Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Dejected 55]

Confused and confused and also confused. So many things... some potentially positive, others negative... mostly negative... but some positive... and all are confusing. I don't get to have many non-confusing things. I get very few situations where things mostly make sense, almost none where it entirely makes sense. Even good things, or potentially good things, always come with loads of confusion so I don't know how to feel other than constantly angsty about them.

 

[woodlandcreature]

i'm scared
i'm also just wondering why i've always been such an uncharismatic and unlikable person. people always misunderstand me and think im obnoxious. i hate me too but ive always tried so hard. i'm just some idiot everyone hates. i just wanted to be happy too. now all my hopes of that are gone.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

little sad. hopeless. during the day i've constantly thought to myself, "am i really going down this path now?" i mean, i'm a little astonished with how much my life has crumbled apart so much to the point that ctb is the only option left to stop any further suffering. funny how it's gotten to this point when i'm just barely an adult, but oh well.

 

[silverana]

awake

 

[fromange]

Disappointed, embarrassed, I hate myself.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am lost. I only know how to be me, I only want to be me, but I know that being me doesn't get things done. I am lost.

 

[KenDuh]

Calm, but it feels like I have a pebble bouncing in my heart, trying to shred it

 

[Black_Knight]

I've never played any social deduction games except once, where I was too nervous to do anything. But I've watched videos of other people playing them, and I often feel I'm in one. An evil player who was forced to be evil when they didn't want to and has to deceive good players as a matter of course. Again, I've never played it, but if any of you have, in Blood on the Clocktower terms, I'm either the Marionnette or the Lunatic and I can't tell which.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Well.... It's been a minute.
Where do I even start ?
Lost... Dread... No friends except online. (Thank the ether or whatever is out there)
I thought of so much to say earlier... Now I'm trying to remember .... Defective brain.
I don't think my brain has grown since I was a tween. I don't know if it's something in my shitty DNA.
I can't express how much I hate this world. Not the animals or reptiles... Bugs are a different story.
Humans are terrible..
Especially the rich. When is it fucking enough ???
I Dread the thought of being reincarnated. I will do my best to get out of it, if it's possible.
I wonder if you come back with the same opinions .... Like if you were a liberal or conservative in this life, would that change ?
Does environment around you make a difference or is your soul or life force still the same ?
Would you still be dumb in the next life or a killer ??? Even if I come back as a bug, it would be a short life and then I would have to do it again.
Guess I overthink that. I just want off this ride. For good.
I will NOT be following "The Light" just in case that is how we get recycled.

My rant for now......

 

[Bowerbird]

sometimes i feel like im like. a guy stuck in a girls body or something. people around me try to be supportive and nice, but deep down i know i'll never be a man/seen as a man (and people who don't misgender me are just trying to be nice but deep down we all know it), and im just stuck like this forever and i kinda have to come to terms with it. i got unlucky. even after being on t for almost a year i still get misgendered and barely anything has changed, and i'm always going to have that underlying dainty/petite bone structure and baby face and 5'2 height and passive demeanour ... no matter how short my hair is or how much beard/hair i get.

but also i dont know if i fit in the same catergory as cis men (or those transmedicalisty binary men who project their own insecurities about how people perceive them, onto picking on younger trans/nonbinary people for being soft or awkward) im just a weird off putting abomination/freak of nature

i deadass look like someones lesbian aunt.. not completely wrong i suppose. i have kind of accepted that people are always gonna perceive me as a "biological woman" no matter what i do or how hard i try, but at this point i dont even care (bc i still partially identify with some aspects of womanhood? like i have that experience of growing up as this shy quiet nerdy girl and experiencing the misogyny/crap that comes with that...) and theres a girl i care about dearly, and if i cant ever be a man i want to at least spend the rest of my life with her. nobody else makes me feel she does and nobody else ever will

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I want to be insulted. Please tell me how incompetent/judgmental/cold blooded/unhelpful/disgusting I am.

 

[Dejected 55]

Lost and isolated and unloved and unwanted. I like myself and I am generally told I am good by others... but nobody wants to make a deep connection beyond surface interaction. Small talk is not my thing. I don't want a 5-minute friendship or a one-night stand/fling. I want a meaningful deep relationship that involves honest deep conversation and actual intimacy of connected spirit. Most people seem to only live for the surface interactions and transactional stuff. I see it everywhere. I don't think the world is designed for people like me to exist for long, much less to have a hint of thriving. I think people like me expose just how shallow most of society is and not only is that not wanted, it embarrasses people and makes them want to shun me and push me to the corner and hide me behind the door so they aren't reminded of how shallow their lives are.

