Triggered

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I've never posted a thread here before, but I felt compelled today.

I think I've gotten used to the idea that I want to kill myself. I don't even cry about my life anymore. I'm kind of numb to it. What's weird, though, is that I've kind of been... okay?... for the last little while. It's like I've been sitting at a baseline feeling. "I want to die. I'm resigned to that. But I need to carry on until that time."

It's been more than a month since my last attempt, which really was the last time I felt like I dropped below that baseline. About an hour ago, though, I listened to a voice message that I wasn't supposed to hear. It reminded me of all the reasons I want off this planet — all the reasons I want to leave this world and to eventually be forgotten about. My name is mud to almost everyone I care about. My future has been taken away from me.

I probably would still be at baseline if my curious little mind didn't go snooping to find that message. Now my whole mood is ruined. I can't share that with my husband or my mother. You're really the only people I feel I can share that with.

It all makes me want to try again. Maybe third time's the charm.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Okay, so you snooped and heard something negative about yourself. Was it false? It sounds like from the post that it was.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Okay, so you snooped and heard something negative about yourself. Was it false? It sounds like from the post that it was.

It's not really as simple as that, but if you were to boil it down, I guess you could say that. It just made me feel less than human. It reminded me that the world doesn't want me here.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It's not really as simple as that, but if you were to boil it down, I guess you could say that. It just made me feel less than human. It reminded me that the world doesn't want me here.

I'm part of the world.

I've noticed your posts and enjoy them. I'd rather you be here than not.

But I empathize that you felt less than human and that the world doesn't want you here. That kind of stuff feels like shit.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm part of the world.

I've noticed your posts and enjoy them. I'd rather you be here than not.

That's so sweet of you to say. Thank you so much. You might have made my day.