Venting not sure what to do anymore

[Thisiscertainlyause]

I'm kind of stuck in limbo now, testing partial gave me bad results and from the replies I got it sounds like the risks far outweigh the rewards for me. All of my methods are pretty much scrapped, mostly due to strict AU laws or regulations, I could still try but the risks of wellness checks or scams is really rough. I want to get out of this world pretty badly, I know the feelings that haunt me now will not stop. Recovery options are, well mostly a single option, my local emergency mental health team, but I don't see alot of point in going there if I don't really want to recover, and that mindset feels really hard to change. I'm just lost, my last hope is that some lung problems I've been having for awhile turn out to be something bad enough to kill me, but I don't know how likely that is, or how long it'd take if it were, I'll find out in a few days after an xray and doctors report. This has all ended up being much harder than I expected, it feels odd, I always hear people talk about how fragile people are, but to me it always seemed like we are incredibly durable, and the search for a method has only reinforced that... buh...

 

[marleybarley]

I'm kind of stuck in limbo now, testing partial gave me bad results and from the replies I got it sounds like the risks far outweigh the rewards for me. All of my methods are pretty much scrapped, mostly due to strict AU laws or regulations, I could still try but the risks of wellness checks or scams is really rough. I want to get out of this world pretty badly, I know the feelings that haunt me now will not stop. Recovery options are, well mostly a single option, my local emergency mental health team, but I don't see alot of point in going there if I don't really want to recover, and that mindset feels really hard to change. I'm just lost, my last hope is that some lung problems I've been having for awhile turn out to be something bad enough to kill me, but I don't know how likely that is, or how long it'd take if it were, I'll find out in a few days after an xray and doctors report. This has all ended up being much harder than I expected, it feels odd, I always hear people talk about how fragile people are, but to me it always seemed like we are incredibly durable, and the search for a method has only reinforced that... buh...

i know what you mean the options that we have are impossible but living is extremely harder. Its like being stuck in jail with no way out i wish there was simple ways that way we can have some type of peace it sucks so bad.