Method Ways i fantasize to kill myself vs Ways ive tried to kill myself vs ways i dare to kill myself

[jawdropped123]

First of all the thought of killing myself literslly makes me horny. I have no idea why but it feels like the most twisted and sickest desire.

Ways that i would fantasize to kill myself:

Cutting my neck while bleading out
Paying someone to shoot me in the head
Being ran over by a car
Getting raped and than shot
Suffocation
Not being able to breathe while giving a guy blowjob
Getting fucked so hard it just ruins my insides

Ways ive tried to kill myself
Letting a dangerous guy have sex with me 2x
Taking a bunch of promethazine
Taking other anti depressants (stupid)
Trying to hang myself 2x (they caught me)
Walking outside in the dark in nothing but a hoodie (nothing happened) exept that one time i went to the MH.
Laying down in a huge quiet park in the hopes that someone would just kill me (police sent me to the MH again...even tho there was a stabbing there nothing happened to me :(
Starvation

Ways i dare to kill myself
After seeing so many hanging videos where it takes like atleast 10 minutes for you to pass out i think im leaving hanging out this.

Getting SN (difficult because i dont live in USA OR EUROPE)
Taking fentanyl (again cant get that)
Shooting myself (i dont have a gun :(
Going in the dangerous isolated woods alone today.(now thats a good idea)

Anyone can give me any other ideas how i can KMS would be appreciated. Thank you

 

[shineboy2k15taliban]

i dont understand why people are complaining about how hard it is to find sodium nitrite. a quick search on amazon gave me plenty of results, and keep in mind im not even in the usa or eu; im in the uae, where drugs are known to be heavily regulated. i'm sure you can find some if you search on amazon for SN. as for your fantasies, its a common fetish which we call masochism. you'd be surprised to know how many people actually are masochists these fantasies are very common in people

 

[hopeless-believer]

I honestly think you're writing on here for sick attention rn, another sick list of fantasies and desires, dark and putrid, and your attempts too like it's a game.

Get help, get therapy. The things you speak of are no joke. Many people have the misfortune of being attacked and hurt in this manner. They have no say in this.

In the dangerous dark wood like the dangerous dark park.... Seriously grow up. Sort yourself out.

 

[ToANewWorld]

i dont understand why people are complaining about how hard it is to find sodium nitrite. a quick search on amazon gave me plenty of results, and keep in mind im not even in the usa or eu; im in the uae, where drugs are known to be heavily regulated.

I am going to ctb with a different method but your post made me curious regarding SN.

You seem to be right?

I get a bunch of results for SN on amazon and google. I thought this substance would be unbelievably illegal thus the need for dark net sourcing. Probably I am missing some context though

 

[shineboy2k15taliban]

I am going to ctb with a different method but your post made me curious regarding SN.

You seem to be right?

I get a bunch of results for SN on amazon and google. I thought this substance would be unbelievably illegal thus the need for dark net sourcing. Probably I am missing some context though

i really dont know much about SN cuz ive only heard about it 2 days ago, but yes i found it on amazon when i searched for it even tho i wasnt expecting it

also found an article talking about how people bought it from amazon to ctb so thats an indication that it truly works

 

[seizmic_purple]

i really dont know much about SN cuz ive only heard about it 2 days ago, but yes i found it on amazon when i searched for it even tho i wasnt expecting it

also found an article talking about how people bought it from amazon to ctb so thats an indication that it truly works

I don't think that you're looking at the SN that would actually do the job. This has to be of 95%-100% purity, and I can only see available those that have up to 2%.

 

[shineboy2k15taliban]

I don't think that you're looking at the SN that would actually do the job. This has to be of 95%-100% purity, and I can only see available those that have up to 2%.

you're right, after manually searching for it Prague Powder #1 has the most SN which is 6.25%, weird how on the website it doesnt display that information. sorry

if you're going on a trip to the darknet, you might as well go the extra mile and pay more for an actual drug that offers some euphoria in the process. the money doesn't matter, after all you're going to die. its better than having to use SN because theres so many things you have to do before it and you're more likely to fuck it up than if you were to just use another drugs and thats it

 

[Phhi49]

i really dont know much about SN cuz ive only heard about it 2 days ago, but yes i found it on amazon when i searched for it even tho i wasnt expecting it

also found an article talking about how people bought it from amazon to ctb so thats an indication that it truly works

I'd like to see that 95-99% SN on amazon or anywhere legit aswell.

