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[Manaaja]

I read my "Reasons for joining" letter and started crying.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I think I've lost my fucking mind. Been looking around at occult sites on how to summon a demon to help me out in life. I never used to believe in this kind of stuff but I'm desperate lmao

 

[MeltedJello]

I'm in a good mood right now, but I know it won't last for long

 

[Anathema]

I'm going to get jacked by the end of the year, so that I may punch my face harder.

 

[irememberinnocence]

I feel in a bind now. I can't CBT at home because I don't want to traumatise my housemate. And I'm having trouble going elsewhere because of covid restrictions. But I will work through my options and decide on something. Its just extra mental effort than I thought.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Im so drunk right now and i want to laugh, by now I've laughed with tears at a video but I feel like I need more. We as humans are never satisfied xdd.

 

[Manaaja]

I could shit in an ant nest and by doing that create a better house than those fucktards could ever. Everything in this house is built in the shittiest way possible and now I found another really shitty thing. There's a door that closes on its own. So I googled, and found a really good and simple fix, you only need a screwdriver and a hammer and anyone could do it. So I tried doing it. But those fucktard relatives have weird ass doors with special hinges that are molded in there or something.

I watched a video and there was one of those dog skin bones and I instantly missed my dog because she used to have lots of those! I want to meet my dog again.

 

[TheHatedOne]

pls give 1 reaction to this post I need 1 more to get at 1900, I'd feel better if it was 1900 instead of 1899.

 

[irememberinnocence]

I found a place, my only worry is the neighbours will hear me. I suppose that's a risk I just have to take. I'm not prepared to wait til restrictions ease as am getting sicker by the week. Also I'd have to obtain certain key items again. I wish I could CTB right where I am, it would be the perfect place but I live with someone else.

 

[Circles]

Fuck Carl Sagan for saying 'we're the universe experiencing itself.' I fell for that bullshit when I was younger and now I hate him and the universe. The universe can go fuck itself to oblivion. Fuck you. I didn't ask to be some simulated puppet to be played with by an uncaring indifferent universe which doesn't give any reason as to why we're experiencing any of this shit especially suffering to begin with. But hey what the fuck ever right? Well fuck you Carl and fuck you universe.

 

[motyxia]

I don't want to make a thread to ask this, can someone tell me if it's fine or not to vent about memories on this site? Is that against etiqqute or something? There's stuff I want to vent that I can't tell anyone, I don't want to pressure my online friend to listen to me so if I can do it here where no one feels pressured to read or respond but someone still has the chance if they want, that'd be nice. I don't want to be impolite though.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I don't want to make a thread to ask this, can someone tell me if it's fine or not to vent about memories on this site? Is that against etiqqute or something? There's stuff I want to vent that I can't tell anyone, I don't want to pressure my online friend to listen to me so if I can do it here where no one feels pressured to read or respond but someone still has the chance if they want, that'd be nice. I don't want to be impolite though.

That's fine man. I've seen other people post about their memories and I myself have vented about the past from time to time.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I think I'm going to breakdown? I don't have motivation to play games anymore (even if I want to) and I'm just pointlessly staring at the screen? All alone? I need to drink a lot to get numb again since I gave in and had a full meal. I'm thinking to starve myself from now on. I'm sick of this shit.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Today my country is changing from daylight save time to standard time and I was a bit confused when after 3:59 am it became 3:00 am again but then I remembered. I love how it's also Halloween today, perfect timing for the spook hour to be repeated.

 

[motyxia]

There's a dog barking somewhere. My grandmother heard him maybe 2 hours ago. It was dark but it wasn't weirdly late, gets dark quickly now, so just assumed it was nothing. Heard him myself now. Really worried. I hope he's okay. I'm worried he's locked outside intentionally or unintentionally. He stopped barking for a bit. I can't see any dogs outside, too dark. If I hear him barking still at midnight or later, I'm going out there to check. Idc if I have to set off the alarms to leave. I'm nervous around dogs, I'm scared of the dark, but I can't let him suffer, need to get over myself. Really hope the doggy is fine, for both our sakes. Until then I stay worried.

