Too much of a loser to ctb

[spellbound]

I hate this life I hate living I really wanna die. Give me a gun and I'll shoot wouldnt even think twice about it. I'm definitely not scared of dyin. But I'm just such a lazy bum, I just can't get myself to put in all the effort needed. Can't do it to ctb, can't do it for anything else. Always been a lazy loser. When I was 13 I never could've guessed I'd make it to adulthood. Now I'm here not cause it got better, I just didn't do it. And I'm just so scared that I'll keep on living cause of that. I'm just so so scared. Is this what life is ? Being too much of a loser to ctb until you die of old age ?
Life's so hard, why can't death be easier ?

 

[bl33ding_heart]

A guaranteed death by suicide is not something easy for most to achieve. It's completely understandable that you lack motivation to find a guaranteed method. Being severely depressed or having some other form of mental illness can really mess with your ability to get things done. You're not a loser at all.
Just try to be kind to yourself and do things you enjoy for the time being. Focus on feeling positive emotions and easing your pain. It's far better than waiting around for the motivation while suffering, and you don't deserve to suffer. Much love, and whether you decide to ctb or not I hope you find peace.

 

[spellbound]

A guaranteed death by suicide is not something easy for most to achieve. It's completely understandable that you lack motivation to find a guaranteed method. Being severely depressed or having some other form of mental illness can really mess with your ability to get things done. You're not a loser at all.
Just try to be kind to yourself and do things you enjoy for the time being. Focus on feeling positive emotions and easing your pain. It's far better than waiting around for the motivation while suffering, and you don't deserve to suffer. Much love, and whether you decide to ctb or not I hope you find peace.

Thank you so much for your kindness
I think I have a lot of motivation actually, I've just never been able to turn motivation into anything productive, in life and in death
It's just so ironic that depression is keeping me alive
It'd be funny if it was so sad

 

[peacebenow]

it takes a lot of work work to do this efficiently. Try not to be hard on yourself for something that is really fcking hard to do. be as kind to yourself as you can.