 

[shineboy2k15taliban]

I'd like to see that 95-99% SN on amazon or anywhere legit aswell.

i wasn't aware of the concentration factor before seizmic brought it up, my fault

 

[jawdropped123]

I honestly think you're writing on here for sick attention rn, another sick list of fantasies and desires, dark and putrid, and your attempts too like it's a game.

Get help, get therapy. The things you speak of are no joke. Many people have the misfortune of being attacked and hurt in this manner. They have no say in this.

In the dangerous dark wood like the dangerous dark park.... Seriously grow up. Sort yourself out.

Bruh like i cant vent anymore? I just wanted to share tf. And whats the point of getting attention if no one knows who you really are??

i dont understand why people are complaining about how hard it is to find sodium nitrite. a quick search on amazon gave me plenty of results, and keep in mind im not even in the usa or eu; im in the uae, where drugs are known to be heavily regulated. i'm sure you can find some if you search on amazon for SN. as for your fantasies, its a common fetish which we call masochism. you'd be surprised to know how many people actually are masochists these fantasies are very common in people

Are these the ones your talking about? And are they really 95-100% nitride or like 6%?

 

[hopeless-believer]

Ways that i would fantasize to kill myself:

Cutting my neck while bleading out
Paying someone to shoot me in the head
Being ran over by a car
Getting raped and than shot
Suffocation
Not being able to breathe while giving a guy blowjob
Getting fucked so hard it just ruins my insides

I'll try to have compassion because I don't indeed know why or where these fantasies came from... There's probably trauma of your own you need to unpack.

It trips a nerve alot; from having first-hand experience of most of the ways you fantasise 'killing yourself'. These really are horrible situations, and I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

1. I've had firearms pointed at my head and forced to do horrible things from the age of 7.
2. I've been ran over by a car just because my parents wanted to play another 'sick' game.
3. Between the ages of 4-10 I was sexually assaulted 320 times, at least 240 of these were rape. Since then I've been assaulted, but the rapes stopped. But it was absolute torture.
4. I was strangled repeatedly unconscious and suffocated on and off over hours every evening for years, since I was 5.
5. By the time I was 6/7 yo I was forced to do this in the school office, and nothing makes me physically sicker.
6. Trust me it's not what you want.. it tore me up, and it took years to be able to sit down properly, and my lower spine is a wreck, and I still bleed to this day from the damage.

Vent yes, but please don't indulge too much in such things or put yourself in situations that could cause you more trauma.. ..and only serve to make things harder for you.

 

[shineboy2k15taliban]

Are these the ones your talking about? And are they really 95-100% nitride or like 6%?

yes, these are the top results on amazon from what i remember
as i said, the one with the highest concentration i know of is Prague Powder #1 with 6.25% sodium nitrite, so pro-cure is most likely even lower %.
the image on the RHS is sodium nitrate, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH SODIUM NITRITE. they are 2 completely different things. sodium nitrate is not something you would want to take.

 

[jawdropped123]

I'll try to have compassion because I don't indeed know why or where these fantasies came from... There's probably trauma of your own you need to unpack.

It trips a nerve alot; from having first-hand experience of most of the ways you fantasise 'killing yourself'. These really are horrible situations, and I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

1. I've had firearms pointed at my head and forced to do horrible things from the age of 7.
2. I've been ran over by a car just because my parents wanted to play another 'sick' game.
3. Between the ages of 4-10 I was sexually assaulted 320 times, at least 240 of these were rape. Since then I've been assaulted, but the rapes stopped. But it was absolute torture.
4. I was strangled repeatedly unconscious and suffocated on and off over hours every evening for years, since I was 5.
5. By the time I was 6/7 yo I was forced to do this in the school office, and nothing makes me physically sicker.
6. Trust me it's not what you want.. it tore me up, and it took years to be able to sit down properly, and my lower spine is a wreck, and I still bleed to this day from the damage.

Vent yes, but please don't indulge too much in such things or put yourself in situations that could cause you more trauma.. ..and only serve to make things harder for you.

