Help Should I tell mom I will ctb?

[hihi2027]

My decision is based on the fact that I see little value in the things that most people live for. I am not interested in love. A certain kind of love, one which starts a family, relationships, kids, pets, etc. Those things I have absolutely no interest in. I don't even feel much about having a successful career. The idea of working a job that I hate is very numbing and tiring. I don't want to grow old and die of a cancer or a heart attack. I just want to end it while I'm ahead.

Suicidal thoughts never go away. Once it gets inside your head, it changes you forever. You can't go a day without thinking of ending your life. Every decision you make is signed by suicide, cause you're going to end it all anyway. Giving the day your all feels so tiring. I break down every night a cry realizing that I won't have the happy life like these other people have. They don't have thoughts like mine and live unbothered. They've never attempted to end their own life. They've never had to visit sites like this one. They have options that I don't have which is why I'm here.

So far, mom has been kind and gentle to me. Her hugs are warm. But it's not enough. I still want to kill myself. I don't know if I should tell her about my plan. She will be devastated and so will the rest of the family no doubt.

I have one big project that I want to complete before the end. It will take a long time to finish but when I do, that is when I will finally leave this world. She will not have to worry about me killing myself before then. I want to be know for more than just a suicide, I at least want to be known for my art.

How do I explain my plan to her? If I can convince her somehow, I'd ideally get to finish this, then leave. Not realistic, I'm aware. She will most likely panic and constantly supervise me. Or lock me up in a psyche ward at worst which I really want to avoid. The best case scenario (that is actually realistic) is that I get forced into therapy which I guess wouldn't be too bad...

The thing is that, I've made up my mind at this point and know what I want to do before ctb'ing. I have no idea how to tell her about all this.

 

[SASU-KE]

No.Nothing good will come out of telling a family member about this.


Perhaps tell her everything about yourself. Tell her how much you hate life and how things are difficult for you but leave out the bus part. It's good to discuss this kind of thing with a good parent that can be trusted.Maybe it helps give you some relief.

 

[rainhappy]

I think there are two options, and once you've finished your project, you'll be in the best position to decide whether to seek treatment or to end it all.
If you want to leave, write her a letter so she understands why you're leaving . Otherwise, talk to her about it so she can support you as best as possible .
If you want to leave, write her a letter so she understands why you're leaving . Otherwise, talk to her about it so she can support you as best as possible .

 

[Le temps perdu]

I think this decision depends on how open your mom is to talking about this kind of topic. personally, I think you could try asking some other related questions first, such as, "Would you respect the decision of people who choose ctb/assisted dying because they're in extreme pain? What do you think about that choice?" Or you could ask about autonomy, for example, "Do you think people have the right to choose whether to continue living or end their lives?"etc.

I've talked to my mom about my plan before, but things didn't go very well at first. So I think this is something that's worth approaching carefully

 

[Playingwiththedead]

Absolutely not

 

[TheWindow047]

My decision is based on the fact that I see little value in the things that most people live for. I am not interested in love. A certain kind of love, one which starts a family, relationships, kids, pets, etc. Those things I have absolutely no interest in. I don't even feel much about having a successful career. The idea of working a job that I hate is very numbing and tiring. I don't want to grow old and die of a cancer or a heart attack. I just want to end it while I'm ahead.

Suicidal thoughts never go away. Once it gets inside your head, it changes you forever. You can't go a day without thinking of ending your life. Every decision you make is signed by suicide, cause you're going to end it all anyway. Giving the day your all feels so tiring. I break down every night a cry realizing that I won't have the happy life like these other people have. They don't have thoughts like mine and live unbothered. They've never attempted to end their own life. They've never had to visit sites like this one. They have options that I don't have which is why I'm here.

So far, mom has been kind and gentle to me. Her hugs are warm. But it's not enough. I still want to kill myself. I don't know if I should tell her about my plan. She will be devastated and so will the rest of the family no doubt.

I have one big project that I want to complete before the end. It will take a long time to finish but when I do, that is when I will finally leave this world. She will not have to worry about me killing myself before then. I want to be know for more than just a suicide, I at least want to be known for my art.

