Survived recent SN attempt, in psych ward

[peacecomingsoon]

Hello again everyone at SaSu. I unfortunately am here to post that I survived my SN attempt. I know what I did wrong and will make sure there are no mistakes for next time. Thank you so much everyone for all your support and kind words. I haven't read through everything as my phone is sometimes taken away in the ward and have to be careful.

I'm very regretful honestly to still be alive and was wishing so much that while the medical team were treating me that the treatment would fail and that I would die. I still want this, to die, but it is impossible right now with 1:1 nursing staff on me. The last three days I've been on 1:1 nursing which means a nurse outside the room door monitoring me, with the door open and also nearly everything in my room is taken away at night.

I've been put under the mental health act as expected and have been forcibly medicated already. Doctors gave the choice: take the meds or forced ECT… not much of a choice so I have been taken the forced meds. Even broke down crying one night because they were forcing me to take multiple sedative medications just because I was still awake around 10-11pmish and I wasn't even agitated. Saying it was needed for me to 'think straight' and calm down.

I hate psych wards so much and just want to be discharged and ctb. Thinking of either trying to hang myself with the thin bedsheets they have here once 1:1 nursing ends and do it over the door (toilet door has a wide gap). Or once I'm finally able to go on leave, get some of my SN back and drink it before coming back to hospital or even in the ward and just pretend I'm sleeping after taken it so by the time they will have noticed likely too late to help.

I'm so goddamn frustrated and wish my SI hadn't gotten in the way of my attempt. Next time I will not have my phone on me, will be in a completely isolated area, will mix the SN with another flavoured drink because it actually made no difference when I took it (I vomited 3 hours after drinking it at the hospital), a slightly shorter fasting period (8 hours instead of 12)…

in the end I only managed to drink 2-4g of SN unsure of exact amount/slightly less than half of 10g. This was enough to cause tachycardia/higher heart rate, cyanosis an hour or so later on lips, fingers, face very pale with bluish hue, nausea began early and got stronger right until I threw up 3 hours later. Overall experienced barely any breathing difficulties though despite my oxygen dropping to 83% I believe while treating, I think it got lower than that too though can't remember. My blood was apparently 'very, very dark brown' was what the doctor said. They gave the methylene blue and then it was all good pretty much after I vomited also. I've definitely learned my lesson and will not fail my next attempt. Doctors did say that (this was 2.5 hours later after I drank the SN), that if I hadn't gotten to hospital when I did that I would've died without treatment. So I guess it shows how potent and effective it is, really regret having gotten treatment…

Anyway, feel free to ask any questions and I'd be happy to answer them when I can. Just be mindful I am still in the ward and limited phone time. Thank you so much everyone and hope this helps somehow.

Overall, if I had to rate SN on a scale of pain it would be a 2/3 out of 10, very peaceful and minimal pain. It is definitely my method of choice.

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

Hi friend (: I remember seeing your earlier post and wondered how everything went. I'm sorry to hear you're in the ward. I had no idea of the SN method until recently. I've been thinking of CTB with it, but I'm going to do more research on here. I hope you find peace soon. Nothing worse than being forced to stay alive.

 

[Hellis]

My rating would be about a 3 as well, at least according to my notes I took while dying like some sort of freak. The recovery is honestly worse, especially early on.

Give yourself some time to recover if at all possible (relaxation is easier said than done and I feel like a fool just saying anything along those lines) because CTB will always be there when you're ready, it's not a race and you've been through a lot as it stands. You've earned a moment of peace if you find yourself able to create it. Here to listen if you need to talk, but listen to the nurses if they make you stop. Fighting them even verbally didn't end well for me haha.

 

[fadedghost]

Doctors gave the choice: take the meds or forced ECT… not much of a choice so I have been taken the forced meds. Even broke down crying one night because they were forcing me to take multiple sedative medications just because I was still awake around 10-11pmish and I wasn't even agitated.

it's fucking evil

ECT often permanently damages memory, and doctors NEVER tell patients, they always say "some chance" of memory loss, but usually gets better. It's not true. Most people get memory loss that doesn't get better. They also mention things about EGO, like helps you see outside your ego. But really, it damages brains, in the same way lobotomies damage brains. I'm sure those who were lobotomized seemed less egocentric also because part of their fucking brain was gone. Brain damage does that.

