Help Should I Actually Go Through With It?...

[HuskyD'hiver]

Hey there everyone, I'm thinking that today is the day.

I know that asking this forum is probably a dumb place to ask if I should CTB, but I think that getting an honest opinion from here may also be the best place.

I never planned on having a specific day, I was just going to do it on a day that felt appropriate with: the right mood during the morning and the previous night, having ate food I actually wanted, listened to fitting music and watched enjoyable videos, wearing the right clothes, and my family not suspecting a thing beforehand. I know that all sounds dumb, but I've also come to a realization that there will never be a perfect moment, but this is as close as I think I can get.

I also think that it would be best to do it now as I'm imminent to fail my classes and my family hasn't been mad at me for a bit, so I have a feeling that something will happen soon and I'd rather not go through that. I also have finally come to the acceptance that I won't be able to actually pursue all of my dreams and aspirations. I finally came to the conclusion that I am either going to die without creating all that I want to create, having not experienced all of the media that I would want to experience, and my legacy will potentially never matter despite my best efforts.

In the end, all I will be is just another statistic for those who were young to catch the bus...

So I ask to all of you, both with your positive and negative messages, to decide my fate so to speak.

I should be able to choose my own fate anyways...

 

[Ash]

Nobody here can or should make that decision for you. But I wish you peace, whatever you choose.

 

[tonyteabag]

It takes a brave person to ctb without knowing they have done all they can!

 

[HuskyD'hiver]

Nobody here can or should make that decision for you. But I wish you peace, whatever you choose.

To be honest, I think that others should. I am not in my right mind to make this decision, nor do I think I should be allowed to make any decision. Thank you for the kind words at least.

It takes a brave person to ctb without knowing they have done all they can!

I don't think I would consider it brave, or anything meaningful for that matter. I have no clue what will happen to me if I continue living, but from my track record, it might not be any good.

 

[Yoyo_honeybee]

I think ultimately you've noticed resistance in your decision to CTB which is a sign that you want to live for something even despite 'knowing' that you won't be able to do everything you want to do. It's best not to make huge decision when you're feeling extremely high or extremely low as they say, so if you feel you're not in the best state of mind holding off on deciding anything until you feel able to be rational and calm about the decision would be the best.
I'm not one to encourage someone to live just for the sake of it, life can be extremely difficult to live in and I think we should have choice with our death but that being said I think any decision to CTB should be well informed so that if you have some sort of consciousness after dying you won't regret CTBing.
Have a think about what might be holding you back exactly, maybe you just like the idea of living even with all the things you're worried about? Or maybe you feel that these things you've mentioned will pass? Maybe you want to try and put your legacy out there even if it doesn't succeed so at least you can say you tried? Or maybe you know you can change the lives of a few people even if not the many?

 

[Dot]

To be honest, I think that others should. I am not in my right mind to make this decision, nor do I think I should be allowed to make any decision.

Internt strangrs d/ nt knw u or ur lfe & u nevr knw othr ppl intentns

Tht = 1 of mny reasns Y thy shld nt mke ur finl decsn fr u

Am srry tht thngs r dffclt

Edt - aftr checkng whle pst agn slf cn tll u frm xpernce tht thre r mny dffrnt pths & optns & tht failng nw ds nt hve 2 b th/ end of evrythng

 

[iloverachel]

When someone is on the fence about ctb, we can't really make a decision. If we did try to encourage you to ctb that is kind of pro death and that's not what we are

We are pro choice, but it's ultimately you that has to make that choice and whatever you choose we will support you

Good luck my friend and take care to seriously think. Also keep in mind failing classes is not the end of the world

 

[Coconut blue]

its ultimately your choice. both life and death are not easy paths, and i commend your courage for being able to stay strong through it all. please take your time to avoid impulsive decisions you may regret later. whatever you decide, you have our full respect and support.

 

[HuskyD'hiver]

Thank you everyone. I have come to my decision... I'll see you all around another time if I ever come back onto this site.