Thisiscertainlyause
for the night is dark and full of terrors
- Sep 27, 2024
- 36
I Always thought I was broken in some way but, now I think I truly am, my mind is just filled with my ex, I miss her so much, I've gotten to the point where I've just repressed every bad memory, if I even try to think about the things she did my mind just snaps to something else. She is in my dreams every night, it just sucks. The worst part is, we aren't even that compatible as people, even taking away the fact she spent most of the relationship gaslighting me or manipulating me, we just don't see eye to eye on anything. I think it's been the most I've questioned, well everything, how can I love someone this much? someone that, if any other person had their traits and personality, I would probably despise and be someone I'd rather have no connection with? It's just so weird, I've never cared this much for a person almost ever, 99% of people in my life are people I could drop on a dime, if I feel they aren't compatible with me or I don't mesh with their world view I could never speak to them again and be perfectly okay with it; but this one person is different, and it's messing with my head so badly, for 2 years we were together(roughly) and throughout I even saw what she was doing, I knew she wouldn't stop treating me like shit, I knew she wouldn't put in the effort, but I turned a blind eye to it, I became a worse person for it. I didn't think there was a world where that could happen. I don't know, I just don't know anything anymore, I wish there were better options for me to CTB, but the only reliable one I have near me is train and I don't want the last thing I do to be traumatizing a random train driver. I just want out of this world so badly