Keep taking the sedatives, it's the least bad option. Absolutely do not consent to ECT no matter what. I am so sorry they are being so fucking evil to you, making you take more sedatives for being up at 10 PM like you're some fucking child who can't be awake at 11:30 PM or else. It's fucking debasing and awful. This is exactly why people hate psychiatrists and mental health professionals.

Also, pushing ECT onto a traumatized person who just attempted suicide, and may not be able to consider all the risks, is highly unethical. Much like the doctors before them who performed lobotomies, this new cohort of monstrous medical "professionals" will one day be seen as unethical and corrupt.

Hello again everyone at SaSu. I unfortunately am here to post that I survived my SN attempt. I know what I did wrong and will make sure there are no mistakes for next time. Thank you so much everyone for all your support and kind words. I haven't read through everything as my phone is sometimes taken away in the ward and have to be careful.

I'm very regretful honestly to still be alive and was wishing so much that while the medical team were treating me that the treatment would fail and that I would die. I still want this, to die, but it is impossible right now with 1:1 nursing staff on me. The last three days I've been on 1:1 nursing which means a nurse outside the room door monitoring me, with the door open and also nearly everything in my room is taken away at night.

I've been put under the mental health act as expected and have been forcibly medicated already. Doctors gave the choice: take the meds or forced ECT… not much of a choice so I have been taken the forced meds. Even broke down crying one night because they were forcing me to take multiple sedative medications just because I was still awake around 10-11pmish and I wasn't even agitated. Saying it was needed for me to 'think straight' and calm down.

I hate psych wards so much and just want to be discharged and ctb. Thinking of either trying to hang myself with the thin bedsheets they have here once 1:1 nursing ends and do it over the door (toilet door has a wide gap). Or once I'm finally able to go on leave, get some of my SN back and drink it before coming back to hospital or even in the ward and just pretend I'm sleeping after taken it so by the time they will have noticed likely too late to help.

I'm so goddamn frustrated and wish my SI hadn't gotten in the way of my attempt. Next time I will not have my phone on me, will be in a completely isolated area, will mix the SN with another flavoured drink because it actually made no difference when I took it (I vomited 3 hours after drinking it at the hospital), a slightly shorter fasting period (8 hours instead of 12)…

in the end I only managed to drink 2-4g of SN unsure of exact amount/slightly less than half of 10g. This was enough to cause tachycardia/higher heart rate, cyanosis an hour or so later on lips, fingers, face very pale with bluish hue, nausea began early and got stronger right until I threw up 3 hours later. Overall experienced barely any breathing difficulties though despite my oxygen dropping to 83% I believe while treating, I think it got lower than that too though can't remember. My blood was apparently 'very, very dark brown' was what the doctor said. They gave the methylene blue and then it was all good pretty much after I vomited also. I've definitely learned my lesson and will not fail my next attempt. Doctors did say that (this was 2.5 hours later after I drank the SN), that if I hadn't gotten to hospital when I did that I would've died without treatment. So I guess it shows how potent and effective it is, really regret having gotten treatment…

Anyway, feel free to ask any questions and I'd be happy to answer them when I can. Just be mindful I am still in the ward and limited phone time. Thank you so much everyone and hope this helps somehow.

Overall, if I had to rate SN on a scale of pain it would be a 2/3 out of 10, very peaceful and minimal pain. It is definitely my method of choice.

do you mean 2/3 like .6666666667 out of 10 or do you mean 6.67 out of 10 or what do you mean? Oh, like 2.5?

i get it now

2.5 isn't bad but also you only got to 83 percent oxygen saturation

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

what happened did you call the ER hospital or ambulance ? at what time after drinking SN did you call?

what was your thinking like to make you call?

what country are you in?

as @fadedghost said it's evil to try to give someone ECT for attempting suicide

i read other accounts some people have been kept 4 months for a suicide attempt. it's pure evil . it's no one else's business that i want to kill myself.

