What is more difficult for you making friends or finding a romantic partner?

[noname223]

I am pretty good at making friends. But I am so bad at finding a significant other.

The thing is a romantic other wants to build a future with you. And I just don't have future prospects. If I told them the truth they would run away immediately. Moreover, I easily get psychotic when I meet a woman I am interested in. Which ruined a lot. It is a science that I don't understand. Or a foreign language I don't speak.

Though I have made some progress with almost getting in a relationship with a woman early this year. But it collapsed pretty quickly.

In front of friends I have less to hide. I think a partnership could help me significantly mentally. I would be more dependent and that is something I could now show.

I have friends from my school time we know us for over a decade. I don't know whether I would have friends without them. I think maintaining the relationship with them helped my social skills.

I wonder whether apps to find friends are as frustrating as dating apps for many lonely men.

I have two very close friends who know everything about my mental state and suicidality. Which helps avoiding these topics with less closer friends. It is always a gamble opening up. I think one person ghosted me for it. But I did not care that much. But I have to protect others from my dark side. Which is managable as long as I can speak uncensored on SaSu and with my two closest friends.

 

[lost_one]

Both seem pretty impossible. But long term I feel like friends are harder, llike real friends, people that aren't around you just for convinience, people that actually care.

 

[hikaru13]

For me, it'd be finding a romantic partner. They're better off as friends but never more than that. Because after dating them, you'd realise how better things were when you were just friends.

 

[bankai]

Then maybe you're better off alone. At least be thankful you have friends. A lot of people don't have those either.

Being partners with someone is a lot more complicated than being friends. Being partners means you're going to join each others lives together. That means bringing together all the bullshit you both have in common. And well. If you're on a damn suicide site, do you really need To be in a relationship?

There's no need to bring anyone else into the suffering you already have going on. That's all I can say.

 

[noname223]

Then maybe you're better off alone. At least be thankful you have friends. A lot of people don't have those either.

Being partners with someone is a lot more complicated than being friends. Being partners means you're going to join each others lives together. That means bringing together all the bullshit you both have in common. And well. If you're on a damn suicide site, do you really need To be in a relationship?

There's no need to bring anyone else into the suffering you already have going on. That's all I can say.

But this would mean isolation. You could argue the same with friends. And I think supporting each other can bei better than simply isolating yourself. I think my friends also benefit from our friendship.

 

[starboy2k]

Making money is harder for me than both of those things put together lmaooo

 

[bankai]

But this would mean isolation. You could argue the same with friends. And I think supporting each other can bei better than simply isolating yourself. I think my friends also benefit from our friendship.

Is isolation so bad when it means you can't hurt someone else? On this site we can't even support ourselves, let alone support another person. A partnership is very different from friendship. A partnership is merging your life with another. I hope you understand.

If you can't be happy by yourself, how can you be happy with someone else and how can you make them happy? Think about that carefully. There are tons of people who will get into relationships and just try to squeeze out what they can for themselves without any regard to the other person. I don't want to be in that kind of relationship.

 

[noname223]

Is isolation so bad when it means you can't hurt someone else? On this site we can't even support ourselves, let alone support another person. A partnership is very different from friendship. A partnership is merging your life with another. I hope you understand.

If you can't be happy by yourself, how can you be happy with someone else and how can you make them happy? Think about that carefully. There are tons of people who will get into relationships and just try to squeeze out what they can for themselves without any regard to the other person. I don't want to be in that kind of relationship.

I think isolating is dangerous when one is depressed and suicidal. The mind can be an echo chamber without connections.

I have made that woman happy for some months and she made me happy. It helped each other and I still benefit from that connection. I think there are many examples where depressed and suicdal people have fullfilled relationships. There are way too many counterexamples to hold your position.

 

[bankai]

I think isolating is dangerous when one is depressed and suicidal. The mind can be an echo chamber without connections.

I have made that woman happy for some months and she made me happy. It helped each other and I still benefit from that connection. I think there are many examples where depressed and suicdal people have fullfilled relationships. There are way too many counterexamples to hold your position.

But how long does that last? Some months, right? That's not what relationships are about. There's the honeymoon phase where you're all lovey dovey about each other and then there's the nightmare phase...

Also, why are we talking about isolation? We have friends, right to prevent that?

All I'm saying is we need to fix ourselves before we try to get in a relationship. If you think a relationship can fix you, then I don't know what to tell you.

 

[noname223]

But how long does that last? Some months, right? That's not what relationships are about. There's the honeymoon phase where you're all lovey dovey about each other and then there's the nightmare phase...