How do I explain my plan to her? If I can convince her somehow, I'd ideally get to finish this, then leave. Not realistic, I'm aware. She will most likely panic and constantly supervise me. Or lock me up in a psyche ward at worst which I really want to avoid. The best case scenario (that is actually realistic) is that I get forced into therapy which I guess wouldn't be too bad...

The thing is that, I've made up my mind at this point and know what I want to do before ctb'ing. I have no idea how to tell her about all this.

If you said that realistically she wouldn't lock you up in a mental hospital and you even think that therapy might not be too bad I say you could give it a shot if you are not sure about ctb'ing. You should think about if you actually want to "recover" or if you want to go ahead with this, in case you don't really want a recovery I think it would be detrimental to tell your mother because of the emotional pain you're going to be causing her and yourself too I suppose, I mean what is your intention with telling her? Approval of your choice, or you just want to be honest about it before you do it?

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

It increases the chances of being forcibly institutionalized (though some people to benefit from that). Could also make her feel more guilty when you're gone if she feels like she knew and didn't prevent your death. It would weigh on her forever.

 

[android]

My decision is based on the fact that I see little value in the things that most people live for. I am not interested in love. A certain kind of love, one which starts a family, relationships, kids, pets, etc. Those things I have absolutely no interest in. I don't even feel much about having a successful career. The idea of working a job that I hate is very numbing and tiring. I don't want to grow old and die of a cancer or a heart attack. I just want to end it while I'm ahead.

Notice that everything you said here is conditional.

"I am not interested in love... a certain kind of love.
": implying you might still be interested in love that does NOT start a family

"I don't even feel much about having a successful career... The idea of working a job that I hate is very numbing and tiring": implying that working a job you like might NOT be tiring

Just observing... You know you have a way out based on how you wrote these things. There are alternative forms of love and alternative jobs. Why aren't you letting yourself try them?


Your mother will be heartbroken if you do this. It is a permanent decision. It doesn't mean it's wrong. I don't think were brought into this world at our own will, but we can use our will to leave... But remember that it is permanent. It would be a real shame to have brought pain to someone you love just because a part of you was afraid of changing and trying options that you were already aware may exist.

 

[dasmurphy]

No, never - it will never bring any good, worst case they end up having you admitted somewhere and trust me that system will only make the desire to end it all bigger.... Never, never inform anyone - if you need to talk an idea over or things like that do it in here with us, but never tell anyone in the offline world anything and never mention names, locations or anything making it possible to track it back to your person on here as well - you never know who reads it.

 

[booplesnoot34]

You can ask for therapy without revealing that you are suicidal. Heck, you can get therapy and benefit from it without ever revealing you are suicidal. Telling anyone anything about CTB is a one-way ticket to hospitalization and constant monitoring. Never tell unless you want to be stripped of freedom.

 

[hihi2027]

I think this decision depends on how open your mom is to talking about this kind of topic. personally, I think you could try asking some other related questions first, such as, "Would you respect the decision of people who choose ctb/assisted dying because they're in extreme pain? What do you think about that choice?" Or you could ask about autonomy, for example, "Do you think people have the right to choose whether to continue living or end their lives?"etc.

I've talked to my mom about my plan before, but things didn't go very well at first. So I think this is something that's worth approaching carefully

Hmm? How did you go about telling her?

If you said that realistically she wouldn't lock you up in a mental hospital and you even think that therapy might not be too bad I say you could give it a shot if you are not sure about ctb'ing. You should think about if you actually want to "recover" or if you want to go ahead with this, in case you don't really want a recovery I think it would be detrimental to tell your mother because of the emotional pain you're going to be causing her and yourself too I suppose, I mean what is your intention with telling her? Approval of your choice, or you just want to be honest about it before you do it?

I honestly don't know. If you have suicidal thoughts for most of your lifespan, I don't know what hope is there? At the very least, I can say that I did try to recover, and if it doesn't work out, I can have relief by ctb'ing. I'm wondering what is worse: a sudden ctb, or one that you can see coming.

