So I've attempted multiple times this year

[Lollypop24]

In February I was attached to life support in ICU after I drunk 1 1/2 litres of vodka and whiskey straight with 120 zoppiclone. Since then I've made multiple attempts and failed. Been hospitalised twice and my care and choices were taken out of my control. I feel empty and have done since my mother passed away from lung and brain Cancer last October. My one wish is to be with her again. I've ordered my second batch of SN -my partner opened the package and threw it away afew weeks ago. I feel like a prisoner, always being watched and judged and told off. Im not even allowed to go places or do things. My every move and breath gets watched my partner who was sick enough to take my SN off me and tell me "don't worry we can take it together in afew days" that was three weeks ago. Everyy time I tried to bring it up with him, he shouts and calls me stupid names and threatens to pour it away down the sink.. So I plan to order gifts for him and my sister and my SN will hopefully arrive at the same time ish? I just want it all to be over. I've had a hell of a life at age 25. I should be able to choose to die? Sn is my choice because it can't be undone or fixed, unlike my previous attempts

 

[MidnightDream]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, this choice is yours to make and yours alone. Wishing you so much luck and peace on your journey.

 

[flightless bird]

I am so sorry, I don't know what to say. Hope you find your peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so horrible going through those failed attempts. I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life. Of course we should be able to choose when to die and nobody else should have any say in it. I wish you peace and freedom.

 

[Lollypop24]

Thankyou for your wishes and thoughts. Does anyone know if amitriptyline is useful at all

 

[evey8112]

I know how to feel, I tried to OD on pills that were laced and was saved. Waking up with tubes down your throat is the worst feeling ever.

 

[Lollypop24]

Just wondering, is there anyone who would be willing to watch and document my SN attempt? I know it's pretty fucked up, but was wondering.

 

[marcy2022]

I know how to feel, I tried to OD on pills that were laced and was saved. Waking up with tubes down your throat is the worst feeling ever.

I know the feeling quite well.