Should I tell my mom?

[ApotheosisOfJ]

I've done my absolute best that I've been depressed for the last 10 years (at least). From the perspective of my family I'm a quiet, introverted guy but that's about all. I have a good job, date but don't have a girlfriend. As far as I know, they don't even suspect I'm a bit depressed, let alone been in therapy and in antidepressants/antipsychotics and actively planning my suicide.

I've been wondering, what is the best course of action for me if I want to minimise their pain and suffering when I CTB. Should I tell them that I'm depressed? Tell them I'm suicidal? Tell them I'm planning to CTB?

My mom loves me and will be destroyed when I CTB. So will my sisters. That's unfortunately unavoidable. And I'm making sure to try and absolve them of as much guilt as possible in the notes I'm writing. But I'm wondering what's the best course of action in terms of giving some kind of warning or indication beforehand.

What do you all think?

 

[TimeTraveling4]

It's best not to tell them. They may call and have you put in psychiatric facility

 

[discernment]

I don't think that there are any 'right' or 'wrong' answers here. My mum took her own life, and my honest opinion is that you should talk to them, even if you don't tell them absolutely everything. Not necessarily because I think it will be less devastating for them if/when you do CTB, but because it might make them feel closer to you and you feel closer to them because they will have a better understanding of what is going on for you.

I think it's worth considering that if you tell them that you are actively planning to CTB then they (understandably) will probably feel quite panicked and might want to monitor you to prevent you from doing this. This isn't to say that you shouldn't tell them that specifically, but its worth bearing in mind when you're thinking about how much you should tell them.

 

[RawRX3]

I don't think that there are any 'right' or 'wrong' answers here. My mum took her own life, and my honest opinion is that you should talk to them, even if you don't tell them absolutely everything. Not necessarily because I think it will be less devastating for them if/when you do CTB, but because it might make them feel closer to you and you feel closer to them because they will have a better understanding of what is going on for you.

I think it's worth considering that if you tell them that you are actively planning to CTB then they (understandably) will probably feel quite panicked and might want to monitor you to prevent you from doing this. This isn't to say that you shouldn't tell them that specifically, but its worth bearing in mind when you're thinking about how much you should tell them.

This feels like a good thought, i agree with it lots

Very helpful advice, ty ty <3

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Unless there's anything she could say or do to change your mind, I wouldn't tell her you want to CTB. You'd be telling her that a tragedy (for her & the rest of the family) is going to take place, but that she's powerless to stop it. She won't get a moment of peace between the time you tell her & the time you CTB, you'd just be keeping her in a state of suspended terror. Just complete dread and panic until it happens. What a miserable no-win situation to put someone in. Better to get no warning than to get one that you can't do anything about.

 

[ApotheosisOfJ]

It's best not to tell them. They may call and have you put in psychiatric facility

Yes no matter what I want to maintain the freedom I currently have, so wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardise that. I'm currently walking that tightrope with my therapist.

I don't think that there are any 'right' or 'wrong' answers here. My mum took her own life, and my honest opinion is that you should talk to them, even if you don't tell them absolutely everything. Not necessarily because I think it will be less devastating for them if/when you do CTB, but because it might make them feel closer to you and you feel closer to them because they will have a better understanding of what is going on for you.

I think it's worth considering that if you tell them that you are actively planning to CTB then they (understandably) will probably feel quite panicked and might want to monitor you to prevent you from doing this. This isn't to say that you shouldn't tell them that specifically, but its worth bearing in mind when you're thinking about how much you should tell them.

I guess the last thing I want is for them to live with guilt and regret, wishing they'd done or said something different that could've prevented me CTB. If they have literally zero idea, then there wasn't much they could've done. But if I just tell them "Hey I've been feeling depressed for a while" then that might open up the door to them thinking "Oh well, if I'd just made a big deal back then he'd still be alive" etc.

Unless there's anything she could say or do to change your mind, I wouldn't tell her you want to CTB. You'd be telling her that a tragedy (for her & the rest of the family) is going to take place, but that she's powerless to stop it. She won't get a moment of peace between the time you tell her & the time you CTB, you'd just be keeping her in a state of suspended terror. Just complete dread and panic until it happens. What a miserable no-win situation to put someone in. Better to get no warning than to get one that you can't do anything about.

In my ideal world I'd be able to make her accept and come to terms with the fact that I am going to CTB, and be able to have a proper goodbye without regret. But I know that is a fantasy that can't happen, she would not be able to accept that this is what I want no matter what unfortunately

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

Maybe write a suicide note to get some of these thoughts off your chest.

If you want help, please talk to someone. If you're sure you don't, telling your family might just make them feel guilty for not being able to stop you, once you've passed.

 

[Ludath]

This thread has a lot of good info

How to Leave with Minimal Pain for Those Who Remain

Hey everyone, I've been working on this guide because I'm interested in exploring options and details to consider so that CTB has the least possible negative impact on survivors and those who discover the body, to make ctb as sensitive as possible. I've seen many posts worried about "messing...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[ApotheosisOfJ]

Maybe write a suicide note to get some of these thoughts off your chest.

If you want help, please talk to someone. If you're sure you don't, telling your family might just make them feel guilty for not being able to stop you, once you've passed.

I'm in the process of writing personalised notes to my family members. I'm trying to put myself in their mindset in the days/weeks/months after I CTB which is making me consider things like this post

This thread has a lot of good info

How to Leave with Minimal Pain for Those Who Remain

Hey everyone, I've been working on this guide because I'm interested in exploring options and details to consider so that CTB has the least possible negative impact on survivors and those who discover the body, to make ctb as sensitive as possible. I've seen many posts worried about "messing...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thank you for the link! Most of this is thought of already, but there were a couple good ideas that hadn't crossed my mind (like leaving clear evidence that it wasn't a homicide). Appreciate you for sharing!

 

[Off_Switch]

If you know that it will destroy, then it would be a bad idea to say anything beforehand. You just have to make your suicide note very thorough and say everything you want to say in it.

 

[desiderium]

No matter what you do, your mother and loved ones will have guilt. As someone who's lost someone close to suicide, that is an unavoidable outcome that you (unfortunately) have very little control over.

I agree that telling them you're planning to commit is probably not a good idea. If you are 100% certain you're going through with it, it feels a little cruel to tell them in advance that you're planning to leave them. No matter how you try to spin it, I feel as if (personally) it will make it all the more devastating and potentially give them a stronger feeling of failure when they 'fail to stop you.'

Writing clear, concise notes is your best bet. Don't give them the heartache of being around you with the knowledge that you will be ripped away. Just leave as you plan and intend to, and give them clarity and explanation in notes or a video tape that can ease their questions after the fact.

At least that way, your departure will be quick and sudden, instead of slow and drawn-out.

 

[fadedghost]

She'll be really unhappy no matter what if you die. If you tell her you're suicidal, then ctb, she'll think "if only I did more." If you don't tell her, she'll think "Why didn't I notice?"

Unfortunately, suicide frequently leaves behind devastated friends and family and that's just how it is. If you tell her, she might be able to encourage you in trying to get better?

 

[booplesnoot34]

If you want to succeed, no.

If you want to be stopped, yes.