The universe will always find a way to evoke my emotions only so it can step on them in the worse way possible. I think I suffering from a condition where I'm extremely sensitive. I start loving quickly and authenticly and when I lose I suffer. This universe gave me too fragile of a nervous system, in a world where I have nothing to lean on. I got too many needs, but never the things I needed. Life is one continuous suffering and it seems that what I thought was happiness is just temporary feeling of relief, an illusion of being above the line, but it was always below it, it's just the nature of life.
I'm not sure if I will eventually find the courage to kill myself. I do want to die, but being actively suicidal is too painful to maintain. I don't have it in me to go through anymore. I know that if there were truely painless methods accessible to me, I wouldn't be here anymore. But I don't know if I want to die. I just want my suffering to end and if phisical death is a necessary part of it, I accept it.
I'm not sure if I will eventually find the courage to kill myself. I do want to die, but being actively suicidal is too painful to maintain. I don't have it in me to go through anymore. I know that if there were truely painless methods accessible to me, I wouldn't be here anymore. But I don't know if I want to die. I just want my suffering to end and if phisical death is a necessary part of it, I accept it.
