Trapped because of family

[Aboutblue]

I know this is probably a common topic but hopefully it's OK to post anyway. I got to thinking today about what I would do if I didn't have a family who loved me.

The main problem is my mom. She's not very emotionally stable. She already lost her parents, a brother and her sister. She doesn't have any friends and doesn't really speak to family because of a rift in our family. All she has is me, my sister who doesn't talk to her much, and my dad who used to be abusive but thankfully has gotten much better. She doesn't leave the house much. She can't drive anymore. She can't walk far because of arthritis. All she really does is read and watch TV and go to movies with my dad and I. All she really had in her adult life was being a mother.

I don't think she would ever get over my death. I think she would grieve every day until she died. I don't want to put her through that. But I feel like shit and don't see anything getting better. I'm tired.

I have to pick my suffering or my family's and it really sucks. I don't know if I could really CTB if they didn't exist but surely it would be a lot easier.

Can anyone else relate?

 

[CassieHoward]

i can relate very much - how i choose to see it is it's time to finally put myself first for once as opposed to the opposite.

 

[theboy]

My family stops me too

 

[Siclop]

your mother seems a nice person thats endure life for you and your dad, in my opinion u should try find some help, alaways can recovery alot of people got
sucess here, feel free to pm if wanna talk maybe

 

[September Salt]

I refused to CTB while my mom was alive because I knew it would devastate her. I know it's tough but hopefully you can hang in there at least until she passes or she develops dementia, and then you can decide what to do.

 

[Poor Stargazer]

I totally relate. I have no family or friends but I do have a wonderful cat that I could never leave on this planet without me. I feel trapped

 

[Un-]

Yeah. My mother's.. My mother lost her father when she was a child, and.. Being the last born in a family of 5, she was overlooked. Had to struggle.. She paid fully for her tertiary education. She had to work to support her family members because they all weren't doing good. To this day, her family still mooches off her.. The other day, her sister took my mother's iPhone and gave it to her six year old son - because, for some reason.. Sigh.. My mother lost her mother a couple of years ago, her brother to lung cancer some time ago, and her brother last month. She's divorced.. And her my father is a manipulative, emotionally abusive asshole who hurts her to this day.

So yeah, it's horrible thinking what.. She'd go insane, I think, if I died. I try to take comfort in the fact that she's religious.. So she can take comfort in God. If not that, I'd leave a suicide note. But I don't want to continue living.. She's in her fifties, so she still has a long way to go. Shitty situations.. Shitty situations..