Also, why are we talking about isolation? We have friends, right to prevent that?

All I'm saying is we need to fix ourselves before we try to get in a relationship. If you think a relationship can fix you, then I don't know what to tell you.

In my example it only lasted some months. But there are marriages that hold over years even if one partner is depressed and suicidal. There are not a few depressed and suicidal people on SaSu who benefit a lot from their relationship.

The woman I knew had no friends. She only had boyfriends from time to time. Otherwise she wouldd have been sort of isolated.

I don't think a relationship can fix me. But happniess it built on different pillars. And romantic relationships can be one of them.

 

[Doll Steak]

Friends, I honestly would hardly care for a romantic partner as long as I had friends.

 

[bankai]

Friends, I honestly would hardly care for a romantic partner as long as I had friends.

I agree, that's the point. As long as you had some sort of companionship, that would sate your loneliness

 

[ilvgore]

Friends, but I don't care as much about them.
I want deep bonds, I want bonds that know everything about me.
And I only want to reserve that for my romantic relationships:)
Because I get too overstimulated from having too much social bonds.
I wanna focus on one special person<3

 

[bankai]

In my example it only lasted some months. But there are marriages that hold over years even if one partner is depressed and suicidal. There are not a few depressed and suicidal people on SaSu who benefit a lot from their relationship.

The woman I knew had no friends. She only had boyfriends from time to time. Otherwise she wouldd have been sort of isolated.

I don't think a relationship can fix me. But happniess it built on different pillars. And romantic relationships can be one of them.

Yeah, that's the problem though. Relationships are not supposed to last a few months or a few years. They are meant to last a lifetime. And beyond this, it gets very complex because you're going to have children and combine finances. Divorces are extremely messy. Dude, I've been watching Dave Ramsey's channel and let me tell you, the horror stories are just insane. I mean, you can quote singular cases as much as you want. But the statistics don't lie. Majority of marriages end in divorce. And these are just normal marriages. Forget about people who are suicidal.


I rest my case.Yeah, I'm well aware of what the dream is. And I'm well aware of how pretty and fancy people want things to be. Reality is a bit different though.

 

[Dejected 55]

I've never had a romantic partner. I've had a few "friends" but they were more like acquaintances because we really weren't connected.

I find most people to be closed off and often selfish. I get swallowed whole by selfish people and it hurts... and the closed-off ones you really can't connect with in a meaningful way.

I don't miss having "friends" but I've always longed for a romantic partner.

 

[Hollowman]

Both. I'm incapable of either so I gave up.

 

[psp3000]

making friends (I don't even call people who are technically friends, friends/friend) because I cannot trust people and people are very open with me which I think is the reason why I attract strange people

which is another reason why I say making friends would be the more difficult thing

you think they are normal and trustworthy and then boom they tell you they like murdering people for fun or something

an exaggeration yeah but it really is like that sometimes

 

[bankai]

you think they are normal and trustworthy and then boom they tell you they like murdering people for fun or something

an exaggeration yeah but it really is like that sometimes

 

[wham311]

Always appreciated the company of women more.

Did not get along with guys well. Did not like social circles bc you have a place in them and you don't always like where it's at.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

I would say if u dont have social skills to make friends its gonna be extremly hard to get any romantic relationships but all together making friends should be easier

 

[purplesky9]

I am pretty good at making friends. But I am so bad at finding a significant other.

The thing is a romantic other wants to build a future with you. And I just don't have future prospects. If I told them the truth they would run away immediately. Moreover, I easily get psychotic when I meet a woman I am interested in. Which ruined a lot. It is a science that I don't understand. Or a foreign language I don't speak.

Though I have made some progress with almost getting in a relationship with a woman early this year. But it collapsed pretty quickly.

In front of friends I have less to hide. I think a partnership could help me significantly mentally. I would be more dependent and that is something I could now show.

I have friends from my school time we know us for over a decade. I don't know whether I would have friends without them. I think maintaining the relationship with them helped my social skills.

I wonder whether apps to find friends are as frustrating as dating apps for many lonely men.

I have two very close friends who know everything about my mental state and suicidality. Which helps avoiding these topics with less closer friends. It is always a gamble opening up. I think one person ghosted me for it. But I did not care that much. But I have to protect others from my dark side. Which is managable as long as I can speak uncensored on SaSu and with my two closest friends

I have extremely bad social anxiety so both are difficult for me. My partner was my only friend but now he has ghosted me and is ignoring all my texts.

