ellisdisappeared
Member
- Aug 17, 2025
- 18
This is really just venting but everyday I feel more and more sick.
I keep remembering by friend that passed away, the last message they sent me, their situation, the way I could've done more to save them.
Their passing isn't recent, but these feelings are.
Along with the anxiety I feel paranoid that something bad is going to happen to me and that I might die soon.
Yes, I have many struggles that have led to me feeling suicidal.
But I feel extremely sick, guilty, and it's making me feel like if I don't do the job myself, I'm going to go in the worst way possible.
They were my only friend, and I refuse to embrace the idea of having another.
Sometimes I do want friends, but I don't want to move on and act like they never existed.
I purchased a necklace to remember them and I wear it everyday.
I think of them everyday.
But recently I feel like it hasn't been enough, or that no matter what I do, my friend hates me.
Their last message was a confession before they passed away.
So I don't understand where these feelings come from, but even when I ignore them, even when I try to push past them, my stomach just feels sick. I can't ignore it.
I keep remembering by friend that passed away, the last message they sent me, their situation, the way I could've done more to save them.
Their passing isn't recent, but these feelings are.
Along with the anxiety I feel paranoid that something bad is going to happen to me and that I might die soon.
Yes, I have many struggles that have led to me feeling suicidal.
But I feel extremely sick, guilty, and it's making me feel like if I don't do the job myself, I'm going to go in the worst way possible.
They were my only friend, and I refuse to embrace the idea of having another.
Sometimes I do want friends, but I don't want to move on and act like they never existed.
I purchased a necklace to remember them and I wear it everyday.
I think of them everyday.
But recently I feel like it hasn't been enough, or that no matter what I do, my friend hates me.
Their last message was a confession before they passed away.
So I don't understand where these feelings come from, but even when I ignore them, even when I try to push past them, my stomach just feels sick. I can't ignore it.
