Thinking about doing it, but not actually dwelling on it or planning on acting upon it. Then, last Thursday, I found myself here. I think I was searching up OD information, and landed in a thread here. It's slightly terrifying because I have no idea where it came from or why I ended up looking for the OD info in the first place, but now I've ordered SN from one source, and am planning on finding another if it falls through.
Passive ideation has become an obsession incredibly rapidly. I've found myself on here daily so far, and expect to again. It's strange and slightly disturbing, but has an odd sense of comfort to it. I'm back to planning. Thinking around the 3 year anniversary of my last attempt, November 21st or 22nd, maybe 28th or 29th. I wanna do Friendsgiving with the gang right before heading out. Just like last time.
All these words to say it's incredibly interesting how casual thoughts can evolve into action so quickly. Especially when I have absolutely no logical or emotional reason for CTB in the first place.