 

[Dejected 55]

I would say if u dont have social skills to make friends its gonna be extremly hard to get any romantic relationships but all together making friends should be easier

I am friendly and open and honest and willing to talk to and meet new people. But most people are not reciprocating. I don't meet people who are open and sharing. I used to have friends that basically they would call me when their more interesting friends were busy. I was the one they knew would always be around. I got tired of that.

I got tired of opening myself to be hurt by people over and over so I stopped trying to make friends. I still tried a little, especially recently, to find a girlfriend... and that means a friend first, lover next... but I find the same to be true, I'm willing to be vulnerable and open and they are not... and I end up hurt and alone as always.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not. But I don't really get a chance to be the problem in the relationship because everyone else does that bit first.

 

[Pluto]

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Making real relationships is harder than both, where you can find someone regardless if it's a friend or even a one time acquaintance who is there to genuinely have a good time and share interests for the small time you talk to them rather than wait for an opportunity to get something out of you or simply using you as a stand in friend.

 

[selfaware?]

I am pretty good at making friends. But I am so bad at finding a significant other.

The thing is a romantic other wants to build a future with you. And I just don't have future prospects. If I told them the truth they would run away immediately. Moreover, I easily get psychotic when I meet a woman I am interested in. Which ruined a lot. It is a science that I don't understand. Or a foreign language I don't speak.

Though I have made some progress with almost getting in a relationship with a woman early this year. But it collapsed pretty quickly.

In front of friends I have less to hide. I think a partnership could help me significantly mentally. I would be more dependent and that is something I could now show.

I have friends from my school time we know us for over a decade. I don't know whether I would have friends without them. I think maintaining the relationship with them helped my social skills.

I wonder whether apps to find friends are as frustrating as dating apps for many lonely men.

I have two very close friends who know everything about my mental state and suicidality. Which helps avoiding these topics with less closer friends. It is always a gamble opening up. I think one person ghosted me for it. But I did not care that much. But I have to protect others from my dark side. Which is managable as long as I can speak uncensored on SaSu and with my two closest friends.

In my case, i believe im a really social person, with good traits and stuff that makes u think im a chill guy, (but thats an aspect to improve, i dont need to be good / care about the ones who dont care or hate me for any reason).
I havent had problems to make friends lately (secondary school was harsh in this aspect besides last year). In university even tho i had some ups and downs i've found my group. But the romantic aspect is totally different.
My way of falling in love isnt like modern times i think, whenever i meet a girl i probably end up being friends (obv if theres something in common) but then i start having feelings and somehow always end up screwing it up, or being flat rejected :/
It feels bad to never had kissed any girl or had any type of romantic aspect in my 19 years of life (my bday was a couple days ago yayy! [spent it with those friends i've talked about]).
But well, i just say "it is what it is", or "the time will come" and continue with my stuff. Its funny to think ppl my age alr had sex, had like 3+ partners, or even had hookups with anyone they'd found attractive. But, then i think, im not that type of person + if i start comparing my romantic life with others i will end up more depressed.

edit: i tend to overthink a lot about this stuff so prob thats a reason i may scare girls away when i confess (? or maybe go in too early or too late that those girls only take me as a friend
edit2: i forgot to add that i also get anxious when im surrounded by a group of new persons, but its weird cuz sometimes i can be totally open and social and then i get nervous af (mostly when in big groups of strangers), idk if that makes any difference xd

 

[Forever Sleep]

It would be finding a romantic partner but, I'm not trying to find either friendships or relationships now. I'm happier to try to hold on to the one or two friends I still loosely keep in touch with and be alone for the rest of the time. I like being alone.

This forum is great because it enables some social interaction without me being tempted so much to become reliant on someone. That's usually ended badly in my experience.

I did try for a few years to actively attract a guy I had a (limerent) crush on. Other than that, it's mostly been love from afar. Plus, I tended to go for people way out of my league.

I'm not one for casual relationships or fair weather friends. I have this feeling that- if it's right, it shouldn't be difficult to attain either. My very best friendships were so good because they felt effortless. We could (hopefully) just be ourselves and be happy together. I'd hope it would be the same in a romantic relationship but, I never found that. Or, I found that it was mostly one sided- that I appreciated them more than they did me.

 

[parentportaldotnet]

for me, it's finding friends. romantic partners have come easy for me, but i think that's because when i have one, my world circles around them. it's like they're the only thing that exists. because of that, i push my friends away and i hate it. i know it makes me a shitty person, but i cant help it. i just become enamored with that person.