Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[like-spoiledmilk]

Like a raisin. I haven't eaten or had water today.

 

[Manaaja]

Facebooks "discussions" about wolves:

Wolf fanatics: Why don't people spend more time in the nature? Why are people distanced from forests? Why don't people care about wolves! Modern people are too urban!
Person: Okay, I will start spending more time in the nature since you want. *later* I went to a forest and wolves attacked me and my dog.
Wolf fanatics: Fuck you, the woods belong to the wolf! It was right for the wolves to attack you and your dog, humans belong to the cities, not in the nature, how dare you enter animals's territory, btw, I bet you kill more dogs than all the wolves together, bitch.

Hunters: I shot a wolf when it attacked my dog, and made food of it.
Person: Sorry about that. Do you still have some meat left?
Hunters: Sure, I'll bring you.
Person: Thanks.

I like wolves, but when I see hunters treat people well and speak with logic and empathy, while wolf fanatics act like rabid wolves who tear down everyone who dares to question them or say something they don't wanna hear, you know what I think. I'm okay with hunting a few wolves a year.

 

[Dejected 55]

A minor positive thing today... in the grand scheme doesn't mean much, but technically caught a small break. But I don't catch breaks that would have the most meaning, that would set me off in a better direction in life. Those breaks never come my way. It's like winning $5 on a lottery ticket, that is technically a win but it basically just pays the cost of the ticket so you broke even. Yay!

I need a meaningful break in life. I can't say I am "owed" or that I "deserve" such a break... it's just... I would appreciate such a meaningful break in ways that many people would not. I feel like I always get the worst possible outcome in every situation no matter how hard I try or how good I am at a particular thing. It shouldn't be possible to lose so badly all the time, and yet I do... all the time.

 

[NyxCascade]

Feeling sick today I cant lie, got a bad migraine but im still on my phone and blasting music lmao.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I feel like chatGPT was able to provide rare assistance, and make my replies safer:

Spoiler

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[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I'm worried about my health. I haven't told anyone about this shit.

A blood test over a year ago showed my blood sugar is absolutely fucked, it was a huge number after like 12h of fasting. My GP ordered another blood test to make sure that wasn't a fluke, he asked for that in like... April? and I just threw out the forms at home and ignored it.

I almost certainly have type 2 diabetes. I have a family history--both of my paternal grandparents had it. [I've never met my maternal grandparents, they don't know I exist, so I don't know about their health history at all.] I'm having nerve pain and numbness in my fingers. I'm thirsty as fuck and have been for months.

I've also felt generally terrible for the last week.

Fucked up my shoulder so badly while sleeping, incredible pain and unable to use my right arm because of pain from my shoulder to my elbow. Mid-week, I felt nauseous and sick and brain-fogged. I felt so awful I took a covid test; it was negative. My breathing is awful, I feel winded after just climbing into bed. I have asthma, but it's almost never been a real problem in my life. But several days ago, I had to use my inhaler twice on the bus because I could barely breathe. [And man I was scared someone would yell at me for vaping on the bus or shit, mistaking the inhaler for a Goddamn cart... No such issue, though.]

I'm so sick.

Every night I hope that I just don't wake up.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I'm worried about my health. I haven't told anyone about this shit.

A blood test over a year ago showed my blood sugar is absolutely fucked, it was a huge number after like 12h of fasting. My GP ordered another blood test to make sure that wasn't a fluke, he asked for that in like... April? and I just threw out the forms at home and ignored it.

I almost certainly have type 2 diabetes. I have a family history--both of my paternal grandparents had it. [I've never met my maternal grandparents, they don't know I exist, so I don't know about their health history at all.] I'm having nerve pain and numbness in my fingers. I'm thirsty as fuck and have been for months.

I've also felt generally terrible for the last week.

Fucked up my shoulder so badly while sleeping, incredible pain and unable to use my right arm because of pain from my shoulder to my elbow. Mid-week, I felt nauseous and sick and brain-fogged. I felt so awful I took a covid test; it was negative. My breathing is awful, I feel winded after just climbing into bed. I have asthma, but it's almost never been a real problem in my life. But several days ago, I had to use my inhaler twice on the bus because I could barely breathe. [And man I was scared someone would yell at me for vaping on the bus or shit, mistaking the inhaler for a Goddamn cart... No such issue, though.]

I'm so sick.

Every night I hope that I just don't wake up.

One may be able to put it into remission: https://www.diabetes.org.uk/about-diabetes/type-2-reverse

As for your shoulder, I had less extreme, but some soreness once in a while from sleeping incorrectly.

Dw, vapes produce a lot of vapour, while asthma inhalers and similar produce little.

 

[dying_kwik2000]

I'm confused why I keep harming myself in some way when I feel negative emotion. I feel like there is this big empty hole in my chest. I feel unlovable and hated when I'm ignored, even by strangers. I feel like my inner world in a chaotic mesh of bad feeling. I feel like my inside is like a page scribbled all over it.

