Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[theangelswept]

I really want to go back out on the patio and smoke another cigarette to stave off these terrifying suicidal thoughts. I can't tell if the thoughts are terrifying actually... or just really comforting. I love sasu.... I love it here so much.

 

[nitrogenous]

Tired, exhausted. I thought that I've just been mentally unwell, but nope. My physical health also deteriorates. I think I'm burnt out and I just can't do anything anymore.

 

[Xi-Xi]

If I died today, I would be doing the world a service. And I want to do something good, so why am I making things actively worse for society?

 

[maylurker]

shaking from adrenaline holiday celebrations take a toll on me

 

[Dejected 55]

The end to the end-of-year trilogy of horrible holidays is near... Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's... Valentine's Day comes soon enough... but these flow fast and furious and society beats it into you that something is wrong with you if nobody likes you and you don't have friends and family for these holidays. At least with Valentine's some people say being single is ok and others balk at the holiday even if they have someone... but these end-of-year family/friend traditional ones... you get beaten down by others for not having anyone and you beat yourself down for being alone... and by the end I'm a paste on the floor and unable to care about anything. Why am I still here? I tried to not be... and I couldn't get that right either.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

Another year almost over. Another year that I told myself would be the last one, but it wasn't, as usual.

I haven't written anything on here for months. It's not because I've been miraculously cured, but because there's very little to say anymore. I'm miserable and that's about it. Yes some days are better than others, in the sense that they're not as bad, but there are no good days really.

Maybe 2026 really will be my final year. Probably not, because I'm a coward, but I hope so.

 

[BlendedHeart]

I don't know why I feel this way. It's just another day. Nothing special. I'm lonely every day. Why today should it be different? It's just another day.

 

[maylurker]

my mood is better than the flatline ive been in for the last weeks

 

[Kirke]

I'm, uh, in a limbo state. Just a second ago I was watching fireworks and listening to a person saying that friends don't exist, and now I'm stuffing myself in the kitchen in the dim light, listening to jazz. It feels like my senses, like a mountain climber, are trying to reach the top, but an avalanche of snow has just swept them away. I feel nothing except that what I ate shouldn't have been eaten. I know I have a tough day tomorrow. Unrelated to food, that is.

 

[ceelobling]

my head hurts and feels heavy. i feel like shit right now. im so done with all this shit.

 

[shampoo sniffer]

Sick because I have flu.

 

[inkmage333]

I can't take it anymore

 

[darksouls]

still rotting in my fortress of solitude

 

[Dark Moon]

Depressed because not just about life and my situation but it's the new year today and I continue to rot on my own.

 

[Dejected 55]

The song remains the same. Lather, rinse, repeat. Day after day after day after day after day. On and on and on and on and on. So much repetitive redundancy and experiencing the same feeling again and again and again and again and again. The monotony would be amusing if it weren't so depressing.

 

[Bowerbird]

I'm scared of Loud House fans.

 

[Spite]

The anhedonia has been hitting me pretty hard lately. I'm so tired of life. It's like nothing excites me and I don't look forward to anything anymore. I have almost no drive or motivation to do anything. I can't find the willpower to continue making art. Listening to music is getting boring. Playing video games is getting tiring too. There's nothing here for me and this world is just so exhausting to have to be a part of. I hate my job too and getting out of bed in the morning and having to drag my ass to work is a Herculean task for me. I wish I could just always stay in bed and do nothing. Thinking about having to spend the next 40+ years wageslaving away at some dead-end job actually makes me want to put a bullet through my head ASAP.

We just celebrated New Year's, and despite everything I tried to remain positive and have a hopeful attitude towards 2026 being a better year. Only 48 hours into the new year and I can already feel the tiny inkling of hope I had disappearing. It won't get better. This year will be the exact same as 2023, 2024, and 2025. It'll be the same slog. The same bullshit. The same feelings of suffocating exhaustion and all-consuming hopelessness that never go away.