 

[rozeske]

Welcome back! I'm glad you didn't suffer any major permanent damage. I hope things be easier for you from now on.

 

[Reishi]

As they say , take it one day at a time. SN really fucked you up once your body is trying to get it out of your system completely.

At any point did you start to hallucinate or experience a nde or did you have any seizures ?
I'd love to talk about it more if you have the time, every sn attempt can be different depending on the person and amount consumed.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so horrific to me how we exist in this reality where suicide is a crime, I hope you find the freedom you search for.

 

[timeisrunning]

I remember reading your thread before and wondered what happened. It seemed like you were fairly far down the road when you posted last. If you don't mind letting us know how you got found? No problem if you don't want to share/get specific. Am kinda glad to see you post again though, even though I know you'd rather not be here.

 

[dalemar]

I hope you can achieve a full recovery really soon, and you don't have to go through much psych crap.
Glad to hear the SN experience wasn't painful.

 

[Mx_Pathetic]

I know it's probably disrespectful to ask such a thing but I'm in Australia and my go to is probably hanging, but god if I could do SN I would. If you could message me and let me know how you got it, I'd appreciate that…sorry if it's disrespectful and I'm so sorry you ended up in the psych ward.

 

[peacecomingsoon]

it's fucking evil

ECT often permanently damages memory, and doctors NEVER tell patients, they always say "some chance" of memory loss, but usually gets better. It's not true. Most people get memory loss that doesn't get better. They also mention things about EGO, like helps you see outside your ego. But really, it damages brains, in the same way lobotomies damage brains. I'm sure those who were lobotomized seemed less egocentric also because part of their fucking brain was gone. Brain damage does that.

Keep taking the sedatives, it's the least bad option. Absolutely do not consent to ECT no matter what. I am so sorry they are being so fucking evil to you, making you take more sedatives for being up at 10 PM like you're some fucking child who can't be awake at 11:30 PM or else. It's fucking debasing and awful. This is exactly why people hate psychiatrists and mental health professionals.

Also, pushing ECT onto a traumatized person who just attempted suicide, and may not be able to consider all the risks, is highly unethical. Much like the doctors before them who performed lobotomies, this new cohort of monstrous medical "professionals" will one day be seen as unethical and corrupt.

do you mean 2/3 like .6666666667 out of 10 or do you mean 6.67 out of 10 or what do you mean? Oh, like 2.5?

i get it now

2.5 isn't bad but also you only got to 83 percent oxygen saturation

Thank you. Yes, I've read about all the side effects and often permanent effects on memory previously around ECT. Straight up refused the option when they brought it up. Going to have to start pretending to get better, eat and drink more, out of bed more so that they don't force it on me once they figure out the meds don't work.

I meant a 2 or a 3 out of 10, like 2.5. In all honesty I barely had any effects and it felt nearly like I hadn't drunk anything, just headache, some mild stomach pain, a bit of dizziness/lightheaded and then later cyanosis of fingers and lips etc. I truly believe if police hadn't texted me right that moment after I took it, that I'd probably would have gone to sleep and died in my sleep later. I wish that happened instead of my current predicament.

 

[Realog11]

Thank you. Yes, I've read about all the side effects and often permanent effects on memory previously around ECT. Straight up refused the option when they brought it up. Going to have to start pretending to get better, eat and drink more, out of bed more so that they don't force it on me once they figure out the meds don't work.

I meant a 2 or a 3 out of 10, like 2.5. In all honesty I barely had any effects and it felt nearly like I hadn't drunk anything, just headache, some mild stomach pain, a bit of dizziness/lightheaded and then later cyanosis of fingers and lips etc. I truly believe if police hadn't texted me right that moment after I took it, that I'd probably would have gone to sleep and died in my sleep later. I wish that happened instead of my current predicament.

Did you call the police?

 

[peacecomingsoon]

Did you call the police?

No, I didn't. I was reported a missing person by my family few hours after I was gone. They tracked my phone and managed to find out my general area (10km radius approximately they told me). Then a police officer was calling me non stop and texting me shortly after I had ingested the SN. He was nice and in the end maybe after over an hour texting, I agreed to meet him outside my motel.