 

[star.trip]

I feel strange. I'm scared because I know I have to do CTB. I'm living because I'm alive, but I don't really feel like I'm living. It seems like I'm just waiting for it all to end.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am beyond lost. All I get is bad news. It is varying degrees, but nothing ever good. I am always alone and lonely. The two aren't the same thing, but for me I have them both almost all the time. I have no one. Well, technically I can rant and vent at people who will not respond and even if they did would not have any answers. I sometimes can ask for money but that well will run dry at some point. I have no more dreams or aspirations. Anything still within my grasp is no longer of interest to me as I am perpetually alone. I tried and failed to die and now I don't know how to escape. I feel trapped and doomed to suffer more and more over time as the rest of my world implodes around me. No good choices, just which bad choice to try today. The pain piles up and I have no reason to care or go on but I have no option but to continue to exist since there is no way out. I go to bed each night hoping not to wake up. I write to people that I know will not write back and say things I know they don't care about just to get the thoughts out of my head and even that doesn't help me at all. I need a break. I've never had a break, just a breakdown. I always get the worst result of anything I ever try. I'm so tired.

 

[Chemi]

I think i am slipping into mania right now. I dont sleep even when taking my normal sleep medication doses, i dont eat, i obsess over things like this site and spend my whole day here, i get so easily annoyed and distracted, im talkative but also wanna be alone, i feel light headed but also laser focused... Oh no... Help

 

[corpse]

Alcohol only intensifies my death wish.

 

[darksouls]

I live in eternal cold and the cold lives in my soul

 

[woodlandcreature]

worthless. doomed. i just need to die; i can't do this anymore. i want a hug. why do bad things always happen to me? everything hurts, and my dumbass relapsed in sh.

 

[Lady_V]

Is the bag of raisins I just ate too much? Should I go weigh myself? I haven't been eating much of anything in 3 days, I justified it by telling myself raisins are healthy.
A cute guy asked me out a few days ago. I ghosted him. He wanted to take me to get food. I can't eat. I want to get skinnier. I want to die.

 

[darksouls]

my neighbors are absolutely horrible

 

[EmptyBottle]

Feel nice to be able to commit code that works well.. been putting off updating the repo for a bit, tho did tests and only a few changes were needed.

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Tho irl can sometimes be annoying (me included, I accidentally became annoying)

 

[natori]

Melancholic is the correct term I guess.

I don't feel joy or happiness but I don't feel super sad or depressed either. It's one of the better moods that's for sure, best case it's just pure emptiness.

 

[darksouls]

in real life I am surrounded only by vile scum

 

[Manaaja]

Sorry, but if your surname is Human, and you go and fuck a million males, who turn out to be Pedophiles, the child shouldn't be named "Pedophile" or "Human-Pedophile", the child should be named "Human".

 

[darksouls]

I am ashamed to be a human

 

[Dejected 55]

I am dreading things as usual. The weekends are "easier" in a sense because less of the bad thing can happen typically. The bad stuff tends to happen during the traditional work-week. So I always dread starting a new week and knowing bad things will happen and I'll have to face things I can't handle or deal with or fix... and problems will pile up and bad results will come my way. It's a roller coaster, except instead of ups and downs... it somehow just levels out over the weekend and then the bottom falls out for the five weekdays.

 

[darksouls]

I am angry at myself because I have let my time be stolen by negative people throughout my entire life

 

[EmptyBottle]

Annoyed that S8 phone was taken from me by parent because of a video call with a friend from here (I cut the call and closed the app fast before there was proof, and handed the phone locked to protect the chat's privacy, since my account has 2fa, I could intentionally log out and with the 2fa device gone, be unable to recover it)

I'd probably get it back at some point, not sure exactly when but it could be tomorrow or earlier/later. And I'm typing this over Tor (others said one can connect, so I tried) on the server laptop, which idk if it's operations would be interrupted.

PS: The call was nice, we shared stuff about coffee-making and tech (I said the glowing arduino records room temperature)

 

[BoulderSoWhat]

I feel like a boltzmann brain

 

[pokerrkitty]

Ideation. I'm thinking about how much easier things would be for myself if I was no longer alive. I'm really tired of waking up every day, of eating, of showering. All of it.

 

[darksouls]

I despise all the people I am surrounded by in real life

 

[Chili]

I honestly don't know how much longer I can take this life. My job is the worst thing that's happened to me. I want to quit ASAP but I couldn't pay my bills and I'm contracted until next year and can't afford to break it. I am plotting anything and everything to be get out of this hole I dug myself in man. Just wanna quit.

 

[darksouls]

my neighbors are filthy abominations

 

[losthope1980]

Mentally exhausted, hopeless, abandoned