Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[darksouls]

still trapped in eternal darkness

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm getting so tired of this shit. I feel so fucking annoyed right now and I don't fucking fully know why. I want to hang myself so badly right now but I can't because my mom is home. It sucks because I have the rope in my bag. I want to cut myself as well, but I can't. I'd cut my thighs and arms as deep as I could if I were able to, but I can't because I was an idiot and told them about my SHing. I know that they would have inevitably found out about it but I still regret telling them. I feel so out of place everywhere I go. I even feel out of place here. Hell, I feel more disconnected from this site's user base compared to when I first signed up here.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

Thinking about the next semester of classes is stressing me out so bad because there's so many things wrong with me. I want to fulfill my dreams, but if I'm too lazy to do basic tasks like taking care of myself, how am I expected to pass all my classes? I misuse OTC medication to help me get through the day, but it makes my heart hurt and race. I know what I'm doing is unhealthy, and I'm scared of the long-term consequences of abusing stimulants. However, if I don't have them, I can't bring myself to do anything

I hope I die on those stimulants so that everyone knows what they pushed me to do. I'm not being melodramatic; I'm doing whatever it takes to deliver the results people want because they would rather watch me implode than give me a break

 

[_Gollum_]

I feel weirdly....okay? July was quite bad but then suddenly the last few days were fine, idk. The randomness of it all sucks. I have no doubt I'll shoot back down. Which is fine by me, because that's where I feel comfortable. Feeling okay like this is scary.

 

[Bowerbird]

god i really want to ctb

but i cant leave yet, theres someone who needs me

 

[darksouls]

coldness in my soul

 

[NutOrat]

I don't know how to articulate these feelings emotionally so instead I will describe how it feels physically:
Weird, almost ticklish "pain?" in the chest, and weakness in the rest of the body, limbs especially. Also that suffocating lump in the throat. Also my head feels heavy, like it's being weighted down from the inside, mostly in the frontal part.
I guess that's how I feel, I don't know, I didn't think this through, which was the assignment ok I'll shut up now haha.

 

[painfully]

Always massively lonely... Nobody will ever want me...

Also Id like to play World of Warcraft but I have nobody to play with...

 

[darksouls]

lost in an endless dark void

 

[Unsure and Useless]

Overwhelmed; looking at my cumulative GPA makes me so disappointed in myself, and it just makes me realize that I truly fucked up my dreams. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like a defective product. Right now, I just wish I had some SN on me so that I could take it and call it before I disappointment both myself and anyone else more.

 

[PhDone]

Alone. So fucking alone. Damn chronic illness. Its a cage.

 

[darksouls]

my depression is wearing me down

 

[Dejected 55]

Tired. I had to go out for groceries today, which means a lot of walking which is tiring physically... but a lot of exposure to other people, and that is exhausting emotionally. Either I am stressed by interactions with people OR stressed by anticipating interactions and trying to avoid them. Either way, exhausting. I almost fell asleep a little bit ago just sitting on the couch. Some days I take short naps. It's all just too much.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I've sent a few text messages to my brother a while back and he hasn't responded to them. I'm starting to think that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I don't blame him, since I was horrible to him back when we were younger. It's all my fault if he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. That is completely within his rights. I decided to block him and now I kind of want to attempt, but I can't because my mom is up. I don't like the idea of attempting while she is home. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I'm such a horrible person. Idk what to do

 

[Grog]

Managing anxiety is hard, especially if you don't want to bother or burden others close to you… and I'm afraid I do it all the time… and I don't want to be a miserable, un-fun person to be around and accidentally push the people I care about away… But I'm probably just being neurotic again; I don't know…

I wish I was more capable. I wish I could do more. I wish I was impressive. I wish I was as intelligent and as effortlessly charming as them… I wish I wasn't so chronically nervous and second-guessing every word that comes out of my mouth…

I wish I was more stable…

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

Overwhelming sadness and self pity

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I'm such an autistic piece of garbage. I should not have been born as a burden to everyone. The world would be better off without my existence. I have no idea why I am still alive. I wish my mother had aborted this leech on society. Nobody loves me.

 

[dustymuck]

Can't bring myself to do anything... I feel tired

 

[darksouls]

suffering in isolation

 

[blood-orange]

Very lonely. I'm tired of being single. I want to be loved again, and have someone to love. I just don't know how i'm going to find it. it feels like even if i try i will probably face rejection or i just won't connect on a deep emotional level. It's been more than a year now since i broke up with my ex and have unsuccesfully dated two people. They just don't understand me like my ex did. I don't think i will ever find anyone like him again.