5 mins after I told him where I was, he got there with another officer for the welfare check as I was reported a missing person and we waited for an ambulance to assess me medically. Then, they found my suicide note to my family in my bag when they searched it and said they had to bring me to hospital (willingly or not). So they brought me to hospital by the ambulance with the officer I spoke to with me in the back.

In the hospital, things were going okay and I was going to be transferred to an ED bed to be assessed, but then I started feeling really nauseous (maybe 2 hours post SN ingestion). So I went to the bathroom and realised my fingers and lips were turning blue too and I felt like throwing up but luckily didn't. They ended up asking me if I took anything and found some extra SN I had in my bag and asked what it was. I ended up telling them it was SN as I thought they'd find out eventually anyway and didn't want to lie…

After that, they searched up what it was and took me to the Resus area in the hospital ED and drew a bunch of blood (my blood was apparently 'very, very dark brown' one of the doctors said), lots of needles in me, checking my oxygen, oxygen mask and other things. It was a lot and I felt really scared honestly the entire time and wishing I was going to die…

 

[39hatsune]

i hope that you can genuinely get better, no one deserves this stay safe in the psych ward

 

[peacecomingsoon]

what happened did you call the ER hospital or ambulance ? at what time after drinking SN did you call?

what was your thinking like to make you call?

what country are you in?

as @fadedghost said it's evil to try to give someone ECT for attempting suicide

i read other accounts some people have been kept 4 months for a suicide attempt. it's pure evil . it's no one else's business that i want to kill myself.

Hey, I answered what happened in my most recent reply here. I didn't call the ER/hospital or ambulance. Police were looking for me as I was reported a missing person. So this meant they had tracked my phone, figured out my general location and were texting and calling me a lot. I didn't answer any calls but one police officer texted a few mins after I drank the SN and SI got in the way…

I had a few doubts coming up and texted him back and an hour or an hour and a half later agreed to meet with him/the police. They showed up outside my motel after I gave the location and called an ambulance to assess me too, who then brought me to hospital after finding my suicide note in my bag.

What my thinking was like is quite complicated… I was very glad and relieved to have finally drunk the SN and wanted to drink more/the whole glass. But at the same time, kept thinking about my parents and dogs and the uncertainty about what comes after death. I was also worried about time running out as it was past 3am in the morning, worried about police finding me and checkout time too. Overall, it was a strange mindset as if I wanted to die and the urge to drink more was very strong after the first sip, but the uncertainty and my parents along with the right timing that the police officer coincidentally texted me caused my failure I guess.

I arrived at hospital around 2-2.5 hours after ingestion and treatment after doctors realised what I ingested perhaps 3 hours post ingestion.

I live in Australia… first week of being in the psych ward coming up tomorrow. Hopefully will be out of this place soon.

i hope that you can genuinely get better, no one deserves this stay safe in the psych ward

Thank you so much, I do really appreciate it :)

 

[quietbird]

Hello again everyone at SaSu. I unfortunately am here to post that I survived my SN attempt. I know what I did wrong and will make sure there are no mistakes for next time. Thank you so much everyone for all your support and kind words. I haven't read through everything as my phone is sometimes taken away in the ward and have to be careful.

I'm very regretful honestly to still be alive and was wishing so much that while the medical team were treating me that the treatment would fail and that I would die. I still want this, to die, but it is impossible right now with 1:1 nursing staff on me. The last three days I've been on 1:1 nursing which means a nurse outside the room door monitoring me, with the door open and also nearly everything in my room is taken away at night.

I've been put under the mental health act as expected and have been forcibly medicated already. Doctors gave the choice: take the meds or forced ECT… not much of a choice so I have been taken the forced meds. Even broke down crying one night because they were forcing me to take multiple sedative medications just because I was still awake around 10-11pmish and I wasn't even agitated. Saying it was needed for me to 'think straight' and calm down.

I hate psych wards so much and just want to be discharged and ctb. Thinking of either trying to hang myself with the thin bedsheets they have here once 1:1 nursing ends and do it over the door (toilet door has a wide gap). Or once I'm finally able to go on leave, get some of my SN back and drink it before coming back to hospital or even in the ward and just pretend I'm sleeping after taken it so by the time they will have noticed likely too late to help.

