I am going to take SN 4 days from now. I suffer from severe pain. I have had it for 14 years. I got accepted at Pegasus. But can't travel due to being bedridden. My brother threw me out of his house where I had travel to for treatment. My only support system is my old father. Doctors have given up and I can't be on morphine methadone for ever as there impact has reduced.
So I am not concerned about death. I am just concerned about my bad luck that keeps on coming up and I Just Wonder What if SN fails e.g. I become a vegetable. I am in a third world country and hospitals usually create problems instead of solving them. But hopefully this is just my anxiety imagining different ways that are possibly not there. I am also worried about police which is corrupt and will harass me if I am found
I keep on reading the success stories to convince my mind that it will be peaceful. What else can I do to to be normal. I am mixing SN everyday and going to the steps just so that if my hands shake due to the pain or if there is any anxiety I am still able to do the steps. But it is while sleeping that I panic the most. I feel guilty of leaving my father but anyway I was unable to provide in any support . So I am trying to convince my mind that it is better that I pass away and maybe it will be difficult for him in the short term but long term it would be ok . Please provide any suggestions for this waiting time to be pleasant and so that I succeed
So I am not concerned about death. I am just concerned about my bad luck that keeps on coming up and I Just Wonder What if SN fails e.g. I become a vegetable. I am in a third world country and hospitals usually create problems instead of solving them. But hopefully this is just my anxiety imagining different ways that are possibly not there. I am also worried about police which is corrupt and will harass me if I am found
I keep on reading the success stories to convince my mind that it will be peaceful. What else can I do to to be normal. I am mixing SN everyday and going to the steps just so that if my hands shake due to the pain or if there is any anxiety I am still able to do the steps. But it is while sleeping that I panic the most. I feel guilty of leaving my father but anyway I was unable to provide in any support . So I am trying to convince my mind that it is better that I pass away and maybe it will be difficult for him in the short term but long term it would be ok . Please provide any suggestions for this waiting time to be pleasant and so that I succeed
