I understand, it'd bring me so much peace to be able to cease existing painlessly and never suffer ever again, I find it so painful to be trapped in this existence just waiting to cease existing anyway without the option to be able to free myself from all future unnecessary suffering, all I wish for is an eternal dreamless sleep where this torturous, cruel existence is finally all forgotten about. I'll always see so much cruelty in how I cannot just have the option to peacefully cease existing with no risks of ending up in way worse agony with suffering seen as to force and prolong no matter what instead, nothing no matter what would make me wish to exist, I just want peace instead of suffering in this existence that always felt like a mistake to me.