Venting The longer I stay the more of a miserable asshole I become

[ikadasui]

I used to pride myself on being a decent human being, but living day after day in misery has just turned me completely bitter. I feel like most of my "good deeds" nowadays aren't out of kindness but just so I can tell myself I'm a nice guy. The human consciousness was truly a fucking mistake

 

[ClaudeKersey]

Humans aren't kind by nature.

 

[Al Cappella]

Most ppl that are in considerable pain find it difficult to remain cheery and pleasant…

 

[Area Man]

Yeah this ship has sailed I think. I try to be nice to friends and consider them nice back but I honestly has shut out the rest of the world. I try not to be a malicious person but am definitely a miserable one. It's tough. The more stressed I am, the more impulsive.

 

[WadeingThru]

I think in general everyone gets bitter and intolerant as they grow older. I'm thinking of all the older gentlemen I know in their late 60s and older. They all seem old and crusty.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am sorry that you are living such an awful life, this life is certainly so depressing and I know it can be dreadful living a life which is very miserable. I agree that consciousness was a mistake, I believe that existence is completely unnecessary, life is just meaningless suffering for the sake of it. I wish you the best.

 

[whatevs]

I wrestle with this notion too. I don't know if chronic suffering has made me more or less empathetic towards other's people misery. On one hand I can identify with it sometimes, and thus I will try to help, but other times I'm consumed by my pain and there is no space to consider what other people go through.

 

[tieiwi]

same, now i just look at who I've become like damn things have changed so much..

 

[CommitSudoku]

I can relate, for a while I had this ideal person I wanted to be and worked hard to be it as well. All being a people pleaser did was leave me feeling more empty when everyone left, or worse when I had to leave anyone. I don't think I'm redeemable at the state I've become. Often I can't tell if I'm being genuine, I think I am, but then there's this uncertainty.
It's so very tiring to try to be something when everything seems to work against you.

"maybe if i try a little harder, it will be okay, one day, keep on eating more and more, divide my life away - into servings"

 

[solisoccasus]

I can relate, for a while I had this ideal person I wanted to be and worked hard to be it as well. All being a people pleaser did was leave me feeling more empty when everyone left, or worse when I had to leave anyone. I don't think I'm redeemable at the state I've become. Often I can't tell if I'm being genuine, I think I am, but then there's this uncertainty.
It's so very tiring to try to be something when everything seems to work against you.

"maybe if i try a little harder, it will be okay, one day, keep on eating more and more, divide my life away - into servings"

Maybe that's just it, no matter how we try it will never be good enough. Though we might be in different situations but i think the pain is just to much for us to handle so we keeo it bottled up coz there's no one that's willing to help and i guess in this state, we're unreedeemable.

 

[Hurt]

I can relate to this. I decided to stay and I only saw how my life got worse. No possitive changes.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Maybe that's just it, no matter how we try it will never be good enough. Though we might be in different situations but i think the pain is just to much for us to handle so we keeo it bottled up coz there's no one that's willing to help and i guess in this state, we're unreedeemable.

What's your situation like? Though perhaps off topic to ask here but I'm curious. I don't know about you but when I have expressed pain, it does chase people away, or they can't/don't want to handle it. Or just don't have the time. I can understand when I can't deal with my own pain, outside of here I don't know how much value it will bring to mention. It seems it would just isolate me, or lead me to being toxic.

Which can of course lead to more faking, which is oh so tiring. I really do think it will never be enough as you said. Even just to ourselves, we'll never be good enough so even if we get others to recognize us we'll still fall to the usual since we ourselves cannot accept what efforts we have done. Quite honestly, I have no idea how to live this life, and I truly feel I get worse every day whether or not most people see it.

 

[TooConscious]

Me too. I had my usually two monthly phonecall with an old friend and ran the usual speech of how I'm sorry I've not been in touch but I'm not going to put my bad energy on him. I recognise the routine now for several years I visit or arrange a meet say I will make more of an effort to keep in touch.
But just keep losing something, I wanted to believe I may be gaining but for every wise thought of truth have I seem to be losing two.

 

[solisoccasus]

What's your situation like? Though perhaps off topic to ask here but I'm curious. I don't know about you but when I have expressed pain, it does chase people away, or they can't/don't want to handle it. Or just don't have the time. I can understand when I can't deal with my own pain, outside of here I don't know how much value it will bring to mention. It seems it would just isolate me, or lead me to being toxic.

Which can of course lead to more faking, which is oh so tiring. I really do think it will never be enough as you said. Even just to ourselves, we'll never be good enough so even if we get others to recognize us we'll still fall to the usual since we ourselves cannot accept what efforts we have done. Quite honestly, I have no idea how to live this life, and I truly feel I get worse every day whether or not most people see it.

You pretty much summed it all up. I guess some of us are the same then.

 

[Seafoam]

I feel you man, I'm ashamed of how distant and gloomy I am. I try my hardest to fight it but it's just not enough. I feel so uncomfortable around other people.

 

[Weebster]

The 48 Laws of Power (a book I read once) is now coming out through my behavior. Hurt people hurt others.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I am completely certain that staying here will leave me in a serious depressive episode or breakdown along the line. I just cannot handle how almost everyone in public is working a job they don't like and don't want to be there. Most people talk out of obligation to others.

It truely bothers me how much of a performance everything is. Even the role in a family and with friends.

 

[Mixo]

I'm becoming colder and colder inside as time goes on. It is very hard to maintain good will when you're miserable literally all the time.

 

[Weebster]

I am completely certain that staying here will leave me in a serious depressive episode or breakdown along the line. I just cannot handle how almost everyone in public is working a job they don't like and don't want to be there. Most people talk out of obligation to others.

It truely bothers me how much of a performance everything is. Even the role in a family and with friends.

How many people do you think would immediately opt out if it was as easy as pushing a button?

I'm becoming colder and colder inside as time goes on. It is very hard to maintain good will when you're miserable literally all the time.

The upcoming nuke war courtesy of Russia is a blessing. This miserable feeling is evident in most people nowadays. Our cells cry out for annihilation.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

How many people do you think would immediately opt out if it was as easy as pushing a button?

There would be a massive chain reaction caused by grief. For a true experiment with independent trials, it'd have to be that everyone got teleported to a room for 10 minutes to decide if they want to press it (so they do not know if their family had pressed it or not).

If everyone got a button and everyone knew about it, I think hundreds of millions, if not billions.
In the room scenario, a lot less as they'd be wanting to see their family and friends.

 

[ikadasui]

I am completely certain that staying here will leave me in a serious depressive episode or breakdown along the line. I just cannot handle how almost everyone in public is working a job they don't like and don't want to be there. Most people talk out of obligation to others.

It truely bothers me how much of a performance everything is. Even the role in a family and with friend

it's really nightmarish actually. Just going into any establishment and knowing not a single soul is enjoying their time there, and yet they'll do the fake laugh, make awkward small talk etc all for a paycheck that's just going to be robbed from them by bills anyway. Like, some peoples jobs are so irrelevant and they exist for the purpose to make other peoples life more difficult like the business I work for! These souless guys do nothing but hike up property taxes and then act so surprised when people call in by droves protesting how much they have to pay when none of their shit changed at all or got worse, it's just that some neighbor moved so now they are paying more lmao