I'm miserable. Inside and out. Mentally unwell, physically unwell, and financially fucked. My bank account is negative, I have bills about to come in that I can't pay and will completely fuck my situation worse than it already is, and I'm alone in the world. I don't know what to do other than die now. The economy is on its way to hell, and I hate every aspect of everyday life and being alive. What choice do I have other than to just die? Give up my rights, freedoms, and happiness to be put in a psych ward then end up homeless immediately afterwards anyway? Everything is falling down around me, right now. It's been a downward spiral for a long time, but now I think I've reached the end. I'm so fucking scared of what dying is going to be like, I'm so fucking scared of not going instantly, I'm so fucking scared of messing up. I now know everything that will happen after I do it, I read that thread... and it did make me feel a bit worse, but do I even care? Does anything even matter? Won't matter to me when I'm dead, even if it matters to me now. Same with experiencing pain as I die. Why can't I just get over it and accept the end is here? My end is here, the end of the world may even be in the cards for the near future because humanity just fucking sucks.
I need more help than is reasonable to ask for, than anyone or anything would ever provide, and probably more than anyone or anything ever could provide. I'm fucked up. We live in a fucked up world, in a fucked up society, with a super fucked up system. I cannot function or survive in this system. I did for almost a decade, and I am completely burnt out. I can't function anymore, I don't have friends or even relatives that give a fuck about my health, wellbeing, or my very existence. Some of these people I had to get away from because they are horrible, violent, abusive people. I have no one that cares about me, no one that's willing to help me. I've tried reaching out to people I thought would be there, people that said they would be there, and they pretty much spit in my face. I've tried getting professional help, and that shit went really poorly every time. Made things worse to be honest. I don't see any other option than just getting the fuck over it and just fucking pulling the trigger and hoping for instant and permanent lights out. If I became homeless, I would just die slowly and miserably. Far more so than I am right now. I hate being alive. I wish I'd never been born. I wish the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and did me in before I even saw the light of this shitty world.
I need more help than is reasonable to ask for, than anyone or anything would ever provide, and probably more than anyone or anything ever could provide. I'm fucked up. We live in a fucked up world, in a fucked up society, with a super fucked up system. I cannot function or survive in this system. I did for almost a decade, and I am completely burnt out. I can't function anymore, I don't have friends or even relatives that give a fuck about my health, wellbeing, or my very existence. Some of these people I had to get away from because they are horrible, violent, abusive people. I have no one that cares about me, no one that's willing to help me. I've tried reaching out to people I thought would be there, people that said they would be there, and they pretty much spit in my face. I've tried getting professional help, and that shit went really poorly every time. Made things worse to be honest. I don't see any other option than just getting the fuck over it and just fucking pulling the trigger and hoping for instant and permanent lights out. If I became homeless, I would just die slowly and miserably. Far more so than I am right now. I hate being alive. I wish I'd never been born. I wish the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and did me in before I even saw the light of this shitty world.
