This is the only place where people understand

[Tintypographer]

Everywhere else people want to help. I do not want help. I want go never have existed. I want to disappear and stop having people needing things from me or relying on me. I want to simply never have existed period. I feel like im both a failyre and at the same time everyine wants somethi ng from me. I just want to die and be forgotten.

 

[Hirokami]

I've had similar experiences. I've been used by others and have made very few genuine connections with people. I don't trust others because of that. As for the "pro-life" places, they really think they're onto something with their false platitudes. Sometimes, I just want to vent about my suicidal thoughts without being silenced, shame, or fake shit. Without someone trying to cheer me up. I just want to feel without someone trying to virtue signal.

 

[iwanttodie000]

I completely agree. This community is amazing, it's exactly what I needed and am thankful someone recommended it to me. I also feel your thoughts, I don't want help. My only help is to ctb.

 

[booray]

I'm surrounded by people who don't understand why I will never be able to recover from the treatment resistant depression and anxiety that plague me day in and day out. It's complicated - I've covered this in other posts - but there is no magic cure that will give me a life worth living, at least not from my point of view. My people seem to think that just being alive is good enough in and of itself. Well, that will never be good enough for me, and I'll never have the life I once had. It's over, and so am I.

 

[ashedout]

Sometimes people don't want to be saved and that is hard to accept. I also think people have this idea in their head of what a suicidal person looks like and a one stop shop solution on how to fix their problems and we all know that just isn't right.

 

[Trisolaris]

Amen to that.

 

[summers]

I want to simply never have existed period.

I think the same thing sometimes, like the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." Also like the movie, I would love to see what the people I know would be doing if I had never been born.

 

[Ihavenofriends]

Sometimes people don't want to be saved and that is hard to accept. I also think people have this idea in their head of what a suicidal person looks like and a one stop shop solution on how to fix their problems and we all know that just isn't right.

Yeah. I've never really wanted to be saved (because I'm a bad person and I know the world would be a better place if I was dead). I've also not really ever fit that idea of what a suicidal person looks like: I'm not hopeless or sad all of the time, and I do believe things could get better in my life if I tried, but I still am choosing to ctb. There's also another argument I hate, which is that I only think I'm a bad person because I'm depressed, when in reality I think I'm a bad person because I'm a bad person. I knew I was a bad person before I was depressed, I know that I'm seeing things clearly.

 

[AE2021]

I agree. This site made a big difference for me. It lifted some of the isolation I felt and gave a safe place to talk about the forbidden subject of suicide. It is reassuring that when the time comes to CTB there will be others wishing me peace and offering understanding. Forums like this should be supported instead of condemned.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

Everywhere else people want to help. I do not want help. I want go never have existed. I want to disappear and stop having people needing things from me or relying on me. I want to simply never have existed period. I feel like im both a failyre and at the same time everyine wants somethi ng from me. I just want to die and be forgotten.

I feel this in my bones.

 

[iwanttodie000]

I'm surrounded by people who don't understand why I will never be able to recover from the treatment resistant depression and anxiety that plague me day in and day out. It's complicated - I've covered this in other posts - but there is no magic cure that will give me a life worth living, at least not from my point of view. My people seem to think that just being alive is good enough in and of itself. Well, that will never be good enough for me, and I'll never have the life I once had. It's over, and so am I.

You just took a paragraph out of my mind my friend. All of this.