Venting The end of my old personality

[Hans Voralberg]

So i literally fucked up my colleage exam first time in my life and i am not even sad about it. This exam was so hard that literally no one in my group pass it even a girl with 100% scores at exercises.I feel like warm cosy darkness slowly closing around my body like a warm blanket. I feel numb. Tomorrow i have the last exam i will do my best to pass it. I feel exhausted to the point of madness. I want to live only because of my girlfriend. I love her so much and i know she need me to endure madness in her head. She is so brave. She fights with the exams also i did evrything to support her She really care about me and this is wonderfull feeling to be understood and loved. Sometimes i think I CTB if this relationship will not last that this is my deadline the last ultimate quest to give her love she deserve. I know it is stupid to live because of someone but with her by my side my life isn't a nighmare even if i fail in something i still can love myself thanks to her. My old self is slowly fade away. I was overachiever. Contests, scholarships, perfect scores on tests that was my world i have this perfection and it was nothing for me i was suicidal as fuck and live in emotionall agony. Now am no longer perfect but somehow i feel peace with myself i feel love. I still want to die if she disappear from my life but i think the expierience of love was worth sacrifice of my old self and becoming more social. If you can choose what you will choose a person who Truly love and care about you, or academics achievments. I choose and i will never regret it even that i am scared of loosing my old perfect self.
PS
I miss Averagefanenjoyer she/he was such unique and gentle soul. She/he should have a chance to be happy and live i miss her/ him so much.

 

[Dot]

Snds lke ur prtner = hlpng u 2 grw as a persn - ths = gd 4 u

 

[rationaltake]

So i literally fucked up my colleage exam first time in my life and i am not even sad about it. This exam was so hard that literally no one in my group pass it even a girl with 100% scores at exercises.I feel like warm cosy darkness slowly closing around my body like a warm blanket. I feel numb. Tomorrow i have the last exam i will do my best to pass it. I feel exhausted to the point of madness. I want to live only because of my girlfriend. I love her so much and i know she need me to endure madness in her head. She is so brave. She fights with the exams also i did evrything to support her She really care about me and this is wonderfull feeling to be understood and loved. Sometimes i think I CTB if this relationship will not last that this is my deadline the last ultimate quest to give her love she deserve. I know it is stupid to live because of someone but with her by my side my life isn't a nighmare even if i fail in something i still can love myself thanks to her. My old self is slowly fade away. I was overachiever. Contests, scholarships, perfect scores on tests that was my world i have this perfection and it was nothing for me i was suicidal as fuck and live in emotionall agony. Now am no longer perfect but somehow i feel peace with myself i feel love. I still want to die if she disappear from my life but i think the expierience of love was worth sacrifice of my old self and becoming more social. If you can choose what you will choose a person who Truly love and care about you, or academics achievments. I choose and i will never regret it even that i am scared of loosing my old perfect self.
PS
I miss Averagefanenjoyer she/he was such unique and gentle soul. She/he should have a chance to be happy and live i miss her/ him so much.

It sounds good to me choosing love over academic perfection. One reason I want to ctb is OCD which means I want every object to be perfect. And I miss Averagefanenjoyer too. I didn't know them as well as you did but I did interact with them. I know they had a bond with you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm pleased for you that you found someone who gives you a reason to live. I wish you the best.