vilevial
New Member
- Apr 10, 2026
- 1
I was 8 when my mother left me. She always used me as her therapist. I used to make up stories for her to calm her down, to make her existence a bit less painful. Then i got to watch as she cheated, lied and escape nigh after night to party. I wasn't one to recieve a normal family. My father was and still is a nobody, an alcoholic, a total and complete failure who basks in learned incompetence. Observed as he abused my grandmother (his own mother) till she craved death. Never heard a family story once in my life. I don't know anything about any of my family members. They only showed me how greedy they are. Grandma' had her legs amputated. One when i was 9, and the other when i was 12. She died when i was 16. I didn't even feel a thing. I always listened how she wanted to die, that she can't pay for her medicine and gets used by my family all the time (by my godparents mostly).
My godparents wanted to raise me as their obedient slave. My godfather tried to beat me up for not buying him cigarettes when i was 20. I almost beat him to death and my own father still lets him into the house. I'm 25. I never had a relationship though i always thought that i'll eventually meet someone who i can resonate with. I left my friends along the way. Some say i turned inwards, some say i'm a jerk. I don't care. I cannot care anymore. I watched through my childhood how everyone got what they wanted, watched nepotism in real time unfold, watched as liars and cheaters get their way, saw as everyone got friends and love. When my grandma died, nobody at school even knew about it, i had no one to talk to there anyway. One of my classmates lost his father. Everyone was all over it, collecting a "generousity fund" for him while at the same time i didn't even recieve a single mandatory fake "my condolences". I'm over it. I thought about suicide when i was 11, learned death when i was 7.
People are selfish. I tried to be selfless. I tried to go against the natural order and i'm fucking tired. I'm currently in uni, applied for liberal-arts out of boredom after i worked for 7 years. I can't concentrate on my studies, and thinking about leaving it alltogheter. I don't have the money to finance the whole thing anyways. I have a bit of savings left and now it's a ticking clock. Brainfog 24/7. I don't enjoy anything anymore. Wake up, sit in my room staring at my screen. I can't care for other people. I can't even hold up a conversation.
I always knew how my surroindings are gonna slim down the chanches i got in life, always tried to figure out what motives others had while i had none.
I'm planning on ending it all.
Fuck this.
My godparents wanted to raise me as their obedient slave. My godfather tried to beat me up for not buying him cigarettes when i was 20. I almost beat him to death and my own father still lets him into the house. I'm 25. I never had a relationship though i always thought that i'll eventually meet someone who i can resonate with. I left my friends along the way. Some say i turned inwards, some say i'm a jerk. I don't care. I cannot care anymore. I watched through my childhood how everyone got what they wanted, watched nepotism in real time unfold, watched as liars and cheaters get their way, saw as everyone got friends and love. When my grandma died, nobody at school even knew about it, i had no one to talk to there anyway. One of my classmates lost his father. Everyone was all over it, collecting a "generousity fund" for him while at the same time i didn't even recieve a single mandatory fake "my condolences". I'm over it. I thought about suicide when i was 11, learned death when i was 7.
People are selfish. I tried to be selfless. I tried to go against the natural order and i'm fucking tired. I'm currently in uni, applied for liberal-arts out of boredom after i worked for 7 years. I can't concentrate on my studies, and thinking about leaving it alltogheter. I don't have the money to finance the whole thing anyways. I have a bit of savings left and now it's a ticking clock. Brainfog 24/7. I don't enjoy anything anymore. Wake up, sit in my room staring at my screen. I can't care for other people. I can't even hold up a conversation.
I always knew how my surroindings are gonna slim down the chanches i got in life, always tried to figure out what motives others had while i had none.
I'm planning on ending it all.
Fuck this.
