Thinking of going through with CTB tomorrow

[mightypabster]

My future increasingly seems like it will be too much to handle emotionally. Life has been difficult for quite some time.

SI may kick in so I'm not sure yet, but I'm considering taking my SN tomorrow. I only wish I had benzos to go with the medications.

 

[don'tletmedown]

My future increasingly seems like it will be too much to handle emotionally. Life has been difficult for quite some time.

SI may kick in so I'm not sure yet, but I'm considering taking my SN tomorrow. I only wish I had benzos to go with the medications.

I am brand new here.... just saw your post. Is there any hope?

 

[mightypabster]

I am brand new here.... just saw your post. Is there any hope?

Thanks for responding, welcome to the forum

I guess there is in the sense that I'm young, intelligent, know how to talk to people I'm interested in etc.

However, since I have borderline, my mental disorder incapacitates me to be well-grounded to have healthy relationships, be reliable as a friend, employee, boyfriend, you name it - things worth living for.

 

[don'tletmedown]

Thanks for responding, welcome to the forum

I guess there is in the sense that I'm young, intelligent, know how to talk to people I'm interested in etc.

However, since I have borderline, my mental disorder incapacitates me to be well-grounded to have healthy relationships, be reliable as a friend, employee, boyfriend, you name it - things worth living for.

"young", "intelligent", "know how to talk to people"....those are attributes! It sounds like you have a grasp on some disabilities - are they improvable, if not fixable?

"young", "intelligent", "know how to talk to people"....those are attributes! It sounds like you have a grasp on some disabilities - are they improvable, if not fixable?

let me know what you decide..... I hope to hear back!

 

[mightypabster]

"young", "intelligent", "know how to talk to people"....those are attributes! It sounds like you have a grasp on some disabilities - are they improvable, if not fixable?

It's a good question. I may be wrong, but I believe skills which are dependent on mood stability are beyond my reach - skills like following routine, punctuality, developing healthy relationships.

To paint the picture, it has happened before to have been fired for consistently arriving late despite being told I was the best employee, to have lost research scholarship due to being bed-ridden, to have been broken up with by someone who couldn't handle my mood swings despite loving me dearly and wanting to grow a life with me, to have lost many friendships due to people not understanding a mood-disordered person and their complex behavior.

I appreciate someone asking, thanks for that.

 

[koweday]

I hear you and I understand where you are coming from. I am a person that seemingly "has it all" but constantly feel like I am drowning. I have felt alone for as long as I can remember; even surrounded by people who consider me a friend. I feel no one understands me and I am deeply unhappy despite having a good job and traveling a lot. Outwardly I seem successful, inwardly I feel like a failure.

 

[Someone123]

My future increasingly seems like it will be too much to handle emotionally. Life has been difficult for quite some time.

SI may kick in so I'm not sure yet, but I'm considering taking my SN tomorrow. I only wish I had benzos to go with the medications.

I agree that benzos make this method easier, it seems like this may contribute to passing out significantly faster, but they are the toughest of the meds to get- you have to see a doctor in person and convince them that you need them, which is not easy. I think I will also be using sn without benzos in a few week, but we'll see.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

My future increasingly seems like it will be too much to handle emotionally. Life has been difficult for quite some time.

SI may kick in so I'm not sure yet, but I'm considering taking my SN tomorrow. I only wish I had benzos to go with the medications.

There's no pressure to decide. There's always tomorrow if you want to wait, but we'll be here supporting you no matter what regardless of your decision. Part of a peaceful exit is knowing we're ready and that it's the best decision we could make for ourselves. Ideally, we shouldn't have to feel frightened or distressed and it shouldn't be painful.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Crazy4u]

If you are not 100% sure, please wait. Tty to rest for sometime. I hope life gets easier ❤

 

[don'tletmedown]

There's no pressure to decide. There's always tomorrow if you want to wait, but we'll be here supporting you no matter what regardless of your decision. Part of a peaceful exit is knowing we're ready and that it's the best decision we could make for ourselves. Ideally, we shouldn't have to feel frightened or distressed and it shouldn't be painful.

"young", "intelligent", "know how to talk to people"....those are attributes! It sounds like you have a grasp on some disabilities - are they improvable, if not fixable?

let me know what you decide..... I hope to hear back!

just checking on you..... are you here?
just checking on you....

 

[cambrai33]

My future increasingly seems like it will be too much to handle emotionally. Life has been difficult for quite some time.

SI may kick in so I'm not sure yet, but I'm considering taking my SN tomorrow. I only wish I had benzos to go with the medications.

We only know the past not the future but I totally get why it can seem hopeless. Have you asked for help, I know depending where you are it can be pretty grim but it might be worth a try.

I respect you have a right of choice but I do really hope you have exhausted all other options first

Keep talking here and be kind to yourself

 

[mightypabster]

Hey everyone, still here. Thank you so much for reaching out.

I ended up not attempting yet, but still feel like it. I'm not sure I have the courage to pull through before the holidays.

Know the support here is really appreciated

 

[Sittichmutter]

Hey everyone, still here. Thank you so much for reaching out.

I ended up not attempting yet, but still feel like it. I'm not sure I have the courage to pull through before the holidays.

Know the support here is really appreciated

Hi,
I Hope you are feeling better.
You know, Borderline is a dificult disorder. But lots of psycanalysis and good readings about your disease and How to Control It, may help you. With time, you should be able to sense triggers to avoid them. And today, more people are aware of mental health. The Future should improve with this awareness.