Your mother will be heartbroken if you do this. It is a permanent decision. It doesn't mean it's wrong. I don't think were brought into this world at our own will, but we can use our will to leave... But remember that it is permanent. It would be a real shame to have brought pain to someone you love just because a part of you was afraid of changing and trying options that you were already aware may exist.

I mean, it's not like I'm ctb'ing anytime soon. I think about suicide everyday, but it's going to take awhile before that final bus arrives. A long awhile. I wondering if reaching out in some form might be worth it? Because those things I mentioned - family, kids, relationships, etc - make me feel nothing. Outside of very specific interests, I don't see any reason to live. I don't know how I can explain this to someone.

 

[hihi2027]

No.Nothing good will come out of telling a family member about this.


Perhaps tell her everything about yourself. Tell her how much you hate life and how things are difficult for you but leave out the bus part. It's good to discuss this kind of thing with a good parent that can be trusted.Maybe it helps give you some relief.

Maybe just saying I'm having bad thoughts or depression is enough? That ways there's no mention of ctb anywhere but hopefully gets the message across. I appreciate your advice.

 

[booplesnoot34]

Maybe just saying I'm having bad thoughts or depression is enough? That ways there's no mention of ctb anywhere but hopefully gets the message across. I appreciate your advice.

You can say you're depressed, but never EVER answer honestly when they ask about suicide or self-harm. You can get help without putting your autonomy in danger.

Maybe therapy or meds will work for you! I really hope so. But if you get hospitalized, you are hundreds of times more likely to attempt suicide once released than you would be if you stayed quiet. Mental hospitals are prisons designed to punish us. It will only make things worse.

Seek help, but protect yourself.

 

[valar_morghulis21]

My decision is based on the fact that I see little value in the things that most people live for. I am not interested in love. A certain kind of love, one which starts a family, relationships, kids, pets, etc. Those things I have absolutely no interest in. I don't even feel much about having a successful career. The idea of working a job that I hate is very numbing and tiring. I don't want to grow old and die of a cancer or a heart attack. I just want to end it while I'm ahead.

Suicidal thoughts never go away. Once it gets inside your head, it changes you forever. You can't go a day without thinking of ending your life. Every decision you make is signed by suicide, cause you're going to end it all anyway. Giving the day your all feels so tiring. I break down every night a cry realizing that I won't have the happy life like these other people have. They don't have thoughts like mine and live unbothered. They've never attempted to end their own life. They've never had to visit sites like this one. They have options that I don't have which is why I'm here.

So far, mom has been kind and gentle to me. Her hugs are warm. But it's not enough. I still want to kill myself. I don't know if I should tell her about my plan. She will be devastated and so will the rest of the family no doubt.

I have one big project that I want to complete before the end. It will take a long time to finish but when I do, that is when I will finally leave this world. She will not have to worry about me killing myself before then. I want to be know for more than just a suicide, I at least want to be known for my art.

How do I explain my plan to her? If I can convince her somehow, I'd ideally get to finish this, then leave. Not realistic, I'm aware. She will most likely panic and constantly supervise me. Or lock me up in a psyche ward at worst which I really want to avoid. The best case scenario (that is actually realistic) is that I get forced into therapy which I guess wouldn't be too bad...

The thing is that, I've made up my mind at this point and know what I want to do before ctb'ing. I have no idea how to tell her about all this.

Don't tell her, unless you subconsciously want to be stop. She'll never accept it. No moms would accept it I think. Just spend time with her more and make every minute count

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Notice that everything you said here is conditional.

"I am not interested in love... a certain kind of love.
": implying you might still be interested in love that does NOT start a family

"I don't even feel much about having a successful career... The idea of working a job that I hate is very numbing and tiring": implying that working a job you like might NOT be tiring

Just observing... You know you have a way out based on how you wrote these things. There are alternative forms of love.

