suistore
Member
- Apr 17, 2026
- 8
I was going to CTB yesterday, but unfortunately I have to wait another two weeks.
Anyway. The deadline for choosing a college is in 2 days, and I was telling my family I was going to do online community college, but now they are making me choose a school to go away to. All of the schools I have been accepted to are $20k+ out of pocket for me because I had to use my dad's income on my application, even though he is giving me no money for college.
The reason I even worry about this is the fact that I'm a pussy and feel like I won't end up being able to actually follow through with sui. I want to do it more than anything, but I'm too scared to just get it over with. If I am not able to do it, I'll be stuck with so much debt just to go to school not even knowing what I want to go for.
I plan to seriously attempt to CTB in 2 weeks, but this financial situation is going to cause so much stress for me leading up to my attempt.
I wish I could just go live in the woods somewhere, so I could be alone and die naturally like the coward I am. I wish I didn't have to deal with so much annoying bullshit before I go. I wish the entire universe would implode. School sucks. Money sucks. Family sucks. Fuck everything. I'm so eager to escape this sick joke of a life. I wish I was brave enough to do it already.
I found DSL, and was considering purchasing SN, but I highly doubt I'd be able to get AEs or benzos. I don't wanna do it without an AE, I hate vomiting, and with my luck I'd throw it all up and have nothing left to try again with. I don't know.
Why is it so hard to die? I just want to die..
Anyway. The deadline for choosing a college is in 2 days, and I was telling my family I was going to do online community college, but now they are making me choose a school to go away to. All of the schools I have been accepted to are $20k+ out of pocket for me because I had to use my dad's income on my application, even though he is giving me no money for college.
The reason I even worry about this is the fact that I'm a pussy and feel like I won't end up being able to actually follow through with sui. I want to do it more than anything, but I'm too scared to just get it over with. If I am not able to do it, I'll be stuck with so much debt just to go to school not even knowing what I want to go for.
I plan to seriously attempt to CTB in 2 weeks, but this financial situation is going to cause so much stress for me leading up to my attempt.
I wish I could just go live in the woods somewhere, so I could be alone and die naturally like the coward I am. I wish I didn't have to deal with so much annoying bullshit before I go. I wish the entire universe would implode. School sucks. Money sucks. Family sucks. Fuck everything. I'm so eager to escape this sick joke of a life. I wish I was brave enough to do it already.
I found DSL, and was considering purchasing SN, but I highly doubt I'd be able to get AEs or benzos. I don't wanna do it without an AE, I hate vomiting, and with my luck I'd throw it all up and have nothing left to try again with. I don't know.
Why is it so hard to die? I just want to die..