I'm so goddamn frustrated and wish my SI hadn't gotten in the way of my attempt. Next time I will not have my phone on me, will be in a completely isolated area, will mix the SN with another flavoured drink because it actually made no difference when I took it (I vomited 3 hours after drinking it at the hospital), a slightly shorter fasting period (8 hours instead of 12)…

in the end I only managed to drink 2-4g of SN unsure of exact amount/slightly less than half of 10g. This was enough to cause tachycardia/higher heart rate, cyanosis an hour or so later on lips, fingers, face very pale with bluish hue, nausea began early and got stronger right until I threw up 3 hours later. Overall experienced barely any breathing difficulties though despite my oxygen dropping to 83% I believe while treating, I think it got lower than that too though can't remember. My blood was apparently 'very, very dark brown' was what the doctor said. They gave the methylene blue and then it was all good pretty much after I vomited also. I've definitely learned my lesson and will not fail my next attempt. Doctors did say that (this was 2.5 hours later after I drank the SN), that if I hadn't gotten to hospital when I did that I would've died without treatment. So I guess it shows how potent and effective it is, really regret having gotten treatment…

Anyway, feel free to ask any questions and I'd be happy to answer them when I can. Just be mindful I am still in the ward and limited phone time. Thank you so much everyone and hope this helps somehow.

Overall, if I had to rate SN on a scale of pain it would be a 2/3 out of 10, very peaceful and minimal pain. It is definitely my method of choice.

Did you drink that amount because the taste was hard to get past?

I hope they are treating you better in the hospital.

 

[Fadenself00]

Maybe try calling police and explain how you're just medicated to shut up. Explain the way they treated you(?) Do you have any police officer/anyone you know and trust? (I know it's almost impossible and very dangerous, but what you described is cruel fucking torture and it makes my blood boil)

Can you hire a lawyer?

- But don't do anything if you think there's too much of a risk for it to get worse!!

(Also I am essentially just sharing my immediate thoughts/opinions here, so i dont want to pressure you into/dictate any choice here obviously)

 

[Natbee]

Maybe try calling police and explain how you're just medicated to shut up. Explain the way they treated you(?) Do you have any police officer/anyone you know and trust? (I know it's almost impossible and very dangerous, but what you described is cruel fucking torture and it makes my blood boil)

Can you hire a lawyer?

- But don't do anything if you think there's too much of a risk for it to get worse!!

(Also I am essentially just sharing my immediate thoughts/opinions here, so i dont want to pressure you into/dictate any choice here obviously)

In Australia, if you're under a treatment authority, a lawyer can't help you or Police won't when you are under that treatment order until the Hospital teams you're not a danger to yourself or others. Some people have to face a tribunal to get off a treatment order.

 

[Fadenself00]

In Australia, if you're under a treatment authority, a lawyer can't help you or Police won't when you are under that treatment order until the Hospital teams you're not a danger to yourself or others. Some people have to face a tribunal to get off a treatment order.

humans are so incredibly fucked up holy shit

 

[Dante_]

Overall experienced barely any breathing difficulties though despite my oxygen dropping to 83% I believe while treating, I think it got lower than that too though can't remember.

Hang on a second, was it 83% after those three hours? Mine was 85% after 20 minutes after ingestion.

That aside, its awful how treatment is over there

 

[kouna]

Hey Aussie!

Surprised to see you. Thought you had CTB!

Wish you that all goes as you wish!

 

[nitrogenous]

Hey mate, I've been thinking about you a lot since our last interaction. On the one hand, I'm really glad to be able to see your post again. But on the other hand, I can understand how painful it must have been (emotionally) for you. Not going to lie, you have gone through sooooo much. I just want to reiterate to you that it's not your fault at all for replying to the police. I truly wish you a speedy recovery and I hope you can get out of the ward soon. I just want you to know that you are so so so brave and resilient and that we are all on your side. I hope things will get much easier for you, no matter which way you decide to move forward.