Sn ctb thread

[DignifiedGrave]

Another update. I am four until before my time to ctb. I have all my meds ready for consumption. Ill prepare the sn and crush and dissolve my benadryl after I take my final metoclopramide pills. As for how I fee? I feel good, and I am in a sound and functional state of mind. I find that staying busy and completing task to make my space and mind clear has been very helpful. I just been doing things so that I feel my death is as clean, dignified, and least burdensome as possible to my family who will find me. Maybe wont work but ill leave my notebook where I journaled and left notes inside in my dad's truck. I doubt the police will search it and i dont remember them checking vehicles after my brothers suicide.
...
Speaking of, I dont believe in an afterlife, but I wish there is one, I would like to see him again. I always think of my brother.

I am anxious but I suppose thats okay, its only natural right? And this metoclopramide i would like to note definitely can affect mood and cause involventary movement. Though its acute so I guess it stops when the meds stops. Funny enough benadryl helps with symptoms caused by metoclopramide and makes you more drowsy while on meto. Haven't had any today but I did take one last night and up until just recently I wasnt noticing metos effects. I will post my protocol later.

I actually really like truestory and I enjoy ripple effect. Thos are like two really good ones from Luna. Especially ripple effect. For Garnidelia my long time favorite has been Error. I even learned to sing it! Garnidelia is of course my all time favorite music group out of Japan. They split though. Mai left Garnide and the agency to pursue a solo career with her own studio that I think she confirmed being ceo of on her fan page. Apparently she wasn't being treated well at the agency and I hear the split between her and Toku was pretty graceful.

Well all, I am about 2 hours from ctb and I definitely feel good about it however nervous. I almost kind of waver between a certain sense of readiness, wanting it now, vs, anxiety, the butterflies. I know however that I want this and that i am read for it and for all that death entails. I only hope that I have been able to reduce the trauma to family as much as i can. I think sn should be alright, or so I hope and though it wont leave a pristine body its better than many alternative forms that a person could be discovered. Nobody will need to do much and I am leaving my notes and notebook for them to find after im gone and to read. I hope it brings them comfort. Since its almost ten, ill finish this final glass of water and then start my two hour fluid fast.
Since I am one hour away from taking my ibuprofen, so I will now share my full protocol.
For my protocol I decided on a day two regime of metoclopramide, taking 30mg the first day on hours 8:00 16:00 and 24:00. Today is 8:00 10mg 16:00 10mg and 23:20 30mg
I will also have 600mg ibuprofen at 23:00 and 250mg benadryl dissolved in water at 24:00 with my sn.

 

[wannabeangel]

Speaking of, I dont believe in an afterlife, but I wish there is one, I would like to see him again. I always think of my brother.

i hope there is an afterlife and you get to see him again, im sure if there was he would be there waiting for you. i personally believe we go where we want after we die, at least thats my hopeful thinking that makes sense to me

and ita normal to feel neevous during this even if youre 100% ready, i think its just human nature, there isnt anything wrong with backing out if you arent ready tho, but you seem pretty sure. im here for you

 

[DignifiedGrave]

i hope there is an afterlife and you get to see him again, im sure if there was he would be there waiting for you. i personally believe we go where we want after we die, at least thats my hopeful thinking that makes sense to me

and ita normal to feel neevous during this even if youre 100% ready, i think its just human nature, there isnt anything wrong with backing out if you arent ready tho, but you seem pretty sure. im here for you

Thank you that means a lot. I really hope there is something. I feel like watching SuicideLand really helped me with this.

 

[DignifiedGrave]

Another update. I am four until before my time to ctb. I have all my meds ready for consumption. Ill prepare the sn and crush and dissolve my benadryl after I take my final metoclopramide pills. As for how I fee? I feel good, and I am in a sound and functional state of mind. I find that staying busy and completing task to make my space and mind clear has been very helpful. I just been doing things so that I feel my death is as clean, dignified, and least burdensome as possible to my family who will find me. Maybe wont work but ill leave my notebook where I journaled and left notes inside in my dad's truck. I doubt the police will search it and i dont remember them checking vehicles after my brothers suicide.
...
Speaking of, I dont believe in an afterlife, but I wish there is one, I would like to see him again. I always think of my brother.

I am anxious but I suppose thats okay, its only natural right? And this metoclopramide i would like to note definitely can affect mood and cause involventary movement. Though its acute so I guess it stops when the meds stops. Funny enough benadryl helps with symptoms caused by metoclopramide and makes you more drowsy while on meto. Haven't had any today but I did take one last night and up until just recently I wasnt noticing metos effects. I will post my protocol later.

I actually really like truestory and I enjoy ripple effect. Thos are like two really good ones from Luna. Especially ripple effect. For Garnidelia my long time favorite has been Error. I even learned to sing it! Garnidelia is of course my all time favorite music group out of Japan. They split though. Mai left Garnide and the agency to pursue a solo career with her own studio that I think she confirmed being ceo of on her fan page. Apparently she wasn't being treated well at the agency and I hear the split between her and Toku was pretty graceful.

Hello everyone. At this time ive taken my ibuprofen and will crush my benadryl, take my meto, then weigh and mix my sn drink. I have less than an hour to live. I feel high resolve to do this and though I am a bit scared and anxious I know i can do it! Wish me well everyone, i will not update this thread anymore after this point but I will read while I work towards my end. Thank you all for all the kind words and support in all this. My time here has been truly a blessing to me and this community rocks! My death will be reported by a trusted member. To you ny observer, thank you so much i am shaking with both anxiety and joy that someone would graciously report the peacefulness of my end and put everyone at ease. Thank you. DignifiedGrave, out.

 

[wannabeangel]

Hello everyone. At this time ive taken my ibuprofen and will crush my benadryl, take my meto, then weigh and mix my sn drink. I have less than an hour to live. I feel high resolve to do this and though I am a bit scared and anxious I know i can do it! Wish me well everyone, i will not update this thread anymore after this point but I will read while I work towards my end. Thank you all for all the kind words and support in all this. My time here has been truly a blessing to me and this community rocks! My death will be reported by a trusted member. To you ny observer, thank you so much i am shaking with both anxiety and joy that someone would graciously report the peacefulness of my end and put everyone at ease. Thank you. DignifiedGrave, out.

i wish you the best and hope you get to see your brother again i'll make sure to report back everything for you to everyone else, i hope you find peace in all this, you deserve peace

 

[MrMegalomaniac]

Hello everyone. At this time ive taken my ibuprofen and will crush my benadryl, take my meto, then weigh and mix my sn drink. I have less than an hour to live. I feel high resolve to do this and though I am a bit scared and anxious I know i can do it! Wish me well everyone, i will not update this thread anymore after this point but I will read while I work towards my end. Thank you all for all the kind words and support in all this. My time here has been truly a blessing to me and this community rocks! My death will be reported by a trusted member. To you ny observer, thank you so much i am shaking with both anxiety and joy that someone would graciously report the peacefulness of my end and put everyone at ease. Thank you. DignifiedGrave, out.

You seemed to have it well planned out, the anxiety is totally understandable, I hate how we can never seem to manage it.
I can only wish the pain you feel stops and that peace replaces it.

 

[nyangnyangcrys]

hope you find peace

 

[pk@2001]

Wishing you peace my friend