Venting SI from just thinking about CTB

[symphony]

Idk why but I've had a lot more fear around suicide lately. Like the past few days I've spent some time reading here about methods and there comes a point where I notice my heart is racing and my breath starts to catch. Like I'm preemptively freaking out imagining myself leaning forward into a noose or whatever.

Just sharing.

 

[27clubBRIAN]

I totally understand where you're coming from , I totally want that peace but thinking of the noose and how violent it would be in reality makes me cringe thinking of how specifically my body would react.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I've felt this too. I think for me, it is when I really start thinking about a method and going through the anticipated pain/possible ways it could fail.

I think many of us have had suicidal ideation for a long time- so the thought of life ending feels more comfortable (welcoming) than frightening.

Still, the options available to many of us are limited and quite often violent. Think it makes sense we would naturally be afraid of pain/physical harm coming to us.

I feel like- when I start to feel fear, it's because I'm leaning more towards taking action and actually taking my life rather than just daydreaming it was over.

Some people seem to develop a calmness before they actually do it. I only hope this happens if I one day manage to do it. I just wish guaranteed painless methods were more readily available. It would still be pretty daunting but nothing like the fear we have now I expect.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, the more that I read and think about hanging, the more that I am scared of this method as I fear it going wrong in some way. In general, the fear of failure is what holds me back from ctb. I wish that dying is as easy as just choosing to never wake again, it's so unfair how it is this difficult to leave this life behind. We have all already suffered enough in life so we shouldn't have to suffer as we are trying to find ways to leave this world.

 

[eitheror029]

I understand, the more that I read and think about hanging, the more that I am scared of this method as I fear it going wrong in some way. In general, the fear of failure is what holds me back from ctb. I wish that dying is as easy as just choosing to never wake again, it's so unfair how it is this difficult to leave this life behind. We have all already suffered enough in life so we shouldn't have to suffer as we are trying to find ways to leave this world.

it's so frustrating! i want to go because my depression has killed my cognitive functioning but every method takes so much careful planning and prep! wtf

 

[nico1420]

i think that fear comes more from the possible fact that what most of us want is not really ctb but the end of pain...i know i do, the problem being we cant find a way to end the suffering, we find ourselves in a predicament, the only aparent way to end the suffering is something we dont really (perhaps at the level of the subconscious) want to do....