SmigSauer
Member
- Feb 18, 2026
- 19
Life is just an endless series of small problems and stressors that you have to deal with. Some people are unaware of these issues, some people take it in stride, some people ignore it. I dwell on it and allow myself to be worn down by such inconveniences. There's nothing I can do to change that, this is just simply how I was wired to be.
It does not seem to matter how frustrated I get; I can't seem to cry or express any emotion deeper than frustration. And the anxiety that has plagued me seems to never leave me either. I've been in a perpetual bad mood since I became an adolescent, and now I am a fully grown adult who is unable to experience strong emotions. Without emotions, I have no reason to seek activity because I do not get any enjoyment out of said activity. Believe me, I have tried to put myself out there and complete goals to better my life. It never works. I take one step forward and life puts me two steps back. I'm getting really sick of running around fixing all these problems because I know that if I do not step in and kill myself, it will only be 50 more years of running around pointlessly fixing problems.
A lot of people want to die but hang back because they feel too strongly about what their death might mean for their family and friends. I don't see it that way. I was never a particularly notable person, I know few people, and I don't care about their feelings or what they will think if I kill myself. Their emotions have no impact on my decision.
I'm waiting and hoping that things will get better even though I have rationally thought this out and already deduced that nothing will ever get better. It is a foolish pipe dream to think that things will magically get better down the line. It's only more of the same shit I already go through.
The only thought that brings a slight smile to my face is knowing how deeply it will affect my parents if I blow my brains out. It would be nice to get emotional revenge on them for choosing to create me. I am a genetic abomination and a complete loser who should never have been born.
It does not seem to matter how frustrated I get; I can't seem to cry or express any emotion deeper than frustration. And the anxiety that has plagued me seems to never leave me either. I've been in a perpetual bad mood since I became an adolescent, and now I am a fully grown adult who is unable to experience strong emotions. Without emotions, I have no reason to seek activity because I do not get any enjoyment out of said activity. Believe me, I have tried to put myself out there and complete goals to better my life. It never works. I take one step forward and life puts me two steps back. I'm getting really sick of running around fixing all these problems because I know that if I do not step in and kill myself, it will only be 50 more years of running around pointlessly fixing problems.
A lot of people want to die but hang back because they feel too strongly about what their death might mean for their family and friends. I don't see it that way. I was never a particularly notable person, I know few people, and I don't care about their feelings or what they will think if I kill myself. Their emotions have no impact on my decision.
I'm waiting and hoping that things will get better even though I have rationally thought this out and already deduced that nothing will ever get better. It is a foolish pipe dream to think that things will magically get better down the line. It's only more of the same shit I already go through.
The only thought that brings a slight smile to my face is knowing how deeply it will affect my parents if I blow my brains out. It would be nice to get emotional revenge on them for choosing to create me. I am a genetic abomination and a complete loser who should never have been born.
