Survival instincts causing second thoughts

[ikadasui]

I genuinely believe what I'm doing is the right choice for me to make for myself. I have not once in my life ever had any dreams or aspirations to help guide or instill some form of personality or goals. Instead I submerged myself into fictional worlds through games, books, anime etc you know the speel. Now I'm horribly out of shape, my mind is in tatters, my poor mother is financial drained and I can't stand it anymore and I myself might be in legal troubler later because my UI claim got fucked up. Just a whole lotta bad that has more shit behind every door. My date is this Saturday and I've reserved my hotel room (yes I have plans to make sure a worker won't see me) but now that I'm this close my mind is trying to play tricks on me that it isn't so bad when it IS that fucking bad! I just want it over with man

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Minor detail, but this seems more psychological/cognitive than instinctual. Survival instinct is supposed to be this short-term lizard brain thing, no?

 

[plough22]

There is a part of you that wants you live, I have the same affliction, I hope for a push over the edge. Get in place my exit, have it ready. Drink kills a lot of things, I have a rope, I'll tie it attic rafter and leave until the time.
I wish you find peace whatever way that may be. Good wishes.
I wish I could write better, meds and bed, depression which sucks