Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[itsgone2]

Just numb. I thought I'd ctb by now. I'm stunned to be here. Every evening seems like potential to be the one, then something happens when it starts to get dark. SI I assume? Just makes it feel so far away as a possibility

 

[Irisse]

Why am I so fucking annoying?

 

[corpse]

I have so much to do in my daily life and it stresses me out so much that I would rather die right now.

 

[Irisse]

I am so pissed off right now. My presentation went well, not the best of the bunch but at least I passed. But before that, I was the first one to come into the classroom. Then this girl from my group comes in, I say " ' Morning!" And not only does she not reply, she looks at me like I have three heads. I almost asked if she was mute or something but managed to hold back. Seriously, when I speak it isn't good enough, and when I keep to myself it isn't good enough. And when I die they'll be all like "She lit up the room!" or some fake shit like that.

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

I got a "care concern" from my school. Apparently there may have been multiple. Anonymous reporting system, I don't know how that's supposed to not make you feel paranoid. Apparently the primary concern wasn't how I'm failing everything, like I thought it was, and like I thought I'd have to self-flagellate over and explain to the care team rep. And I was dreadfully afraid they'd bring up the S-word (they didn't, thankfully).

It was about hygiene. Fucking embarrassing, but also funny because it wasn't about my internal reality and the things I've been worrying about at all. It was about me apparently being too fucking weird to exist and being an eyesore because of my psoriasis (covers most of my body). I had to explain it was a medical condition.

My hygiene isn't good, so the complaint was still valid overall. But it occurred to me later that it might've been about my skin so I asked and they said yes. I had to go on about how it wasn't contagious, etc, but to even find out that that was what it was about I had to pry. If it was faculty they could've just fucking asked me "is this skin problem contagious" and I would've said no and given them documentation. Instead of this backdoor shit.

What the actual fuck. I didn't realize I was such a god damn alien because of things I can't control. I hate it here so much, I feel hedged out by every single factor.

I just wanna live in a cabin in the woods or some shit why is everything so hard.

Honestly such a literal fucking translation of "skin deep" in action.

 

[whybother2002]

Please let me get better. Please :(

 

[corpse]

I'm not feeling well at all right now.

 

[corpse]

I should just CTB already, my boyfriend wouldn't miss me anyway.

 

[woodlandcreature]

I want a hug, but I don't want anyone to touch me. I don't want anyone around me. I need to die. I can't stop shaking.

 

[Mr. Snrub]

I feel like there's nobody home. Without a mask I'm faceless.

 

[darksouls]

trapped in depressions and my fortress of solitude

 

[nitritegirl]

a lot of anguish, so much anguish that i cant take it anymore.

 

[Irisse]

I feel guilty for being insensitive by accident.

 

[woodlandcreature]

the end is near. please say it's so. i can't wait to not exist anymore.

 

[BeyondSurvival]

A lot better than my anxiety attacks.

 

[corpse]

It makes me angry that I haven't done anything to anyone, and yet they treat me disrespectfully and downplay my pain.

 

[broken_stoic]

I'm so fucking tired. Every new thing I try either doesn't work or seems to backfire. I'm close to being homeless and losing medical care because of the shit-show that this country has become. I don't have long to somehow get a job in this horrendous market with my brain not functioning properly, and I'm just . . . just so done. I really just want things to turn around or to be able to stop being afraid and let go.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

My brain is now full of negative self-talk... Maybe I'm destined to continue this habit for good.

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

It sounds dumb probably but I feel like if I had sought out a partner (romantic, not suicide) more actively when I was still a normal weight/had mostly normal skin and was reasonably attractive maybe all of this could've gone in a different direction and I wouldn't be in a town I hate all alone, dreading the future. There was nothing stopping me but shit self-esteem and bad social skills. Still factors today but now I'm hideous on top of it. I look forward to being a normal weight again though (have made some progress) and that is lifefuel I guess. I'm always regretting stupid shit!

 

[corpse]

My appointment with my therapist was cancelled because she's sick, and now I have to wait until next week. I might as well just die.

 

[corpse]

My day started really badly, but my book is finally here! I just picked it up from the post office and I'm so excited to see what it's like. I'll start reading soon.

 

[fallingbehind]

So utterly shit

 

[Irisse]

I need to study but I'm tired with a headache :(

 

[cryone]

im perpetually stuck in a cycle of suffering by my own hands. i push people i like away from me and then i cry about it alone. i get overwhelmed by all the little things and treat myself inferior to others, which only makes me worse off. cant help it though. my environment makes me feel undeserving of everything n isolated in an unpleasant way. cant seem to break out. im back here after a while no matter what big changes happen im my life. as per usual. i think suicidal ideation is part of who i am now.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

There are people, no one is interested in me.

 

[corpse]

I just wanted to clarify something because I didn't understand it, and then I got yelled at.
What did I do to deserve this?

 

[corpse]

She said to me, "I don't know what's wrong with you, but why do you always have to be on your phone?" I was just quickly checking something on my phone, so what's the fucking problem? Mind your own fucking business and leave me alone.

 

[Irisse]

Not gonna lie, I'm a bit disappointed in my friend.

Today we were talking about her problems as usual and I wanted to tell her about some creepy experiences I've had (creepy as in weird people, not paranormal, and it was right along with the topic we were discussing). She didn't bother to read my messages about that topic for two hours, even though she was reading them immidiately right before.

Also I wanted to show her some of my art (one piece was based on a small bunny sculpture she got me) and she said that she is not the one for art and that she was going to sleep. I understand that not everyone is interested in everything, I'm also not interested in everything, but at least try not to be fucking rude.

It's especially much worse because I've spent hours listening to her complaining about her problems (always the same thing), which cost me valuable study time. I am honestly pissed. I expected better from her.

 

[darksouls]

trapped in eternal darkness

 

[venerated-vader]

I'm bored out of my fucking mind and it's pissing me off. It's only like 3PM and i'm aiming to stay up so i can actually sleep at night. But honestly the day is just one long monotonous nothing-- you'd think I'd have the gumption to go do something if I'm so bored, but I suppose I'm too empty to bother. So I guess i'm going to sit here and stare at a fucking wall until I go completely insane or fall asleep idk