Hi, im sorry all these things happened to you. I do have sexual trama and other abuse also happened to me. So its probably trauma that gives me these fantasies. I hope you hsve a great day

yes, these are the top results on amazon from what i remember
as i said, the one with the highest concentration i know of is Prague Powder #1 with 6.25% sodium nitrite, so pro-cure is most likely even lower %.
the image on the RHS is sodium nitrate, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH SODIUM NITRITE. they are 2 completely different things. sodium nitrate is not something you would want to take.

Omgg

 

[maneose]

glad to know i'm not the only one thinking of brutally terrible ways to die (especially the rape ones lmao) its kinda pretty normal to have fantasizes like that (excluding the suicidal portion of it, idk i haven't looked into that) especially for past trauma victims, but yeah nice to find someone to relate to :DD

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

First of all the thought of killing myself literslly makes me horny. I have no idea why but it feels like the most twisted and sickest desire.

Ways that i would fantasize to kill myself:

Cutting my neck while bleading out
Paying someone to shoot me in the head
Being ran over by a car
Getting raped and than shot
Suffocation
Not being able to breathe while giving a guy blowjob
Getting fucked so hard it just ruins my insides

Ways ive tried to kill myself
Letting a dangerous guy have sex with me 2x
Taking a bunch of promethazine
Taking other anti depressants (stupid)
Trying to hang myself 2x (they caught me)
Walking outside in the dark in nothing but a hoodie (nothing happened) exept that one time i went to the MH.
Laying down in a huge quiet park in the hopes that someone would just kill me (police sent me to the MH again...even tho there was a stabbing there nothing happened to me :(
Starvation

Ways i dare to kill myself
After seeing so many hanging videos where it takes like atleast 10 minutes for you to pass out i think im leaving hanging out this.

Getting SN (difficult because i dont live in USA OR EUROPE)
Taking fentanyl (again cant get that)
Shooting myself (i dont have a gun :(
Going in the dangerous isolated woods alone today.(now thats a good idea)

Anyone can give me any other ideas how i can KMS would be appreciated. Thank you

Your fetish reminds me a lot of mine, I guess it is called autassassinophilia.

The pro life argument: You can only have this horny fantasies and experiences when you are alive.

The pro death argument: You pass out within 5 to 15 seconds when you hang yourself. I know this from my own experience as I was hanged a number of times non lethally.

 

[jawdropped123]

Your fetish reminds me a lot of mine, I guess it is called autassassinophilia.

The pro life argument: You can only have this horny fantasies and experiences when you are alive.

The pro death argument: You pass out within 5 to 15 seconds when you hang yourself. I know this from my own experience as I was hanged a number of times non lethally.

If you do it right, you do pass out fast but most people dont do it wrong. Coming from someone who watch alot of suicide videos. I saw some people hang themself and struggling for more than 10 min. Highly dont recommend

 

[adedofn]

Hey ! I should be autassassinophiliaque too so ^^
I've always get the fetish to hang myself to death ... Really hard to admit but i dream about it and i play often

 

[adedofn]

Hey jawdropped123, i would like to send you a private message but i don't know how to do here, i'm kinda new !

 

[jawdropped123]

H

Hey jawdropped123, i would like to send you a private message but i don't know how to do here, i'm kinda new !

Hey! You need to enable it in your profile. Cause i cant send you messages

 

[adedofn]

H

Hey! You need to enable it in your profile. Cause i cant send you messages

Done i think

 

[anonymous1234554321]

Hello, I will say only one thing - going to dangerous places with hope to get killed is a terrible idea in my opinion.



I knew one man (I am almost sure he wasn't trying to CTB, he just did a very reckless thing), in 2011 he was 23, once in April 2011 at night he decided to walk from one of his flats to another one, and five dr*nk idiots decided to rob someone, met him (by accident) and beated him, broke his phone and jumped on his head for relatively long time. A policeman went nearby and saw that, he arrested the robbers and called the ambulance for the man who was beaten. The man survived but remained in the state of "minimal consciousness" for almost 13 years before his death in 2024. I hate this usage of this word, but people use the word "vegetable" in exactly same situations unfortunately.


Please never use this "method", it's terrible for CTB.