Help How to make friends + how to stop getting romantically attached to friends

[sheburnedmedown]

It's been a long time since I've had a real life friend. I dont have a job nor school so I mostly resorted to online friends but even that is hard now. All my previous online friendships failed because they either vanish or it just doesn't work out because I'm socially inept.

Used to be friends with this one polish girl, she was pretty and also weird. It was a perfect combo. Being with her felt like heaven because she was very non judgemental and kinda fun to talk with but ended up liking her more than a friend way. Being gay sucks. It was never gonna happen. Tried to tell myself that I just want her as a friend but then when she started to soft launch her situationship shit or whatever the jealousy happened and ended up taking out my anger on her but framed the reasoning as something else. Apologized for it but the damage was already done so knew it was wraps. She was way out of my league tbh.

All my past friendships with women almost always turn out this way. And the worst part is that most of them are online so imagine if I somehow managed to have an irl female friend (which is never going go happen because women can sense that I'm a loser and avoid me)

 

[Arioso]

maybe it'd be better if you tried being friends with men instead, but beware of budding romantic interests from their part as it might turn into what you're just describing.
so i guess your best bet is making friends with homosexual men, or at least with non touch-starved men

 

[sheburnedmedown]

maybe it'd be better if you tried being friends with men instead, but beware of budding romantic interests from their part as it might turn into what you're just describing.
so i guess your best bet is making friends with homosexual men, or at least with non touch-starved men

I can always keep my gender hidden or say I'm a dude but the problem is I don't have anything in common with dudes in terms of interests nor do I play any video games so I don't know what we'll bond over
Im crippingly fembrained I think

 

[Arioso]

I can always keep my gender hidden or say I'm a dude but the problem is I don't have anything in common with dudes in terms of interests nor do I play any video games so I don't know what we'll bond over
Im crippingly fembrained I think

what are your interests?

 

[SackOfCrap445]

I can always keep my gender hidden or say I'm a dude but the problem is I don't have anything in common with dudes in terms of interests nor do I play any video games so I don't know what we'll bond over
Im crippingly fembrained I think

make friends with gay guys, thats your main option

 

[sheburnedmedown]

what are your interests?

Mostly music I suppose. I dont create nor play any instruments though (but I'd love to man)

 

[Arioso]

Mostly music I suppose. I dont create nor play any instruments though (but I'd love to man)

please do yourself a favor and buy yourself a used up electric guitar and a cheap external audio card.
the amount of stuff you can do with just a guitar and a computer is nothing more than amazing. making your own music all by yourself is extremely fulfilling, it's the best decision i've made in my life
btw what music do you listen to

 

[fadedghost]

Can you go to meetup.com and look for lesbian or gay groups or hiking groups or anything? Just avoid hanging out with anyone you find sexually attractive.

It's horrible, but it's impossible to be friends with someone you're sexually attracted to,,,

 

[Musiclover338]

have you tried grindr or tinder lol

 

[fadedghost]

have you tried grindr or tinder lol

i'm pretty sure grindr is only for dudes looking for sex.

I'm not sure, but it seems like @sheburnedmedown is either a lesbian or a trans dude and is sexually attracted to women.

 

[neurotoxic]

I've found myself catching feels for friends a lot. Honestly, probably most of the friends I have I once had some level of attraction to, but from where I stand that's just an inevitability and doesn't have to stop me from being able to form platonic friendships with people. Even when someone doesn't reciprocate romantic feelings, having a friend is still a win IMO. Jealousy definitely gets to me sometimes but I also value friendship a lot so I tend to push through it best I can because I'd rather deal with jealousy and keep the friend instead of lose them.

 

[instormdrains]

What common spaces do you share with other people? For example a gym a store, (more specific the better like a guitar shop is better than a Walmart) arcade, etc. What do you do when you go outside. Its impossible to meet irl people without leaving the house. If you dont have any social activities/places try talking to strangers. If you have low confidence start with complimenting people passing by you on the street then try to talk to cashiers or servers if they seem social. Eventually just start talking to strangers. If you talk to a guy like this they'd assume you were proablly flirting. Try more with women and say your gay after being friends.

With you falling for all your friends that might be limenence not love. You might love the way they make you feel like giving you attention rather than loving the individual. Probability wise you shouldn't be in love with every girl you talk to. Think about your relationships a lot harder before coming to the conclusion that you love them

 

[sheburnedmedown]

please do yourself a favor and buy yourself a used up electric guitar and a cheap external audio card.
the amount of stuff you can do with just a guitar and a computer is nothing more than amazing. making your own music all by yourself is extremely fulfilling, it's the best decision i've made in my life
btw what music do you listen to

Mostly metal, rock and little bit of cloud rap. Grunge, R&B, Nightcore, EDM, hiphop, indie are pretty good genres too. Mainly listen to Type O negative, deftones, apartment 26, Seventh Void, whatsaheart, Draconian, Smokedope, Team sleep, Dream ivory, Trevor Something, Crosses, Pale horse named death, Nujabes, Elena Siegman and a little bit of frank ocean. Some video game and series osts too.

have you tried grindr or tinder lol

Hopping on the app that embodies lust to get myself a buddy to watch My Little Pony with. It might just work

 

[like-spoiledmilk]

I would recommend looking at local bands around you, or live music. Bars usually have them. Then, if you go alone and don't use your phone, you can just talk to the person next to you. If you have problems with women, I would pick either a man or an older woman I'm not attracted to.

The first talk is just easing yourself in. After that, say you're going for a smoke and walk off. If you smoke, bum one off of someone outside and chat with them. If not, while you're walking, keep your eyes peeled. Compliment people, ask where they found X clothing item, look for band shirts you recognize, approach the performers and chat with them once they're finished.

Best case scenario? Walk out with 10 friend 'leads'. Worst case? Call an Uber and never see any of those people again because they're all just strangers anyway.

Other options:
- Even if you don't like videogames, they're still the most popular vector for internet friends. Some picks like Stardew Valley or Palia are less video game-y and you can easily find folks who overlap into MLP.
- Book Clubs if you like to read. Every library has them.
- Your local farmer's market. You can sell something if you're creative, or just get a coffee and see the same stalls every day.
- Hobby Stores. MtG, RC cars, miniature models, they all have monthly meetups.
- Classes at your local community college. $150 for 6-8 weeks. I took a massage class.
- 100% classes. Yoga, pilates, candles, incense, lotions, perfume, etc.

Friends are just people you see over and over then mesh with. I'm much better at the making friends than keeping them, this is what's always worked for me lol