Wlfgrl
Member
- Sep 29, 2022
- 16
Yo, I'm back after being gone for so long. Like to visit every now and then when I really feel fucked. Right now, it's just a lot of depression and angst. I know things will probably get better, but recently have been fantasizing about ending it all and leaving on a sour note. For so many years it just feels like I've wasted time and effort all to just be stuck and with little to no motivation and nothing to show for it. I guess the anger and thoughts about ending it have just been really ignited by constant reminders that I have these responsibilities to take care of my family and find something to work towards. There are things I'd like to try and accomplish, but it feels like each time I just give up and go back home to lie in bed or spend all day on the computer or my phone. Even more frustrated that I know I'll try to take care of my responsibilities anyway and not go out and live my own life. I'm sure it'll all work out, but just spending more time and time fantasizing about ctb as a fuck you.
Also, this is a very bizarre and weird topic, but since I was a teenager I've seen some gore videos, not a lot, but some videos of people offing themselves. I don't view them as much anymore as I don't get much from them apart from cringing at the gore. I was wondering if anybody else on here ever obsessed over media regarding real suicide and death. Growing up I watched a lot of coverage on videos like Budd Dwyer, Ronnie McNutt and that one dude in Russia who tried to blow his brains out with a shotgun, but somehow survived. I had a curiosity as to what their reasons were for doing so and surprised to see actual footage of them ending or trying to end their lives. I never really went out hunting for self harm videos, but the internet will just push stuff like this out at us sometimes. I remember once on twitter being recommended to follow an account that focused on self harm and was giving people tips about cutting. I'm sure a good number of us have had similar experiences, right? Or am I just fucked lmao
Also, this is a very bizarre and weird topic, but since I was a teenager I've seen some gore videos, not a lot, but some videos of people offing themselves. I don't view them as much anymore as I don't get much from them apart from cringing at the gore. I was wondering if anybody else on here ever obsessed over media regarding real suicide and death. Growing up I watched a lot of coverage on videos like Budd Dwyer, Ronnie McNutt and that one dude in Russia who tried to blow his brains out with a shotgun, but somehow survived. I had a curiosity as to what their reasons were for doing so and surprised to see actual footage of them ending or trying to end their lives. I never really went out hunting for self harm videos, but the internet will just push stuff like this out at us sometimes. I remember once on twitter being recommended to follow an account that focused on self harm and was giving people tips about cutting. I'm sure a good number of us have had similar experiences, right? Or am I just fucked lmao
