Lonely Thinker
Member
- Jan 3, 2025
- 14
Good morning, afternoon or night to all.
How sad to live in this world...
How sad to be in this world...
And to be me
To be born in a state with an authoritarian dictatorship, which had previously been under a totalitarian dictatorship for about 70 years, both experiences leave a great trauma for the entire society of this state.
A family with a cold and authoritarian father and a mother suppressed by her father. Both had no experience of living in happy families and in their family happiness did not come from the union of a woman and a man.
I am a guy and I have a highly sensitive nervous system, which from birth needs a feeling of security and acceptance of me by my parents, for healthy psychological development. But I did not receive either a feeling of security or a feeling of acceptance from them.
For me, one bad experience is enough to not try such an experience again.
I do not like crowds, too loud sounds, bright lights.
The psyche is very quickly overloaded by the abundance of information coming from the world. As an example, a simple choice of 30 toothpastes on a shelf in a store. After such a choice, you want to relax.
The brain constantly wants to think and analyze literally everything.
Bright negative experiences in life and situations constantly scroll through your thoughts, even if it was 10 or more years ago. With the subtext: "What if everything was different? Why didn't you do it differently, couldn't, didn't understand?"
I was always afraid of people, didn't trust them and, probably, never experienced a real feeling of love for anyone.
I always tried to be a good boy who doesn't cause problems for anyone. I succeeded in this up to a certain point.
My psychological defense chose the strategy of adapting to all people, to situations. Adapting like a chameleon. But it didn't always work out.
I had only one friend in my life, a wonderful girl, but I ruined this friendship.
I had a terrible sexual experience, after which he pushed me away. I was afraid of a repeat.
A terrible experience of hard and low-paid work, after which I had to recover for a long time.
I have never fully accepted my appearance.
I just watch other people and their lives, but I do not want to live my own.
Home is safer for me than going out into the world, to people and living among them.
I take on a lot of negativity from people and situations and I feel that it is mainly because of me.
No one has ever brought me so much pain and negativity except myself.
This life without goals, without meaning, without bright stripes for a huge period of time.
A huge inner emptiness the size of the moon.
I tried to understand what is wrong with me? Why do I not love and accept myself so much? I realized this not so long ago, but time is lost, it can not be returned.
I would like to go to bed and never wake up again. To finish this sad story of my life. For me it would be like a happy ending in a movie.
Sorry if there are mistakes in the text, I translated it in the translator.
How sad to live in this world...
How sad to be in this world...
And to be me
To be born in a state with an authoritarian dictatorship, which had previously been under a totalitarian dictatorship for about 70 years, both experiences leave a great trauma for the entire society of this state.
A family with a cold and authoritarian father and a mother suppressed by her father. Both had no experience of living in happy families and in their family happiness did not come from the union of a woman and a man.
I am a guy and I have a highly sensitive nervous system, which from birth needs a feeling of security and acceptance of me by my parents, for healthy psychological development. But I did not receive either a feeling of security or a feeling of acceptance from them.
For me, one bad experience is enough to not try such an experience again.
I do not like crowds, too loud sounds, bright lights.
The psyche is very quickly overloaded by the abundance of information coming from the world. As an example, a simple choice of 30 toothpastes on a shelf in a store. After such a choice, you want to relax.
The brain constantly wants to think and analyze literally everything.
Bright negative experiences in life and situations constantly scroll through your thoughts, even if it was 10 or more years ago. With the subtext: "What if everything was different? Why didn't you do it differently, couldn't, didn't understand?"
I was always afraid of people, didn't trust them and, probably, never experienced a real feeling of love for anyone.
I always tried to be a good boy who doesn't cause problems for anyone. I succeeded in this up to a certain point.
My psychological defense chose the strategy of adapting to all people, to situations. Adapting like a chameleon. But it didn't always work out.
I had only one friend in my life, a wonderful girl, but I ruined this friendship.
I had a terrible sexual experience, after which he pushed me away. I was afraid of a repeat.
A terrible experience of hard and low-paid work, after which I had to recover for a long time.
I have never fully accepted my appearance.
I just watch other people and their lives, but I do not want to live my own.
Home is safer for me than going out into the world, to people and living among them.
I take on a lot of negativity from people and situations and I feel that it is mainly because of me.
No one has ever brought me so much pain and negativity except myself.
This life without goals, without meaning, without bright stripes for a huge period of time.
A huge inner emptiness the size of the moon.
I tried to understand what is wrong with me? Why do I not love and accept myself so much? I realized this not so long ago, but time is lost, it can not be returned.
I would like to go to bed and never wake up again. To finish this sad story of my life. For me it would be like a happy ending in a movie.
Sorry if there are mistakes in the text, I translated it in the translator.