 

[Manaaja]

When there are tons of hot daughters who all have fathers treating them a little "too well, too intimately"...
When there are tons of unattractive daughters who all have fathers treating them like shit, abusing, torturing, even killing them...

I am gonna draw conclusions, and I am gonna act based on those conclusions.

 

[continuing]

stremely depressed, just waiting for a message of my crush saying that hes found love someone else

 

[Andarna]

It's bad, really, really bad. I feel trapped, scared, and alone.
Emotions are building up inside me. I want to scream, but I can't do that here.
I have to keep everything inside, even though this dark cloud is slowly consuming me.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

She said she wanted me to be her friend, that she still cared and loved me. Yet she's treating me like im nothing but a fucking stranger, she new what hell i put myself through and she doesn't even fucking care to ask if im okay. Thats all i need to get through another day, just a good morning, a goodnight, a "sorry I was busy." That or she could do me the favor of telling me she doesn't want anything to do with me. That way I'm not looking towards her every time I start to spiral. It would be so easy, why won't she let me go. It's destroying me, I wouldn't do this to her. I wouldn't do this to anyone.

stremely depressed, just waiting for a message of my crush saying that hes found love someone else

She was massaging someone else while ignoring me. It hurts so much.

It's bad, really, really bad. I feel trapped, scared, and alone.
Emotions are building up inside me. I want to scream, but I can't do that here.
I have to keep everything inside, even though this dark cloud is slowly consuming me.

Feel free to shoot a message if you need someone to talk to.

 

[Marbas]

Tired and sleep deprived. I get to be up a full 24 hours now. Since not only could I not sleep I got called in to work a suprise third shift.

 

[ApparentlyNot]

I feel lonely and scared. I think I will never feel a sense of comfort or being loved ever again. I am so tired and alone.

 

[Dejected 55]

Always alone. That is the cake of my life, everything else is just icing... and even the best icing cannot cover the horrible taste of my lonely cake. Every day of every month of every year. It's all the same.

 

[corpse]

I was clean for so long, but I started cutting myself again.

 

[Manaaja]

In a lot of species, males die right after mating. In many species, most males die without ever mating. In some species, males don't even exist. Nothing is more masculine than not existing and not mating.

Every second you live, you become more feminine, every time you breed, you become more feminine. Living beings start at maximum masculinity that diminishes over time. How long can you hold to that soul of a fetus who had never existed a second ago?

 

[AnxiousLife]

I'm feeling frustrated, as I would like to try to have a better life (probably won't), but this world seems to be such a cruel place, with no fairness and no limits to how bad life can get, whatsoever

 

[Dejected 55]

Sucks to be... and sucks to be me specifically. Just sucks.

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

"You'll fall asleep amid the warm embrace of flowers and feel no pain. That, I can guarantee." it's a quote from a video game, but I am so envious this phrase isn't the reality for me, but also so glad it exists and that I've heard it

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

At this point I don't even know what to do anymore. I am in so much darkness and confusion that I am lost for words. I just want to feel real again and not dissociate with my different forms of numbing methods. I wish I had some courage as well

 

[moviestarraccoon]

i'm thinking about how buying me things is pointless. i feel bad any time money is dropped on me because it feels like a waste. i won't need these things soon, i have nowhere to put them either. i just continue to take up space. feeling like i'm burden is constant.

 

[Dejected 55]

I feel nothing and I feel everything. I am numb, but hyper-sensitive. All I feel is pain, never pleasure or even just good. I get all the worst aspects of any consequences and never any positives. This is how things always land for me. Always. I'm so exhausted with existing. But now I can't even kill myself. I tried that, and failed, and I don't think I can do it again. But I don't want to be here. It is terrible torment to wake up each day waiting for the next bad thing to happen and knowing I won't enjoy a single thing ever. Even one break in life, just one... but no, I can't have that.

 

[Manaaja]

There's a person that has been sexually abusing me and I don't know what to do. No one cares. No one helps.

 

[Dejected 55]

I get lost in my own mind, thinking of the misery in my life and all the things I'll never do... and then the reality of my choices over the past year catching up to me with real consequences as financial ruin is descending upon me and I don't have any recourse. I failed at dying and no longer have the drive to do that. I blew my instance of being able to do that, and now I don't have a way out. I will have to endure all the horrors soon enough, and then be completely alone on my own living on the street with nothing and no one forever. I wish I had died.

 

[yesi]

My gut says I'm truly finished now