prelapsarian
misplaced
- Jan 18, 2026
- 4
Firstly, I'd like to apologize in advance for how miserable this is gonna be to read in a formatting sense. I'm typing on a phone and don't feel like fiddling with all the fancy buttons for spoilers and tabs and whatnot. This is going to be very long and very not-stylish to read. Secondly, in the event someone spying for "dirt" on the forum reads this (what can I say, I'm paranoid), this site is not a factor in my suicidality. I have wanted to die for years, I found this place after my mind was already thoroughly made up. I'm simply here to talk with people who'll understand my choice like grownups instead of spamming a hotline number at me and calling it their good deed of the day. You're not gonna find anything juicy for your shitty youtube video here, go away.
Um. Hello. I'm a 20something non-binary person living in the midwest US. My life isn't all that terrible, objectively. I'm a loser NEET stuck living with their family in a run-down environment I'd rather not be living in, but like. I'm safe and fed and whatnot. We're lower-class but on the tier list of living conditions I'd put myself at a steady B.
Anyhoo, I have decided to kill myself sometime in the near-medium term future. I don't have a specific date or anything picked out, but I've made my peace and written my "here's what to do with the body and the friends i'd like alerted of my passing" notes. I see the writing on the wall. The time and place I was born in doomed me from the start. The world is fucked, the political situation keeps gettimg worse and worse (I won't be elaborating on that since a political rant isn't the point of this, but you can probably figure out what I'm alluding to given the information about myself above), and I overall feel hopeless about my prospects of ever finding peace in the predicament I've been born into.
I am already old. Yes, physically I'm in the prime of my life, but on the inside I feel incredibly old. I'm a relic for a different time. Had I been born a bit earlier and gotten to live a fuller life before the societal declines of the 2020s, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now. I feel painfully nostalgic for the "old world" I only got to briefly experience, as a drooling kid too dumb to appreciate what they were living through.
I can't live out the rest of a natural lifespan under this. I've always been a big-picture thinker (i know, i know, self-flattering cringe) more worried about the world than my own individual life. Climate change is getting worse, authoritarianism and hate are rising all across the globe, every chart of human living conditions show they peaked around the 2010s and everything past that point has been a downward slope. Even if I managed to carve out a slice of happiness for myself on an individual level, I would be haunted by all of this. I'm too empathetic for my own good (which isn't nearly as positive of a trait as so-called "empaths" bragging about it would like to believe). Given the horrific circumstances I've been born into, I consider self-terminating to be a rational choice for a person to make rather than endure it. It's a cosmic-scale predicament I can't do anything about, I can't magically run away to somewhere where it's somehow not happening. When I die it will be a choice similar to the people on the Titanic who chose to jump instead of waiting to sink or that one guy who jumped from the tower on 9/11. If you're already facing certain doom why not speed up the process instead of dragging it out? People understand why it's rational to get assisted suicide when you're terminally ill. I live in a terminally sick society and am making the same decision for roughly the same reasons.
I have this stupid fantasy of who I could've been and the life I could've had, under different circumstances. Would've thrived as some 2000s tumblr kid taking pretty photos of the sunset and skating beneath the blue-white parking lot streetlights. It's not much. Other people fantasize about being rich and famous and powerful or whatever. I fantasize about not being conspired against by the universe.
...And that's why my username is "prelapsarian", meaning before the Biblical fall of Man. I'm not particularly religious (agnostic but open to it) but I'm a romanticist at heart and love the stories for their poetic value. I, too, yearn for Eden <3
Um. Hello. I'm a 20something non-binary person living in the midwest US. My life isn't all that terrible, objectively. I'm a loser NEET stuck living with their family in a run-down environment I'd rather not be living in, but like. I'm safe and fed and whatnot. We're lower-class but on the tier list of living conditions I'd put myself at a steady B.
Anyhoo, I have decided to kill myself sometime in the near-medium term future. I don't have a specific date or anything picked out, but I've made my peace and written my "here's what to do with the body and the friends i'd like alerted of my passing" notes. I see the writing on the wall. The time and place I was born in doomed me from the start. The world is fucked, the political situation keeps gettimg worse and worse (I won't be elaborating on that since a political rant isn't the point of this, but you can probably figure out what I'm alluding to given the information about myself above), and I overall feel hopeless about my prospects of ever finding peace in the predicament I've been born into.
I am already old. Yes, physically I'm in the prime of my life, but on the inside I feel incredibly old. I'm a relic for a different time. Had I been born a bit earlier and gotten to live a fuller life before the societal declines of the 2020s, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now. I feel painfully nostalgic for the "old world" I only got to briefly experience, as a drooling kid too dumb to appreciate what they were living through.
I can't live out the rest of a natural lifespan under this. I've always been a big-picture thinker (i know, i know, self-flattering cringe) more worried about the world than my own individual life. Climate change is getting worse, authoritarianism and hate are rising all across the globe, every chart of human living conditions show they peaked around the 2010s and everything past that point has been a downward slope. Even if I managed to carve out a slice of happiness for myself on an individual level, I would be haunted by all of this. I'm too empathetic for my own good (which isn't nearly as positive of a trait as so-called "empaths" bragging about it would like to believe). Given the horrific circumstances I've been born into, I consider self-terminating to be a rational choice for a person to make rather than endure it. It's a cosmic-scale predicament I can't do anything about, I can't magically run away to somewhere where it's somehow not happening. When I die it will be a choice similar to the people on the Titanic who chose to jump instead of waiting to sink or that one guy who jumped from the tower on 9/11. If you're already facing certain doom why not speed up the process instead of dragging it out? People understand why it's rational to get assisted suicide when you're terminally ill. I live in a terminally sick society and am making the same decision for roughly the same reasons.
I have this stupid fantasy of who I could've been and the life I could've had, under different circumstances. Would've thrived as some 2000s tumblr kid taking pretty photos of the sunset and skating beneath the blue-white parking lot streetlights. It's not much. Other people fantasize about being rich and famous and powerful or whatever. I fantasize about not being conspired against by the universe.
...And that's why my username is "prelapsarian", meaning before the Biblical fall of Man. I'm not particularly religious (agnostic but open to it) but I'm a romanticist at heart and love the stories for their poetic value. I, too, yearn for Eden <3
