I think I was given a face blindness test a week ago
I think I was given a face blindness test a week ago
I think I was given a face blindness test a week ago
Just how my luck goes. Things are going great & 1 bad day & I'm losing it all. I only had 2 sources for constructive outlets. 1 a suicide chat hotline & 2 a suicide site. The hotline no longer works. When your only source to not ctb is a ctb site, you see where I'm going. Struggling with reality, overwhelming emotions. Future getting bleak again.
Just how my luck goes. Things are going great & 1 bad day & I'm losing it all. I only had 2 sources for constructive outlets. 1 a suicide chat hotline & 2 a suicide site. The hotline no longer works. When your only source to not ctb is a ctb site, you see where I'm going. Struggling with reality, overwhelming emotions. Future getting bleak again.
Just how my luck goes. Things are going great & 1 bad day & I'm losing it all. I only had 2 sources for constructive outlets. 1 a suicide chat hotline & 2 a suicide site. The hotline no longer works. When your only source to not ctb is a ctb site, you see where I'm going. Struggling with reality, overwhelming emotions. Future getting bleak again.
Struggling with stuff. I know or at least I'm sure that I have paranoid personality disorder & borderline personality disorder. So I question what I believe is going on. I've been struggling with rather or not work was trying to set me off. I had an outburst eventually & took on all the blame. However since then some coworkers came to me individually to give support & after that I now know I was targeted. Idk for what purpose. I believed I was wanted & accepted, but those same people who made me feel that way were the same ones involved in trying to set me off. I'm so confused and idk what to think anymore.
I'm also struggling with memories of my siblings, bloodline period. I never realized it, but I come from sexual deviants. My first memory of it i was about 4. I'm the youngest of 6. I'm not sure if it's a memory of an event or a dream. It's been in my head since I was that age. It takes place on C lane where I got my first pet. My 2 oldest brothers are molesting the brother closest to my age & my sister. My other brother is there, but I've blacked out his participation. At 8-9 multiple times i heard my dad beat & rape my mother. When I was 9, my sister molested me & 2 cousins. About 10-11, the closest brother & my sister were next door in a chair wrestling. For some reason his election was out & he was trying to make her touch it. So far, my offending siblings were kids & I question what happened to them to be like that. Around that same 10-11 age my oldest brother would be 21-22. He came in my room & woke me up to talk. He said me & a female cousin was the same age, so I should have sex with her. My second oldest brother, when he would be mid 30s tried to have that same cousin to sleep with his wife & mother of most of his kids while he watched & possibly joined in. Only 3 siblings are still alive & I've completely cut them out of my life. The oldest living is a sadistic prick. At the only "family" outing i remember all of us except R who was dead i remember a couple of things. I remember bullets flying about a foot over my head from other party shooting. I remember my second oldest brother bragging about how bad he was then taking a bite out of a live fish & swallowed it. Throws the fish down to suffer until death while laughing & bragging. He also raised a pig as a family pet. Let the pig in the house, but not the dog. Let his very young children love the family member. When Porkchop got big enough, he made those kids watch as he made pork chops. My sister is just a user & manipulative person who doesn't care about who she hurts as long as she gets hers. No one around her can ever know peace. The other brother tortured & tormented me my entire childhood we spent together. Stab me in the head, shot me point blank in the chest with a CO2 BB pistol, & suffocated me on 3 occasions. The last couple of years with him i was under constant threat of having my chest caved in. Every time I tried to get help from so called "family" I was either yelled at or beaten for tattle telling or they stuck up for him cause "he was used to being treated like the baby of the family until I came along". No wonder society doesn't want anything to do with me when I come from this bloodline. It be better for everyone if I was dead, but I'm too much a failure to comply.
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
I'm also struggling with memories of my siblings, bloodline period. I never realized it, but I come from sexual deviants. My first memory of it i was about 4. I'm the youngest of 6. I'm not sure if it's a memory of an event or a dream. It's been in my head since I was that age. It takes place on C lane where I got my first pet. My 2 oldest brothers are molesting the brother closest to my age & my sister. My other brother is there, but I've blacked out his participation. At 8-9 multiple times i heard my dad beat & rape my mother. When I was 9, my sister molested me & 2 cousins. About 10-11, the closest brother & my sister were next door in a chair wrestling. For some reason his election was out & he was trying to make her touch it. So far, my offending siblings were kids & I question what happened to them to be like that. Around that same 10-11 age my oldest brother would be 21-22. He came in my room & woke me up to talk. He said me & a female cousin was the same age, so I should have sex with her. My second oldest brother, when he would be mid 30s tried to have that same cousin to sleep with his wife & mother of most of his kids while he watched & possibly joined in. Only 3 siblings are still alive & I've completely cut them out of my life. The oldest living is a sadistic prick. At the only "family" outing i remember all of us except R who was dead i remember a couple of things. I remember bullets flying about a foot over my head from other party shooting. I remember my second oldest brother bragging about how bad he was then taking a bite out of a live fish & swallowed it. Throws the fish down to suffer until death while laughing & bragging. He also raised a pig as a family pet. Let the pig in the house, but not the dog. Let his very young children love the family member. When Porkchop got big enough, he made those kids watch as he made pork chops. My sister is just a user & manipulative person who doesn't care about who she hurts as long as she gets hers. No one around her can ever know peace. The other brother tortured & tormented me my entire childhood we spent together. Stab me in the head, shot me point blank in the chest with a CO2 BB pistol, & suffocated me on 3 occasions. The last couple of years with him i was under constant threat of having my chest caved in. Every time I tried to get help from so called "family" I was either yelled at or beaten for tattle telling or they stuck up for him cause "he was used to being treated like the baby of the family until I came along". No wonder society doesn't want anything to do with me when I come from this bloodline. It be better for everyone if I was dead, but I'm too much a failure to comply.
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
All the improvement this year & still i just want to die. No matter what I do I can't help being just a pathetic lover & nothing but a joke destined to be alone. I want death, society wants my death. I'm a failure at even dying. There will never be hope for me & I'll never have a place in this world. Hopefully something bad enough will happen that'll give me the strength to ctb. I'm tired of living
God damn spellcheck! Loser not lover. I'm actually pretty damn good at that once given a chance
God damn spellcheck! Loser not lover. I'm actually pretty damn good at that once given a chance
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