I'm also tired of working. It feels meaningless to me. I'm just doing it for money and to fund my existence but then i actually have nothing in my life that makes it feel like it's worth living. I don't even know if being in a relationship will fix that. I'm starting to feel as though nothing will make me happy. I'm so tempted to just go on a drug binge and ruin my life. I have people in my life who care about me so i can't do that unfortunately,

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

Very lonely. I'm tired of being single. I want to be loved again, and have someone to love. I just don't know how i'm going to find it. it feels like even if i try i will probably face rejection or i just won't connect on a deep emotional level. It's been more than a year now since i broke up with my ex and have unsuccesfully dated two people. They just don't understand me like my ex did. I don't think i will ever find anyone like him again.

I'm also tired of working. It feels meaningless to me. I'm just doing it for money and to fund my existence but then i actually have nothing in my life that makes it feel like it's worth living. I don't even know if being in a relationship will fix that. I'm starting to feel as though nothing will make me happy. I'm so tempted to just go on a drug binge and ruin my life. I have people in my life who care about me so i can't do that unfortunately,

Same.

Except I'm sex starved on top of love starved.

 

[darksouls]

already dead inside
only my pains reminds me that I am still alive

 

[Dejected 55]

Headache and nausea are back again the last day or so, seems worse today. I don't always know why these cycles come... but they always do. Sometimes I take something for the pain, sometimes I don't. And the world is a dreary place today. Just looking around, so much suffering and poverty and so many people who like it that way for others. And alone, always alone... no one to talk to, to confide in, no one to share things with me, to confide in me... I can't help anyone and no one is here to help me. It's all so pointless, increasingly pointless every minute of every day.

 

[darksouls]

my nightmares are wearing me down

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Recently I have been (trying) to put in the effort to repair the damage that I have caused to my own life. I thought that since I will probably not die in the near future I should try to salvage what little is left, and try to do something useful with it...

I have some of my old, and distant friends on social media. I have witnessed the friendships and relationships that they have made over the last 5 years. This crushes me emotionally, because it reminds me of what I could have had if I did not throw away everything years back. When I see them happy with their partners and new friends it makes my heart sink; now any sense of motivation for trying to repair my life has evaporated.

I want to lie down on my bed and go to sleep, but I know that this will only make my situation worse. I feel empty, lifeless, and just... defeated.

 

[darksouls]

another sleepless night

 

[Bowerbird]

Can't sleep. Its 3AM. my life is meaningless without her. Nobody understands. If I cant see her again soon I would rather not be here at all. She is my soul mate as long as she is not around I will never be whole.

Also an annoying thing about being trans masc is belonging nowhere. Queer spaces think I have "male passing/man privileges" but in cishet spaces i am just a "confused biological woman". Nobody cares about trans mascs or representing us or our experience unless its "eww man pregnant lol" for shock value, or *shudders* "boys dont cry"

I am literally a man trapped in a womans body but there's nothing I can do about it the T isnt working I still get misgendered and dont pass even though I dress like adam sandler and have short hair and my voice is even deeper now. Nope still just a confused little girl. Except to my loved ones who probably don't love me anymore bc I am unrecognisable. I fucked up and ruined my life for a chance to get better and sacrificed all I had and in return for what? It feels hopeless.

Sometimes im scared im gonna go insane and crash out and boom, another "ooo scary autistic trans person is bad person and does bad stuff!!!" case for people to fear monger about and use to shit on the autistic/trans community even more.

 

[NyxCascade]

Pain.
I just got a daith and nostril piercing.
Now I thought I had a high tolerance but, holy fuck that hurt like a bitch (the daith).
I nearly fainted I cant lie, it was bleeding pretty bad but, it looks fucking amazing.
Im so so so happy with it.

 

[Dejected 55]

I get up each morning, use the bathroom, wander around the house for a bit, then eat something and watch TV. I watch more TV, wander around the house some more, eventually have a snack... some days I have a brief nap in the afternoon. Then I'll have dinner and watch more TV. Soon it is time for bed and the whole routine repeats.

Some days I have to get groceries. Some days I need to do laundry. At some point today I will run the dishwasher. But for the most part the routine is pretty consistent.

IF I won the lottery, I would no longer have the stress of financial burdens on my mind... but everything else about my daily routines would remain exactly the same. I might be able to buy more movies or subscribe to more services... but the routine wouldn't change. The misery and malaise wouldn't change.

That is my "life" until I find the courage to not be here anymore.

 

[darksouls]

still trapped in hell of pains, isolation and solitude