Stuck in limbo

[Avril]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a routine, knowing you will die in the end by your own hands but keep living anyway because your survival instincts are too strong?

 

[Seeking_Peace]

My SI is too strong for the common methods that's why I'm going the chemical route.

 

[Avril]

My SI is too strong for the common methods that's why I'm going the chemical route.

I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

I hope everything works out for you.

Thanks, I hope so too. I'm so ready, I'd drink N if it was next to me. Do you have something to live for?

 

[Avril]

Thanks, I hope so too. I'm so ready, I'd drink N if it was next to me. Do you have something to live for?

N is the best method ever. Like falling asleep! Btw I only stay alive for my SS friends at this point.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

N is the best method ever. Like falling asleep! Btw I only stay alive for my SS friends at this point.

N is good but overpriced. I'd settle for fent if I still had drug contacts(drug free 2 yrs). & way cheaper and puts you too sleep too. If I still had my LA contacts I'd be gone off an oxy by now. I'm glad you found love/care in the community here, we do have big hearts <3

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I'm treading water, hanging by my fingernails to the bottom rung of Maslow's hierarchy of needs… survival and nothing more…

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I feel that way all the time, and I have been this way for years now. Even though I picked a day to CTB, I'm not sure if I'll be able to go through with it when it gets here. All I can do is try and see how it goes, because I'm tired of being stuck like this.

 

[Hollowman]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a routine, knowing you will die in the end by your own hands but keep living anyway because your survival instincts are too strong?

Every day

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, suicide is the only way which I can imagine myself dying and yet I feel trapped in this world. I think that for me, the main reason for this is because of limited access to methods. If it was easier to leave I would already be gone and the fear of failure is what holds me back.

It is so dreadful living the same empty existence each day, yet feeling as though I am unable to do anything about it. The survival instinct can certainly be frustrating as even know we want to die, we are programmed to survive and this can mean that ctb is very difficult. At least this life will end one day no matter what, but it is horrifying the thought that I could potentially still be alive for a long time.

 

[chocolatebar]

I feel in a similar way, but held back not only by instinct, but also because I want to live a few good moments before leaving this world and to have the opportunity to take some revenge on the people who destroyed my life.

 

[Julgran]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a routine, knowing you will die in the end by your own hands but keep living anyway because your survival instincts are too strong?

You seem to have some level of wish to live. Do you thinj that someone in this community could help you along?

I don't think that I would be the best person to try, which is why I ask you - but I can wish you the best

To your question - yes - I'm also in some kind of a limbo between life and death. However, I have the mindset of "why should I end my life? I didn't do anything wrong", on the one hand - but, on the other hand, I'm thinking "I will die a natural death sooner or later anyway, so why not now or soon?".

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have a horrible feeling I will never pluck up the courage to end it. I also can't imagine not feeling suicidal. Feel like it's going to be this awful frustration for the rest of my life- which will likely only get worse if either my financial or health situation worsens and definitely if/when my Dad dies.

Think the 'best' I can hope for is for some terminal illness that causes no pain and takes me out quickly. Guess we're all hoping for that! Something effortless.

Suppose all we can do is be there for each other while we wait. I'm so comforted by this forum. It's nice to just be honest about how I feel.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a routine, knowing you will die in the end by your own hands but keep living anyway because your survival instincts are too strong?

I also have the false hope that there could be some good (or at least better/less bad) moments before the end. And some responsibilities (pets).

 

[Huntfish34]

Yepp,. All the time... 24/7 for the most part I believe. I'm just as good as dead honestly,. Fml - .

 

[Lost Magic]

For me it is all the planning that I have been doing for years and the changing methods. I started off thinking about hanging, then inert gas, then SN and now finally the much coveted N. Now, I am in the process of trying to get a will sorted and tying up some loose ends. It all just feels like I am distracting myself from the inevitable. It's so bloody draining.

 

[breadlexington]

I can relate to that feeling. For me it's a combination of strong SI plus guilt about what my friends will feel.

Right now I don't have access to any methods that won't be very painful. Even though I don't want to be alive I hate pain. Not sure how many other posters live with chronic pain conditions, but my health situation is one of the biggest reasons why I don't want to be alive anymore.

 

[BasqueClown]

I have two dates for ending that limbo:
September 1, 2023: If didn't improve to managing my severe depression, social anxiety and my PTSD, I can't wait anymore
If I improve in some way, I postponed my own death until 41 years old
Again, I want to be in team recovery but my stress and anxiety and confusion is unbearable
I'm drinking and gain weight
I also suspect that suicide for me are irreversible