It's nearly 2027. We're aware there are many "alternative forms of love". We've been aware. I could be mistaken, but what I took from what they wrote is that they're aroace, and won't be having any interest beyond platonic friendship with anyone. If that is the case, it might be helpful for them to seek out aroace groups irl &/or online, and maybe work through their feelings about it in therapy.

But I agree with the rest.

 

[hihi2027]

It's nearly 2027. We're aware there are many "alternative forms of love". We've been aware. I could be mistaken, but what I took from what they wrote is that they're aroace, and won't be having any interest beyond platonic friendship with anyone. If that is the case, it might be helpful for them to seek out aroace groups irl &/or online, and maybe work through their feelings about it in therapy.

But I agree with the rest.

You are correct. I have no interest in romantic relationships. The idea of pairing up with someone for life, then having children and starting a family do not interest me at all, I'm sorry. I would not be a good parent and the child does not deserve to suffer because of my selfishness. Besides, it's a none issue. I don't want kids. I don't want a partner either. If I could choose between a million dollars or the love of my eternal life, you already know which one I would choose.

But I don't know about friendships either. The few friends that I had in the past came and went. Sometimes out of circumstances beyond both our control. Sometimes because they turned out to not be the person I thought they were. Sometimes I ended the relationship by slowly fading away from their life. Everytime I've tried to maintain friendships it always ends in disappointment. I know about the cliches, life goes on, life is all about evolving, yada yada. Well, none of this stuff interests and I don't want to be burned again by another disappointing friendship. The life sayings mean nothing to me. Friendships are pointless. Plus, it doesn't help when one of your friends molested you as a child and screwed you up for life.

There's reason why I heistitate to reach out to people on here, and it's why I never DM or personally message anyone. While I connect with this community the most (usually), I know better than to start a friendship that, as we all know, will end in emotional catastrophe. The faces come and go on SS. I don't think it's wise to make a frienship on here...

I'm really burned out by the concept quite frankly. All I would want is someone that just listens to what I have to say. I don't have to worry about being too boring or not entertaining enough. They always respond back even just simple messages. No judgement, just a very good listener. This would be my ideal friend. But that's never going to happen most likely.

Now, I will prepare a note for mom explaining my perspective on life. I have a hard time speaking so this is the only way that I can get my story to her. No ctb though, this can never be mentioned. I want to have her support in my dreams before I die, but she does not deserve to suffer emotionally because of my selfish action. I will ctb in the end so I must cherish every moment.

DeathSweetDeath, I don't know if you'll respond or not but thanks for your comments so far. I know what I said about friendshios, and that I know you plan on not being here soon but - I wonder if you could be the ideal riend I always wanted? I understand if you can't because we all have our own stuff to deal with, so I wouldn't want to add on to the pile. Thank you regardless

 

[Le temps perdu]

Hmm? How did you go about telling her?

at first I just told her directly that I was having suicidal thoughts, but the conversation got really intense(I also kind of regret telling her about my plan so directly in the first place)
so I changed my approach. Instead, I started by talking about related things one step at a time. Once we'd talked through some of the background, it felt like there was a lot less resistance when I brought up the more serious stuff.

at the time, I started with things like people having autonomy over their own lives, why I really dislike and reject involuntary hospitalization, the VAD debate, antinatalism, how I feel about life, how bad things seem in society these days, etc. Then I eventually talked about my suicidal thoughts.

I didn't tell her something like "I'm going to do it tomorrow." I'd say, "I really am going to die someday. It's just a matter of when. I'll try my best to hold on a little longer, but if I reach a point where I just can't keep going anymore, I'll do it." something like that

I'm thinking that maybe you could just talk about how you feel about life without bringing up your ctb plan. I feel like that might make the conversation go a lot more smoothly, and maybe there's a much lower risk of losing autonomy

 

[hihi2027]

at first I just told her directly that I was having suicidal thoughts, but the conversation got really intense(I also kind of regret telling her about my plan so directly in the first place)
so I changed my approach. Instead, I started by talking about related things one step at a time. Once we'd talked through some of the background, it felt like there was a lot less resistance when I brought up the more serious stuff.

at the time, I started with things like people having autonomy over their own lives, why I really dislike and reject involuntary hospitalization, the VAD debate, antinatalism, how I feel about life, how bad things seem in society these days, etc. Then I eventually talked about my suicidal thoughts.