 

[Enigmatic Sailor]

KA PLOW! I'M NEW!!!

 

[TheHatedOne]

The only things that make me feel okayish now are : 1. alcohol and 2. the song Go Back by The Klinik.

 

[motel rooms]

solipsism and quantum immortality are two things that have been on my mind lately.

It's solipsism & queer immorality for me

 

[TheHatedOne]

I still laugh with tears at this shit even months after I found it:



I'm a true average fan enjoyer.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I want to be a green eyed Johan Liebert.

 

[irememberinnocence]

Just letting off steam. Although my doctor will respect my wishes to stop treatment and go into palliative care she doesn't agree with it on the basics of her medical ethics of preserving life and do no harm. What a load of bullshit. Since when is letting a patient die of natural causes (if that is their wish), doing harm?? Since when is suggesting ways to artificially prolong a patients life not doing harm when said patient has made it clear that they've suffered enough?? Medical ethics need a serious overhaul when there is still complete and utter rubbish like this floating around. Shouldn't the first duty to care about what the patient themselves needs? After all, I know myself best.

Well after reading that ridiculous drivel she sent me I felt even more suicidal, wanting to die quickly than slowly wither away having to put up with hearing this sort of thing. I've booked a cheap hotel in case I feel like doing it. I'm not gonna force myself if I don't want to at the time though.

I still like the good parts of life, like the smell of flowers and rain, the few foods I can still manage to eat, beautiful music, dogs, laughing at comedy.

I'm in a real state of limbo and it's impossible to tell which way I'll go. Either I'll continue slowly starving from my gastric problems until I'm no more, or I might attempt to end my life and I might die from that attempt (unlike last time, clearly).

 

[motyxia]

Last night I decided to try something I haven't before. There's lots of things about how I grew up I can't tell anyone even my online friend, what I tell him ik people would say I'm very open with him but Im actually not. There's still so much I can't tell anyone. I can't even think about it, I immediately distract myself. It messed me up, I think I need to let it out. What I decided to try was to let myself think about it & cry my heart out. I tried really hard but I couldn't. Even now I'm not able to really think about it, brain won't let me. But I want to so badly. Even though I can't think about it It's always in the back of my head making me feel terrible. Idk how to think about it. Venting but if anyone has ideas I'd like to hear them.

At least something positive, recently I've been starting to accept the medical part of how I grew up really messd with me & being more open about that (with my online friend & here). Still censor myself though, a big worry is that someone will take it as "never try getting professional help" when it might help them.

 

[TheHatedOne]

It's that time when I'm scared to even live. Can't even fall asleep. Each second that passes I'm growing more scared. I'm cursed.

 

[Circles]

Nobody gives a fuck about me. No one would care if I died right now besides my mom but even then would she? Everywhere I go is just another path of loneliness. And some people become so lonely and withdrawn from society that it begs the question why the fuck am I even here? Humans are a supposed social species and we yearn and yearn and yearn to fill that void but it will never be fucking filled. Never, atleast for some people like me.

 

[Scribble Fan]

This one time I was lying down and my bed started shaking for no reason. I thought it was a small earthquake but when I asked my brother he said he didn't feel anything..?

Maybe it was a ghost o:

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Wishing a Death Note appears on my desk one day.

 

[MeltedJello]

I want a real hug. A very long hug from someone irl, who can fully understand how I feel, and will accept my decision to ctb. Sadly, I may never get to experience this.

 

[TheHatedOne]

i wish more nights like were like thsi

 

[TheHatedOne]

It's so endearing how some SS members are, I love you guys.

 

[Gray Wounds]

Yesterday, while walking down to the store, I said to fate, "I'll kill myself soon, you know. But do give me a sign, I dare you. Give me a sign if I should continue with my plan or not."

My best friend chatted me that very same day, minutes past the time I uttered the sentence above. Told me that she met with the woman I love and that she said she wants to reconnect with me or something.

We did reconnect. Again. And I am happy for that. But I think I broke the connection again by letting her go

Then, I remembered the "give me a sign" thing just right now.

It is a "go" sign.