Discussion The belief in the Matrix and the need to escape it. Or am I just going crazy?

[monkeyfff]

I have been going crazy the last couple of days maybe even weeks. Compulsively masturbating every 1 to 3 hours at days where I am doing nothing but rotting in bed. And after a suicide attempt with morphine (too low of a dose unfortunately) I have been going insane because of the Matrix.

I have always been a fan of the Matrix trilogy and the Animatrix series and I have always held them in high regards and as something that shaped who I am today (a loser). At this point in my life I believe in predeterminism and the fact that everything is just a chain reaction of the start of the beginning (for some that could be the Big Bang for others Allah or God). I don't believe in free will and I believe everything is happening according to that first domino that fell. This is something I want to write about in the future, but I will leave it at that for now.

The Matrix fits into this as it's based on a simulation (multiple even) and fits in my world view. I have started to believe that I am in the Matrix with all of you and that I have to escape it as this is the domain of the Devil aka hell. I have also began to view everyone as potential demons trying to do the Devil's bidding and keeping me chained in the Matrix. Yes, I have begun fearing and hating people silently as a result. I am restless and everything that goes against this belief feels like a test or manipulation from the Devil. I am starting to somehow believe that perhaps those who off themselves escape the Matrix and the Devil is just experimenting with us and testing us for some unknown reason. I don't know the motivation behind that but it feels like it. The Animatrix series has an episode called Kid's Story which I am even more obsessed with as it includes themes like suicide which I believe to be one of the ways to escape the Matrix. This is all crazy I know and many of you might push back on it which of course will prompt me to subconsciously view you as demons for doing that for the Devil.

I know I am rambling a lot but I just want to know if I am going crazy. I have this wish that I could off myself and escape the Matrix. I don't claim to know what is beyond the Matrix. Perhaps there are more layers of this prison. Perhaps the Matrix not even ruled by the Devil like I am starting to believe. I don't know. I am getting scared of myself, but simultaneously do like the fact that I might be fighting back against the system, the programming, breaking and cracking the code. Rebelling and flipping everyone off with the middle finger metaphorically does feel euphoric and exhilarating but this is probably just part of the script, of the chain of events that have to and need to occur.

Maybe there is no escaping the Matrix. Probably not. We are fucked.

 

[derpyderpins]

Well, with this stuff, what I try to do to feel less "crazy" is not get too fixated on specifics.

I think your general sense of feeling trapped, there being unseen forces that are not widely known or recognized, and whatever has 'power' over us being malicious, are things a lot of people are feeling in one way or another. Lots of people, particularly online, are moving to spiritual beliefs like gnosticism and the idea that the Christian 'God' is the demiurge, a lesser god who believes himself to be the Almighty and has us trapped here in this world.

Where I've personally been drifting is that we have a higher 'state' of consciousness that we can reach and that our modern lifestyle moves us away from that state. I try to consider it from a neuroscience standpoint, that we're stuck in disregulated default modal network overdrive, which makes us experience time more closely to linear while also losing our higher functions of creation an deeper thinking. I also firmly believe in a type of spiritual energy that we can't really identify or measure yet being related to yet.

But whether it's your concept of the matrix, gnosticism and their pursuit of gnosis (enlightenment) to break free from the reincarnation cycle and find the true god, my view of needing to free our minds from the self-made cages we've got them in, or one of many similar views, there is that same theme of escape, a feeling that many people - being trapped - are not seeing or considering the important things, and a sense that forces are working against us.

So just considering the idea of a matrix doesn't make you crazy. And wanting to solve it by finding an escape isn't crazy.

I think the caution has to be losing yourself in paranoia, isolation, and hatred. In all of these explanations, *that* is actually a way that the controlling power keeps the questioners trapped, right? Strong anger and negative emotions get them trapped in another way. If other people don't see it, it's not malice. They're doing their best in a difficult situation. They may never see things as you do, but that doesn't make getting upset with them or looking down on them have any value.

I firmly believe that human connection is necessary in every escape scenario. Finding some well meaning confidants willing to explore with you is a good goal.

And yeah, we're probably fucked. But let's do our best and uncover what we can in the time we have.

 

[monkeyfff]

In all of these explanations, *that* is actually a way that the controlling power keeps the questioners trapped, right?

This is I think one of the most important questions for me to answer if there is any answer to it at all.

Thank you for taking your time reading my ramblings. I appreciate it very much.