I don't want to go through a whole 'nother year. I'm sick of this. I'm done with it all.

 

[Custos]

Fuck everything I don't don't want to be alive, cunts cunts cunts cunts, everyone is a fucking cunt. Let me die.

 

[violetforever]

i had a dream i had my own baby. a baby girl. i was holding her, feeding her, talking to her. we were outside by the pool and other people were there too. i think i was fully naked and so was my baby and it wasn't shameful at all to be like that in this dreamland. i tried nursing her but she wouldn't. it didn't cause any negativity in the dream though, everything still felt happy. i never dreamt something like this. i woke up and stayed in bed thinking about it for a while. in my waking life i don't think i'd ever felt so beautiful and calm like i did in that dream caring for my baby.

in reality, i've never wanted children or marriage. and i really don't. i wouldn't want to raise them after they grow up from being babies/young children. i don't want to have sex with a man. i don't view men as caring or trustworthy enough for even that, let alone making them a father. everything i hear about pregnancy sounds scary and painful. i'm too underweight. i don't even get regular periods, if any. i actually used to feel relieved to know i most likely made myself infertile at this point in my anorexia. i think i was scared to grow out of girlhood so i tried to damage any part of me that made me womanly. i don't want to bring a baby into my already awful family and have them inevitably develop mental illness. my own childhood mainly traumatized all of these thoughts into me.

it would fulfill me enough to have a job where i could care for children so that's what i plan to do with my life if i don't ctb.

 

[Dejected 55]

Increasingly I ask myself what even is the point? I don't have an answer.

 

[Bowerbird]

how my life feels at the moment

 

[Manaaja]

Most people want a bad life so badly, that if they heard drinking apple juice will make them go to hell and suffer there forever, they'd all overdose on apple juice.

It's very rare for a person to want a good life.

They want their suffering, they want their torment.

They say they don't, but they are lying. They want abusive people, bad people, to win. They want their status quo.

They enjoy submission and masochism.

 

[Dejected 55]

Fucked. But not at all in the good way. All the bad with none of the good. Take all the risk with none of the reward. Lose but never win. Fail and never even get a valuable lesson from it. It's all bad, even looking on the bright side, that's bad too. The silver lining burns.

 

[BlendedHeart]

Tiring myself going to the gym every day helps the days to go faster, but lets me without energy to work. I need to find a balance to keep a functional life. Wish I have the courage to stop. Everything,

Just found out the mental health line I called a week ago closed its services on January 1. Obviously they finished their contract, but I amuse myself by thinking my call depressed them so much that they decided to close.

 

[Bowerbird]

My life feels like one big unskippable cutscene atm. At least it'll be over soon. Or so I hope.

 

[Manaaja]

I'm annoyed. Ultra angry.

There's one person who was recently captured. He looks a lot like a certain narcissistic, psychopathic, murderous abusive relative of mine.

So at the same time my head thinks "Yay! I'm finally free. That relative was finally caught!". But then I turn around, and oh, it's that shithead abusing me. "What's he doing here? Isn't he in prison? Oh wait, it was a doppelganger?"

Why do they have to look so similar...

 

[BlendedHeart]

Saturday nights make me feel like such a loser, haha. It's just another night, like any other, but still.

Didn't go out when I was younger, nor today. Watching all the people sharing moments with friends under the city lights crushes me.

 

[Dejected 55]

Everything is nothing and nothing is everything. It's all meaningless and somehow the most important thing ever. I hurt and I am numb. The dichotomy of it all makes no sense and somehow all the sense in the world. I don't want to be here, I would never have asked to be here, I will only be glad when I know I am about to be gone forever. Until then, I just hurt all the time.

 

[Custos]

I need to overcome my food addiction and lose weight.

 

[itsgone2]

I want this now. For me. I want this to end. Completely. Truly. Tired of things being dark. They need to be over