Venting Partner troubles/Question

[echoINTHEMIRROR]

Slight Question slight Vent. If you were in a relationship as well as extremely chronically ill, would you expect your partner to like.. worry about you, when you cant get in contact for like a week due to being in extreme pain/extremely tired due to the sheer amount of drugs you're on? Idk. i might be overthinking it but i dont think she actually cares about me. she never texts me or asks me if im ok and its starting to weigh on me. She also ignores my boundaries (eg. "dont lean on me, i just got a steroids shot there", "dont hug too tight today, im in too much pain", "please dont touch me right now im sorry") because she's "clingy" which would be fine if i didnt have severe arthritis :(. idk. again. im soryr if this is just normal and i should just be better or smth im just. ugh. i dont feel cared about

 

[scary]

Yes that should be expected in a relationship. Relationships should be a two-way street and what you're describing doesn't sound like that. Though that's not to say your partner is the most terrible person in the world for this, but she should know not to touch you when you're hurting and provide some sort of reassurance or care when you're not doing great. I've personally never been in a relationship before but I don't think you need that experience to know that you should give compassion to your loved ones.

 

[echoINTHEMIRROR]

I try to do a lot for her (Giving up shoes + clothes bc her family sucks dick and ass, teaching her some stuff she struggles at, letting her rant to me on bad days) and i dont think she'll ever return the favor and it took a few weeks to even get her to open doors for me without having to awkwardly ask (I'm on crutches and planning on getting a wheelchair due to the Illnesses). Idk. i just feel like she doesn't rlly care abt me :(

 

[scary]

it took a few weeks to even get her to open doors for me without having to awkwardly ask (I'm on crutches and planning on getting a wheelchair due to the Illnesses).

Jesus, that is just a common courtesy of those who are disabled. If you're getting in a relationship with someone who is sick or disabled you should be expected to at least help in some way. I'm sorry she's treating you like this Kesantemume

 

[echoINTHEMIRROR]

Jesus, that is just a common courtesy of those who are disabled. If you're getting in a relationship with someone who is sick or disabled you should be expected to at least help in some way. I'm sorry she's treating you like this Kesantemume

Yeah. And thank you, I might leave her. It's been a long time coming, esp. due to how she talks about me to my face (calling me "fragile" repeatedly and asking "how i live like this"/ saying "id just die" the latter of which i have told her "hey. my abusive ex told me that back then and that was her way of telling me to die" repeatedly. Thank you for letting me vent. I'm probably gonna talk to her next time i see her. Im tired of shoving myself into doors with her watching

 

[scary]

Yeah. And thank you, I might leave her. It's been a long time coming, esp. due to how she talks about me to my face (calling me "fragile" repeatedly and asking "how i live like this"/ saying "id just die" the latter of which i have told her "hey. my abusive ex told me that back then and that was her way of telling me to die" repeatedly. Thank you for letting me vent. I'm probably gonna talk to her next time i see her. Im tired of shoving myself into doors with her watching

You're welcome. It'd be best for your own sake to leave her, no matter what she says after. I have relatives who are disabled in some way including me so I know how you feel. Are you able to just leave her without talking about it? either way best of luck.

 

[redmourningdove]

If it's been a week and your partner is not at all concerned about you not being able to contact her, that's definitely something you should talk to her about. It looks like she feels sympathy for your situation, so either she's afraid of infantilizing you by constantly asking, or she doesn't truly care enough to regularly contact you. I think it would be really good to talk to her in either case about the relationship moving forward.

 

[echoINTHEMIRROR]

You're welcome. It'd be best for your own sake to leave her, no matter what she says after. I have relatives who are disabled in some way including me so I know how you feel. Are you able to just leave her without talking about it? either way best of luck.

Im not sure. she gets violent sometimes (never towards me, usually objects. but it still scares me as an abuse survivor) and i worry she'll be upset with me

If it's been a week and your partner is not at all concerned about you not being able to contact her, that's definitely something you should talk to her about. It looks like she feels sympathy for your situation, so either she's afraid of infantilizing you by constantly asking, or she doesn't truly care enough to regularly contact you. I think it would be really good to talk to her in either case about the relationship moving forward.

She prolly might be, but even when im back she'll just make comments like "you're always in pain" or call me things like fragile or "poor thing". I may talk to her before i fully break up, but she's also distant and ive been thinking about it and i don't think we're good together anyways (shes very physically clingy, i cant handle that due to severe chronic pain)