I didn't tell her something like "I'm going to do it tomorrow." I'd say, "I really am going to die someday. It's just a matter of when. I'll try my best to hold on a little longer, but if I reach a point where I just can't keep going anymore, I'll do it." something like that

I'm thinking that maybe you could just talk about how you feel about life without bringing up your ctb plan. I feel like that might make the conversation go a lot more smoothly, and maybe there's a much lower risk of losing autonomy

Thank you for this.

 

[Zzzkurt]

I've expressed wanting to and planning to end my life to both parents and one time to a yard duty in elementary school. All 3 times it backfired.

While it seems like nowadays mental health has become an encouraged topic for discussion, it isn't as grand as they make it. It all stemmed from celebrities throwing out the term 'mental health' and being "open" about theirs as part of a antibullying campaigns. Mental health is just a blanket term. And most open discussions are very surface level and generalized when it comes to depression specifically. You can't even discuss it on YouTube without it getting age restrictions regardless of how deep the subject matter goes.

It's one thing to mention having thoughts, but an actual plan is essentially what's required to get admitted against your will. Even if you're suggesting it'll be at a much later time and explain it in a very rational way.

 

[sleepytime5]

My decision is based on the fact that I see little value in the things that most people live for. I am not interested in love. A certain kind of love, one which starts a family, relationships, kids, pets, etc. Those things I have absolutely no interest in. I don't even feel much about having a successful career. The idea of working a job that I hate is very numbing and tiring. I don't want to grow old and die of a cancer or a heart attack. I just want to end it while I'm ahead.

Suicidal thoughts never go away. Once it gets inside your head, it changes you forever. You can't go a day without thinking of ending your life. Every decision you make is signed by suicide, cause you're going to end it all anyway. Giving the day your all feels so tiring. I break down every night a cry realizing that I won't have the happy life like these other people have. They don't have thoughts like mine and live unbothered. They've never attempted to end their own life. They've never had to visit sites like this one. They have options that I don't have which is why I'm here.

So far, mom has been kind and gentle to me. Her hugs are warm. But it's not enough. I still want to kill myself. I don't know if I should tell her about my plan. She will be devastated and so will the rest of the family no doubt.

I have one big project that I want to complete before the end. It will take a long time to finish but when I do, that is when I will finally leave this world. She will not have to worry about me killing myself before then. I want to be know for more than just a suicide, I at least want to be known for my art.

How do I explain my plan to her? If I can convince her somehow, I'd ideally get to finish this, then leave. Not realistic, I'm aware. She will most likely panic and constantly supervise me. Or lock me up in a psyche ward at worst which I really want to avoid. The best case scenario (that is actually realistic) is that I get forced into therapy which I guess wouldn't be too bad...

The thing is that, I've made up my mind at this point and know what I want to do before ctb'ing. I have no idea how to tell her about all this.

Please don't do this, nothing good can come out of it, if you wanna talk to someone about CTB plan to feel better and maybe not do it try everything but your mom. It's true thay sometimes parents might seem understanding but this is not something you tell. Do not do it. And yes you can get locked up depending on your age and place. If you are under 18 then most likely, it's what happened to my sister back in the day when my parents tricked her into a vacation and dropped her off at the big W

 

[android]

It's nearly 2027. We're aware there are many "alternative forms of love". We've been aware. I could be mistaken, but what I took from what they wrote is that they're aroace, and won't be having any interest beyond platonic friendship with anyone. If that is the case, it might be helpful for them to seek out aroace groups irl &/or online, and maybe work through their feelings about it in therapy.

But I agree with the rest.

i am not too familiar with the term aroace. while you might not have love for other people, I assume you can love animals, books, nature, or at least something. i consider those alternative forms of love

i think socially we are conditioned to value romantic love above all other forms of love, so that's what comes to mind with the word 'love'. it was not always this way in the past, and even in other languages, it's not the case