Venting Should I tell him I'm suicidal?

[VisionW0lf]

Met this guy about a year ago, we're both regulars at the small bar in town and know a lot of mutual people. We were just talking until a few months ago we became romantically involved. It's nothing serious atm but I feel like we could be... He's a really nice guy, seems responsible and he at least has some of his shit together.
He knows I've been "having trouble" mentally (he picked me up from Resi a couple times and it didn't seem to bother him), but I haven't told him the full extent of things, and he hasn't asked. Keeps telling me I can talk to him if I need to but...

Part of me doesn't want to scare him away while I also do. If I'm going to keep failing trying to ctb it's nice to have someone in my life, but it also doesn't feel fair to him. I don't want to lie and hide things from him, but if it pushes him away then that's concrete evidence I'm ?not good enough? Too sick to be loved? But the idea of him staying and supporting me is just as terrifying. I don't want to waste his time and lead him on if I do end up doing it. He deserves better.
After my last relationship ended it felt like ctb would be easier to go through with but it wasn't so idk anymore.

 

[TransTaxEvader]

if it gets serious then yes absolutely, but if it's not "i want to marry this person" then I personally wouldn't

 

[zappynomore]

Been there myself it's difficult because you don't want to burden the person.

Yeah I have had all those feelings aswell like you dont want to open up and get rejected because that is tough to take. But at the same time you dont want to lie and hide things.

Only advise I can give is to open up a little more and see how he reacts.

But anyone worth loving and caring about is going to want to know about such things and will help.

but its difficult for sure. I wish you well whatever you decide.

 

[marronfoncé]

yes tell him. There are not a lot of things I'm positive about but this... I think I am.

Being suicidal feels like a whole lot but I don't actually think other people perceive us as a burden. For real. Okay maybe in my experience it's just because people didn't care, but still : you're a burden if you harm yourself and the person who loves you finds out afterwards how serious your problems were ; then, they will feel like they aren't enough.
Oh also, no one forces him to stay with you after a ctb attempt. In fact, he probably has already made tons of errors in his life (wasted his time studying in kindergarten, stuff like this. and if you fail at ctb, well he will be glad to make a decision based on his mind and not on yours. For that he needs to know things on you before things escalated too quickly

Now, or in a couple of weeks, you can advert him. That's awesome. You're literally thinking clear and not panicking and not being paranoid. By that I mean that when things go really quick, one can feel overwhelmed by the situation, and believe in illusional stuff. You're rather the opposite right now. Keep it up.

Plus, even if this turns out to be a short lasting relationship, it seems like you will have a nice moment with this guy (from what I understand) ! He seems quite supportive so far.

There's just one thing though. Maybe you've experienced a betrayal / cowardice from someone you told. In this case I don't want to pressure you into telling the guy about your darkest thoughts, reliving a painful previous experience is... painful bis.

Please, give me a little feedback when you see this, whatever your reaction is and whatever happens next

Kind regards anyway

 

[VisionW0lf]

you're a burden if you harm yourself and the person who loves you finds out afterwards how serious your problems were ; then, they will feel like they aren't enough.

This is exactly what I want to avoid. I don't want him to 'figure it out' and have him think I don't trust him, but if I do say something it feels like added pressure for me to 'do better' and I'll fail at that too.

You're literally thinking clear and not panicking and not being paranoid. By that I mean that when things go really quick, one can feel overwhelmed by the situation, and believe in illusional stuff. You're rather the opposite right now. Keep it up

Thank you. It really means a lot to be validated in my way of thinking a bit. I always feel like I'm being dramatic/silly, I kind of just expect to be rejected for any reason and this stuff is a big reason. I am seriously considering having a good chat with him, just not sure how to go about it. I don't think there'll ever be a "good time" for it

 

[marronfoncé]

This is exactly what I want to avoid. I don't want him to 'figure it out' and have him think I don't trust him, but if I do say something it feels like added pressure for me to 'do better' and I'll fail at that too.

Thank you. It really means a lot to be validated in my way of thinking a bit. I always feel like I'm being dramatic/silly, I kind of just expect to be rejected for any reason and this stuff is a big reason. I am seriously considering having a good chat with him, just not sure how to go about it. I don't think there'll ever be a "good time" for it

Hey, you're welcome.

Yes, the chances are he will overthink.

Yes I can absolutely see why you think you should do better once you've told someone. Having pressure ? not enjoyable since that would be another new thing on your mind.
However, my point of view is it won't worsen your situation cause you will feel things anyway. You will havre regrets, remorse. I believe in a dumb technique that is simple thinking.
Now I just hope I understood you well, I intend not to tell something completely unrelevant. I guess what you're afraid of is being tortured by the fact that you have someone to rely on and still manage to be bad at life, whatever that means. You can think of it like this : you don't have to be happy because one good thing is happening to you. You have problems. Like literally, you have problems. You're probably super lucky for having this guy in your life, but you had problems before, and will have your own problems even in a serious relationship with him (even though he may be your saviour, you'll still have to deal with yourself). You don't have to be happy because you're well surrounded. That's not a reason. It sucks pretending to be happy. I'm getting to the point quickly so maybe my advice lacks thinking process, feel free to tell me I was far from the matter haha.
Doing better is fucking hard. Especially on the long run, obviously.
The odds are you won't 'do better' all the time. You have no clue how long your relationship is going to last, and you can make it a solid 2 or 3 years story during which you really bond or make it a fading memory of a nice, rare guy.

As for the fear of being rejected, maybe he fears the same :) Your fear can be justified by the fact there are multiple reasons to reject someone ! Now, I heard more stories about guys running away from their wedding than people running away from a suicidal person.

As you say, there probably is no good moment. In my experience the best moment is also the worst, and it fits the idea than life is a friggin challenge but I don't think it applies every time either.

Also, you're nothing dramatic (as for the silly, I can't tell ! ;))